Conversations

16 year olds get to do what they want, right?

At least that’s what Jack has high hopes for…

Jack: When I’m 16 can I do whatever I want??

me: Within reason, but no, not really.

Jack: Like can I raid someones house?

me: Jack! Seriously…

Jack: Not in a bad way. It’s not a bad thing, really! Oh forget it…

me: Sigh…raiding is bad. It’s like stealing, right?

Jack: No, I mean raid in a good way.

me: Still no.

Jack: Okay then, first things first. I need spiky bands on my gloves, can I get those when I’m 16?

me: Maybe. Sounds scary.

Jack: It’s totally cool!

me: Where exactly are you getting these ideas?

Jack: Magic Treehouse book #5!!!!

me: Those are school recommended, right? Sheesh…

Jack: We get our best ideas from books that schools recommend…

 

Conversations

Maybe too much technology?

Jack: Can I use your iPad? I want to play Angry Birds.

me: I left it at work.

Jack: What about your computer?

me: No, you played shooting games after I said you couldn’t. You’re banned.

Jack: Sighh…Can I bring my DS on the bus today then?

me: No, that’s not for school, that’s for home.

Jack: Sheesh, can I at least watch Sponge Bob on Netflix while you dry your hair?

me: (pausing…) Sure.

Jack: A “show” or an “episode”?

me: One show. 8 minutes. Then off.

Jack: (8 minutes later) It’s off! Can I see your phone now??

me: GEEZ Jack, can you please play with a toy or something. I don’t want you playing games on my phone!

Jack: Hello Mrs. Rude. I was gonna call DAD???

me: Oh.

Conversations

9 things I heard from Jack today…

“I want a cute baby jaguar as a pet.”

“A fart equals Gas Airlock Disposal.”

“You’re gonna bout to fall 50 hundred feet!”

“You are griping CRAZY!”

“That’s a whole nuther way to play this 3DS.”

“I’m sad you ignore my attempts to be Chewbacca.”

“If I ‘yes-Mom’ you enough, does that mean I can buy anything I want?”

“You’re office is really cool. But why is everyone nuts?”

“I spilled my milk at school and then cried. You told me NEVER to do that!”

Conversations, Food

Rude Particles – yet to be discovered?

 

Image courtesy of "therudeguy.com"

 

Jack: Mom, can they remove my brain and put it in a jar of water and show it to me every morning?

me: (choking on my dinner) WHAA—TTTT?

Jack: Or just remove the rude particle so I don’t act rude anymore?

me: Do you think you were rude earlier?

Jack: (hanging his head) Yeah…

me: And how did dinner turn out after all that freaking out?

Jack: It’s really good! Can I have some more?

me: Sure. But I don’t think you need a rude particle removed…just chill out and things usually work out fine, ok? We always end up right here with you being happy after you eat. No need to be on the floor crying over dinner.

Jack: I thought I wouldn’t like it…(he starts shoveling in pasta with broccoli and chicken). This macaroni is so good it feels like I’m digging into a Big Mac!!

me: You’ve never eaten a Big Mac.

Jack: Well I heard that they are GREEEAAAATTT!

 

(And just because…interesting article! http://www.therudeguy.com/?p=632)

Conversations

Monday Randomzzz

Jack: Does the Navy still use swords to fight?

me: I don’t think so…firearms probably.

Jack: (ponders) But someone in our family was in the Civil War probably, right?

me: Um, maybe but I doubt it.

Jack: Oh. (He waggles his tongue at me)

me: What are you doing??

Jack: This is how the people were kissing on the Blink 182 video that Dad let me watch. Can we try?

me: No! (Grrrr! Remind me to kill his Dad!)

Conversations

One Slash One Slash Twelve

Happy New Year everyone! Show of hands for who is thankful that 2011 has ended for good! (me) Show of hands for who also LOVED many, many things about this year? (me) See? You can have it both ways.

I’m not doing an “I’m grateful for…” post. All of my closest family and friends, and the mailman, already know what’s on that list. The mailman because damn girl did I order a lot of boots this year. And yes, I am grateful for them. (sniff)

Jack and I spent a fun day reading, ice skating, arguing, arcading and play-dating. (that’s not pretend dating, that’s playing with friends). We kept busy! As we walked home from the neighbor’s house right before bed, in the misty evening fog, Jack got a little spooked.

Jack: Mom.

me: What…

Jack: Carry me.

me: Up the driveway? No.

Jack: (glancing around) It’s sooo dark…

me: Our driveway lights are out for some reason…hmmm…

Jack: This hill is too long and my legs are tired. What was that? (he whips his head around)

The fog and light mist gave everything an eerie silence that we don’t usually get to enjoy in this neighborhood. A twig snapped off to the left in the woods.

me: (whispering) SHH! (we both stopped walking) Did you hear that??

Jack: (also afraid to raise his voice) Yesssss… What IS that noise? Ohhhhhhh…. (hand wringing)

me: Let’s keep going, you can do it…

Jack: Right now I have the feeling we’re being monitored.

me: Watched? By who?

Jack: Aliens. This is when they get you. Shhhh!!! (another twig snapped)

me: (with the hairs raising on the back of my neck) It’s probably a deer. Come on don’t stop.

Jack: (turning into Rain Man) Definitely being monitored, definitely.

We made it to the top of the driveway. I noticed that I had forgotten to shut the garage door. Or HAD I?? Shit.

me: (trying not to make Jack nervous) Jack, did I close the…

Jack: (Interrupting me…suddenly not afraid anymore) Hey Einstein! Try closing the door next time whydon’tcha! Geez!! You want someone to break in?

He ran up the stairs into the kitchen flipping on all of the lights as he went.

Conversations

10 Questions I have no answer to

Jack likes to ask questions. What kid doesn’t? He’s been asking some scary, thoughtful, profound questions since he was old enough to talk. Some I have answers for, and others? I don’t even know where to begin. Since Jack is with his Dad until NEXT YEAR (!) I thought I would recap some of my favorite questions.

If any of you have answers to these that I may pass on to Jack, please leave them in the comments. I would love to hear some different opinions. 🙂

1. Why do we only have one life?

2. How did the Earth grow?

3. If I eat my vegetables will I live to be 100?

4. What happens to our body when we die?

5. When I was in heaven I picked you…did you pick me?

6. Can we visit the sun?

7. When I’m old can I watch any movie I want?

8. Why do real trains go straight, but toy trains go in a circle?

9. Where do we get turkey from? Do they just give it to us if we ask?

10. Why don’t you have a penis?

 

Conversations

May the 4th be with you

I know I KNOW! It’s December. 29th. I think…wait is it midnight yet? Yikes better hurry!

Anyway, Jack was watching Star Wars Episode IV earlier and it’s funny to think back on our brief conversation.

me: Does Dad let you watch this?

Jack: Yeah.

me: The entire thing?

Jack: Yeah. Wait, I have to cover my eyes at this part…they give her the truth shot!!!

me: That scares you?

Jack: Yeah!

me: Should you cover your eyes at this part? Is all the shooting scary?

Jack: (uncovers his eyes and looks at me) Mom, the ENTIRE movie is shooting! How would anyone be afraid of that???

Conversations, Phone Calls

Not a flying toy, not a flying toy

You must know that quote from Toy Story, right? When Buzz first learns that he’s a toy? Jack and I somehow started using it as an inside joke, and we say it if someone is either not making any sense or pretending to be something they’re not. Like cool. Or nice. But…Maybe the joke was on me?

me: Jack, Dad’s on the phone…

Jack: Hi Dad… Yeah…I don’t know what your talking about…huh? I am listening…sheesh!!

me: Guess Dad’s not a flying toy, heh heh…

Jack: (hears me) Yeah Not a flying toy, NOT a flying toy!, (he cracks up)

me: (laughing) he’s totally not a flying toy…

Jack: (still on phone) yeah… That was Mom…haha. It’s from Toy Story… Mom is cracking up now because she thinks it’s funny. I’m just humoring her.

Conversations

Not a creature is stirring…now…but you shoulda seen it earlier!

Jack is asleep. I will be in a few minutes. I might nod off as I’m typing this.

Earlier this evening:

It was about 7pm. Jack wanted to have a cookie for dessert. I looked at the clock to see how close to bedtime it was. I was about to say yes. Jack took my hesitation as a “no” and proceeded to have a little fit and walked over and hit me. Don’t you just love it!??

me: (oh I tell it straight up)…aaand, just for your information, I was just about to say yes to the cookie until you hit me. Next time please think about how you react.

Jack: (gasps in horror) Whaaattt??? But I’m sorrrrrryyyyyyyy!!! (he then flings himself on the floor in the most pitiful fit of crying that I’ve seen in weeks)

me: Maybe you’ll learn from this Jack.

Jack: But I’m sorryyyyyyyy! Can I have a cookie because I didn’t mean it? Waaaahhhhhhh!

me: No.

Jack: (cries and carries on for about 10 more minutes) But, but, but, you said you were about to let me!!!

me: Well that was about 10 minutes ago, and now it really is too late, so either way you’re not having one. Next time think before you use your hands on me.

Jack: Waaahhhhhhh!!! (much rolling around on the kitchen floor)

me: How do you think you would feel if I smacked you every time I was upset about something, huh?

Jack: (stops, gets up and charges at me)

me: Whoa! (I jump up and push him under my legs and he goes flying onto the rug). What the heck are you doing?

Jack: If I can’t have a cookie then I’m going to eat you! (He comes at me chomping his teeth like a mini zombie. I start cracking up)

me: Hey, get those chompers away from me!! (we wrestle to the ground) If you want to bite, here, bite yourself! (I feed his own hands into his mouth)

Jack: GAAHHhhhhhh!!! No fair. Must bite Mommy!

me: Must bite self! You’re so hungry for cookies that you’re eating your own wrists! How’s that taste!? (the cats run for cover)

We wrestle from the kitchen to the hallway and into the living room. He really was burning off some energy. I made him tickle himself and then I “play” spanked him for awhile until he was cracking up. I told him I was gonna tickle him until he peed. He kept trying to gnaw on me like a piranha. After awhile we both stopped, gasping and out of breath.

me: Okay, time out. (pant pant)

Jack: Still no cookie?

me: Nope.

Jack: Isn’t that my reward for not eating you?

me: Nope. Do you think you deserve a cookie?

Jack: No… But next time don’t keep me cooped up all day. I’m starting to lose my mind in here!