It’s Jack’s world and I’m just living in it…
Wow that year flew by, eh? Tomorrow I’m supposed to unveil the sh*t my 7-year-old says header, but please don’t hold me to it. I’m working on it I swear, but I’ve been kinda…busy…
Jack’s last meal as a 6-year-old was of course typical Jack style, 2 sushi rolls (eel & yellowtail) followed by vanilla ice cream. With a candle on top. Thanks to my friend Paul at Dao’s restaurant. Yummmmm! The food, not Paul.
Jack: I just want to let you know how rude you’ve been to me the last 6 years of my life. It’s really been stressful.
Jack: I’ve been meaning to tell you.
me: I’ve been rude. To you. For 6 years. Really.
Jack: And sarcastic.
me: Okay fine, sarcastic I’ll give you. How am I rude exactly?
Jack: You tell me I can’t play on the computer a lot and then when I ask nicely you’re all NOOOOOOOO… and stuff like that.
me: You haven’t played on the computer for 6 years. What else ya got?
Jack: Sigh…If I’m on “ready to learn” at school and it’s a very good day you yell at me when I get off the bus or something stupid like that.
me: Don’t use that word please.
Jack: See? It’s all stu—…sorry…
me: You still have to follow my rules. No bad language, no rude behavior, no acting up, and all that. Otherwise yes I will take away computer time.
Jack: This is gonna happen for the next 7 years, I just know it.
me: Well, we’re here. If I’m that rude, maybe we should just go have dinner at home.
Jack: No! I’m just kidding! You’re the best mom! Not rude at all!
me: Nice try. I’m gonna remember that little story. Let’s go in.
Jack: Does this mean I can’t use the computer tomorrow?
And, that was my last meaningful conversation with Jack as a 6-year-old. Thinking back though…for the last 6 birthdays Jack has been EXTREMELY moody and irritable. His 1st birthday was a nightmare because he was alternating between cranky, miserable, crying and then stoic…just watching us intently. Maybe he sensed all the pressure of growing up, even at that young age? I don’t know, but for every single birthday since, he’s gone through some sort of mood shift where he is extra sensitive and touchy to just about everything.
I don’t have the heart to tell him we forgot to do his homework and he’ll have to do it in the morning instead of playing on the computer for 10 minutes. I think I’m gonna have to be rude mom again. I may need backup.
me: Wow, where did I get such a handsome boy? (I usually ask that when I’m fixing Jack’s hair)
Jack: You said you made me so that’s where.
me: Right… You are looking good! Once I put this stuff in your hair you’ll have all the girls chasing you around.
Jack: Mommmmmm… (he acts disgusted but then straightens out) Wait…why are they gonna chase me around?
me: Because you’ll look so handsome and they’ll want to be around you.
Jack: But what exactly will they want? (he’s all business now)
me: Oh I don’t know, maybe a smooch?
me: I know I know…I’m just kidding.
Jack: (cuts me off) Wait, tell me that part again how they will want to kiss me.
(I’ve created a monster…now he fixes his hair just so every morning…)
Jack: Mom, we have a SITCHEWATESHUN!
me: Why are you saying it like that with your eyes all bugged out?
Jack: Because I’m stressing that it’s a big SITCHEWATESHUN!
me: Okayyyyy… What’s going on?
Jack: Can you ever get an EX divorce?
me: (uh oh) Huh???
Jack: Like to cancel the divorce?
me: Is that what you’re thinking about? You want Mommy and Daddy to be together?
Jack: Only because you’re being nicer to each other.
me: (we are??) Ohhh, well it’s still a decision we’re sticking to sweetie, but I’m glad you think we’re being nicer. We want to be nicer for you so you’ll be happy.
Jack: Oh… (nothing more gets said)
(later, after we talked to his Dad on the phone, and my side of the conversation was perhaps NOT so nice)
Jack: You know, nevermind. The situation is over.
me: What now? The ex-divorce thing?
Jack: You and Daddy are still cranky so I think you made the right choice. Now can we stop talking about it?
Jack: Things were easier when I was little…
me: Yeah? When you were 2?
Jack: I guess. I didn’t get all crazy about school and homework and stuff.
me: That’s because you didn’t have any.
Jack: Oh yeah! But then I got school, and homework, and gym and reading bags and music…sigh…
me: When you get older you have more things to think about and do.
Jack: How come the more things I have, the worse my life gets? I can’t wait to be a grown up and have no stress!
Jack: Hi Dad!
Dennis: Hey how was your day?
Jack: Pretty good. We’re going to Mommy’s class now.
Dennis: Oh…what did you eat for dinner?
Jack: (harsh whisper to me) What was that stuff called?
me: Pineapple fried rice.
Jack: It was pineapple fried rice.
Dennis: Sounds good.
Jack: It’s really not as good as it sounds because it had HOT pineapple in it. I mean really, who puts hot pineapple in FRIED RICE!? Sheesh…
Dennis: So you like your pineapple cold?
Jack: Yeah, the way it’s SUPPOSED to be.
(they finish up the call)
me: So you didn’t like my rice, eh?
Jack: Ummm…I did, just not the HOT pineapple.
me: Okay, no hot pineapple next time.
Jack: You know I really think we said HOT pineapple enough tonight. Why do you go ahead and make dinners that start to take over my life?
Jack: Will you rub my back before bed?
me: Of course!
Jack: And my hair?
me: Totally. We can read a story and I’ll give you a little massage.
Jack: Awesome! Can I have a snack in bed??
me: No, this isn’t a day spa…
Jack: You can give me sips of water while you read and massage me. hahahaha!
me: Very funny. Even though you think I’m your slave, I’m not…
Jack: Remember, all moms are slaves.
Jack: Okay so start massaging! How about my feet?
me: Sure. Give me the little hooves…
Jack: Ahhh this is the life. Where’s the story?
me: I can’t massage your feet and hold a book, now can I? I was being a little ambitious. (I massage him for a bit)
Jack: (yawning) Jack getting sleepy.
me: Good. Have a good night sweetie…(I make motions to start leaving)
Jack: HEY LADY! I PAID FOR 2O MINUTES AND THIS WAS ONLY 10. WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL???
Jack: (singing) Girl look at that potty. Girl look at that potty… I work out!
me: (lmfao) Jack! It’s “body” not “potty”! Hahahahaha!!!!!
Jack: Well they have the other song that’s Potty rock is in the house tonight! So what about that??
me: It’s “party”. Sigh. Do you have to pee or something?
Jack: No! Why are you correcting me??
me: Don’t whine about it, I’m just telling you the real words.
Jack: I’m not whining I’m griping!!