I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Posts tagged “6-year-old

Last day as a 6-year-old saying sh*t

It’s Jack’s world and I’m just living in it…

Wow that year flew by, eh? Tomorrow I’m supposed to unveil the sh*t my 7-year-old says header, but please don’t hold me to it. I’m working on it I swear, but I’ve been kinda…busy…

Jack’s last meal as a 6-year-old was of course typical Jack style, 2 sushi rolls (eel & yellowtail) followed by vanilla ice cream. With a candle on top. Thanks to my friend Paul at Dao’s restaurant. Yummmmm! The food, not Paul.

Jack: I just want to let you know how rude you’ve been to me the last 6 years of my life. It’s really been stressful.

me: What???

Jack: I’ve been meaning to tell you.

me: I’ve been rude. To you. For 6 years. Really.

Jack: And sarcastic.

me: Okay fine, sarcastic I’ll give you. How am I rude exactly?

Jack: You tell me I can’t play on the computer a lot and then when I ask nicely you’re all NOOOOOOOO… and stuff like that.

me: You haven’t played on the computer for 6 years. What else ya got?

Jack: Sigh…If I’m on “ready to learn” at school and it’s a very good day you yell at me when I get off the bus or something stupid like that.

me: Don’t use that word please.

Jack: See? It’s all stu—…sorry…

me: You still have to follow my rules. No bad language, no rude behavior, no acting up, and all that. Otherwise yes I will take away computer time.

Jack: This is gonna happen for the next 7 years, I just know it.

me: Well, we’re here. If I’m that rude, maybe we should just go have dinner at home.

Jack: No! I’m just kidding! You’re the best mom! Not rude at all!

me: Nice try. I’m gonna remember that little story. Let’s go in.

Jack: Does this mean I can’t use the computer tomorrow?

And, that was my last meaningful conversation with Jack as a 6-year-old. Thinking back though…for the last 6 birthdays Jack has been EXTREMELY moody and irritable. His 1st birthday was a nightmare because he was alternating between cranky, miserable, crying and then stoic…just watching us intently. Maybe he sensed all the pressure of growing up, even at that young age? I don’t know, but for every single birthday since, he’s gone through some sort of mood shift where he is extra sensitive and touchy to just about everything.

I don’t have the heart to tell him we forgot to do his homework and he’ll have to do it in the morning instead of playing on the computer for 10 minutes. I think I’m gonna have to be rude mom again. I may need backup.


Tell me that again…

me: Wow, where did I get such a handsome boy? (I usually ask that when I’m fixing Jack’s hair)

Jack: You said you made me so that’s where.

me: Right… You are looking good! Once I put this stuff in your hair you’ll have all the girls chasing you around.

Jack: Mommmmmm… (he acts disgusted but then straightens out) Wait…why are they gonna chase me around?

me: Because you’ll look so handsome and they’ll want to be around you.

Jack: But what exactly will they want? (he’s all business now)

me: Oh I don’t know, maybe a smooch?

Jack: Ewwwwwww…

me: I know I know…I’m just kidding.

Jack: (cuts me off) Wait, tell me that part again how they will want to kiss me.

(I’ve created a monster…now he fixes his hair just so every morning…)


We have a SIT-CHEW-ATE-SHUN

Jack: Mom, we have a SITCHEWATESHUN!

me: Why are you saying it like that with your eyes all bugged out?

Jack: Because I’m stressing that it’s a big SITCHEWATESHUN!

me: Okayyyyy… What’s going on?

Jack: Can you ever get an EX divorce?

me: (uh oh) Huh???

Jack: Like to cancel the divorce?

me: Is that what you’re thinking about? You want Mommy and Daddy to be together?

Jack: Only because you’re being nicer to each other.

me: (we are??) Ohhh, well it’s still a decision we’re sticking to sweetie, but I’m glad you think we’re being nicer. We want to be nicer for you so you’ll be happy.

Jack: Oh… (nothing more gets said)

(later, after we talked to his Dad on the phone, and my side of the conversation was perhaps NOT so nice)

Jack: You know, nevermind. The situation is over.

me: What now? The ex-divorce thing?

Jack: You and Daddy are still cranky so I think you made the right choice. Now can we stop talking about it?

me: (!)

 


Musings of an almost 7 year old…

Jack: Things were easier when I was little…

me: Yeah? When you were 2?

Jack: I guess. I didn’t get all crazy about school and homework and stuff.

me: That’s because you didn’t have any.

Jack: Oh yeah! But then I got school, and homework, and gym and reading bags and music…sigh…

me: When you get older you have more things to think about and do.

Jack: How come the more things I have, the worse my life gets? I can’t wait to be a grown up and have no stress!


Hot pineapple phone call

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jack: Hi Dad!

Dennis: Hey how was your day?

Jack: Pretty good. We’re going to Mommy’s class now.

Dennis: Oh…what did you eat for dinner?

Jack: (harsh whisper to me) What was that stuff called?

me: Pineapple fried rice.

Jack: It was pineapple fried rice.

Dennis: Sounds good.

Jack: It’s really not as good as it sounds because it had HOT pineapple in it. I mean really, who puts hot pineapple in FRIED RICE!? Sheesh…

Dennis: So you like your pineapple cold?

Jack: Yeah, the way it’s SUPPOSED to be.

(they finish up the call)

me: So you didn’t like my rice, eh?

Jack: Ummm…I did, just not the HOT pineapple.

me: Okay, no hot pineapple next time.

Jack: You know I really think we said HOT pineapple enough tonight. Why do you go ahead and make dinners that start to take over my life?


Would you call this spoiled?

Jack: Will you rub my back before bed?

me: Of course!

Jack: And my hair?

me: Totally. We can read a story and I’ll give you a little massage.

Jack: Awesome! Can I have a snack in bed??

me: No, this isn’t a day spa…

Jack: You can give me sips of water while you read and massage me. hahahaha!

me: Very funny. Even though you think I’m your slave, I’m not…

Jack: Remember, all moms are slaves.

me: Yeah…pffft…

Jack: Okay so start massaging! How about my feet?

me: Sure. Give me the little hooves…

Jack: Ahhh this is the life. Where’s the story?

me: I can’t massage your feet and hold a book, now can I? I was being a little ambitious. (I massage him for a bit)

Jack: (yawning) Jack getting sleepy.

me: Good. Have a good night sweetie…(I make motions to start leaving)

Jack: HEY LADY! I PAID FOR 2O MINUTES AND THIS WAS ONLY 10. WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL???


2 songs about toilets?

Jack: (singing) Girl look at that potty. Girl look at that potty… I work out!

me: (lmfao) Jack! It’s “body” not “potty”! Hahahahaha!!!!!

Jack: Well they have the other song that’s Potty rock is in the house tonight! So what about that??

me: It’s “party”. Sigh. Do you have to pee or something?

Jack: No! Why are you correcting me??

me: Don’t whine about it, I’m just telling you the real words.

Jack: I’m not whining I’m griping!!