Help me but don’t help me

How many of you have gone through this exact scenario? This is a typical Jack-ism. Help me but what ever you do don’t help me! Why aren’t you helping me!? Stop helping me! Fine…don’t help me!

Lord give me strength.

Jack: I can’t find my mouse.

me: Mhmmm. Did you look for it?

Jack: I’m trying but you’re not helping!

me: I’m trying to finish the last 30 minutes of this movie, Jack.

Jack: Help meeeee! (much stomping and opening and closing of things)

me: Did you think of where you last used it?

Jack: Dad’s.

me: Well then call your Dad?

Jack: It’s not there!

me: Did you look in the kitchen?

Jack: It’s not there.

me: How about in my room? You used it there before doing homework.

Jack; I already looked, it’s not there! You’re not helping!

me: I’m trying to narrow down where—

Jack: AAaarrrgh! I can’t do my homework without my mouse!

me: Can I go look in your room? You might have just overlooked it?

Jack: No.

me: Why not? I’m thinking you might have–

Jack: I said I already looked there!

me: No you didn’t, I can just—

Jack: No! Help me!

me: I can’t help if you’re not allowing me to help.

Jack: I need to order a new mouse on Amazon right now.

me: Um, no, and you need to be more responsible with your current mouse. It didn’t just walk away. I bet it’s in your room in a bin or something.

Jack: It didn’t just randomly fall into a bin!

me: Accidentally, Jack. There’s a lot of stuff on your desk. Are you sure you don’t want me to look there?

Jack: Not happening.

me: Well then we are out of options. Why do you need the mouse anyway?

Jack; The track pad is broken.

me: Use my laptop.

Jack: I don’t WANT to use a track pad.

me: Use my desktop computer.

Jack: That’s old and slow.

me: Well what do you propose?

Jack: That you help me!!!

me: Go look in your room, I’m finishing this movie now.

Jack: (much stomping again). Yeeeeeeee!

me: What?

Jack: It was under my bed. Like how did it get there? It was just sitting there.

me: Oy.

Anyhoo, this is just a “sort of” typical part of the teen brain developing. It forgets things. The forgetful part I can forgive. The rest is all Jack :O. I’ll always try to help him, but ultimately he’s responsible for his own stuff. Jack: Where’s my phone charger Mom? me: I have no idea, where did you leave it last? Jack: Did you see my Fitbit charger? (Always with the chargers!) me: Nope, I have no idea, check your suitcase, or call your dad? Jack: Hey, my mini speaker is not on my desk! me: And, I have no clue where that is either. Check the shower.

I always strongly suggest that Jack put his things in exactly the same place each night, or morning, so he can find them. He has an organizer on his desk to hold all the chargers, cables, the MOUSE, and the devices that need to be plugged in. I think it’s filled with candy wrappers.

I only have one kid, but I’m preparing this kid for life in the real world. He only has about 3 more years until he’s potentially (hopefully?) off on his own! Jack has to do his own laundry. We’re on maybe year two or three of that by now, at least. Jack: MOMMMM, I don’t have any SHORTTTTSSSS! me: Did you do your laundry? Jack: Aarrrgghhhhh!

Jack has to also do the following, weekly: All of his laundry (wash, dry, fold, put away, hang, etc), put away the dishes from the dishwasher (it used to be just the silverware, but I hate putting dishes away so now it’s his job), clean his room and make his bed, clean his bathroom, including the Mt. Everest pile of clothes that hide behind the door, walk Moca EVERY DAY after school, mow the lawn, help me with other yard work (currently cleaning out the mulch beds and laying in the new mulch, which he somehow actually enjoys!), let’s see. what else… does that sound like a lot? Oh yeah, sweep out the garage, vacuum the basement (which is something I’m adding to his list this week actually… watch out Jack… all of your black sock fuzz has really been collecting on the rug down there…) Jack has to help me with the cats nails and teeth (he’s the holder of the beasts, though they like getting their nails clipped now because they get Treeeaattttssss! They are such little piggies.) Moca I can handle on my own now (except when I bludgeon her poor back toenail by accident) 😦 Sorry Moca.

Moca just raised her head from a deep sleep to look at me after I wrote that. Weird!

As you can see, there are plenty of chores for Jack. I’m also working on his cooking skills, but we have to step up that game. Sometimes though, with all that, plus going to the gym, and oh yeah… HOMEWORK… Jack has a kinda full schedule. Like right now, he’s currently sleeping. 🙂

This little article popped up for me a few minutes ago when I was looking at teen brain articles, and it reinforces what I was writing above. Take a read! Then go put your feet up and have your teenager make you a snack.

 

Subaru Confession: Maturity??

Jack and I were in the car on the way to school this morning. He was giving me an update on one of his classes and why his seat was moved. (Not his fault).

me: Well, I bet you can concentrate better now, at the very least.

Jack: Yep. There’s a time for work and a time for play.

me: (!) What have you done with Jack…? That sounds… mature!

(I swear he winked and pointed a finger at me)

Totally not what I expected him to say. Right??

As we drove along we talked about a few other things… and about a friend of his that I mistakenly thought did something that someone else did.

me: Well, I’m glad that wasn’t him because I would have been really disappointed.

Jack: And now you finally sound like a typical parent.

me: Sheesh.

What the Frick

I always try to suggest things for Jack to do when he goes to NYC. I really want him to learn and see and experience all that there is in the city. He prefers to stay in his room playing XBox. 😦

This was a conversation we had a few months ago but I never posted it…

me: What about a show?

Jack: Boring.

me: What about going to Central Park?

Jack: It’s freezing and it’s going to rain.

me: What about finding a street fair?

Jack: No.

me: Hold on I’ll look up some things to do. (I pull out my phone and start scrolling) What about one of the museums? There are lots of shows…

Jack: We always do that. We went to the Whitney and MoMA…

me: Oh hey there’s something at the Frick Museum. Actually it’s called the Frick Collection. Geez I had totally forgotten about the Frick.

Jack: Yeah. So did everybody else.

me: Sigh.

Get to the point

Whenever we’re driving, Jack says that I can have an entire conversation by myself, and he never has to comment. I ask questions and then answer them myself. Then go on a rant about how things used to be when I was young (or something). I can talk. A lot.

Sometimes Jack has a lot to say. Sometimes not so much.

 

Jack: Oh look, the barber shop closed.

me: Awwww. What did the sign say?

Jack: Closed.

me: Oh.

 

 

He never saw it coming

Jack: Blah blah blah rude blah blah rude

me: Jack watch the tone

Jack: Blah blah more rudeness blah blaaaaaahhhh

me: (under my breath) He never saw it coming

Jack: Oh! He did see it coming, it never happened and no one cares!

me: Sigh.

And that’s why Xboxes were meant to be taken away 😂😂😂😂😂😂.

Jack: (from a previous post a few years back) Whats the point of getting anything new, it’s just more stuff for you to take away when I “misbehave”.

Things said while I type this blog

Just in case you are considering blogging or writing of any kind, use this handy flow chart to help you choose a platform. I’m obviously on WordPress, but started on Blogger/Blogspot. I prefer WordPress now because I can customize the blog look (which I try to do at least once a year when I also update Jack’s age), and because it has many more features which I love! I’m kind of a control freak and I like to have things just the way I want them. WordPress gives me just enough customization with the right amount of built-in standard features to make blogging fun and easy. Love it! But hey, you might just want to belt out a few words a day, in which case you can spout it out on Twitter (for instance).

Jack and I were working on homework together. I was reading material for work, and he was reading a book for English. Or, rather, trying to read a book for English. He kept interrupting himself and then telling me to stop interrupting HIM. You know how that goes, eh?

………………………………

Jack: You should write a book.

me: About what? I’ve already sort of started one a few times.

Jack: A real book? Write about anything. Stop talking I’m trying to read.

me: Heyyy, you started the conversation!

………………………………

me: (whispering to myself) Maybe I should write another blog post…

Jack: Stop whispering! I’m trying to read!

………………………………

me: I’m visualizing $50,000 in my bank account by the end of the year. If you believe it, it will happen.

Jack: You should put your money in a retirement account.

me: I do. It’s a 401K.

Jack: Explain how that works…

(we talk for awhile about my accounts and how they get set up by your employers, etc, and how it’s best to pay yourself first, and anyone can live off of 10% less than their current salary and should put aside 10% for retirement or investments.)

Jack: I have to finish my English homework!

me: Hey you asked mister.

………………………………

me: Does that piece of paper say “Big brother is watching you?” What is that?

Jack: I found it in the book, so I’m keeping it as my bookmark. It’s staying with me.

me: Creepy. The face looks like Grandpa.

………………………………

Jack: (eyeballing me type this while he reads)

me: Mind your business, I’m writing a blog post. You can read it later. Sheesh.

………………………………

And there you have it. A typical night of me blogging and Jack doing homework. :()

 

 

 

High School Highlights – Part 1

Here are a few stories from this week. It’s been quite a transition from middle school, to high school. (for me anyway!) 🙂

Jack: I have gym class now everyday. Whoof…I really need to get in shape.

me: We can get you back in shape in no time… we’ll go a few days a week to my gym… and you’ll be back in shape in a few weeks. Gym class every day will actually be so good for you. They should do that all year long, I don’t know why they only do it part of the year. So weird.

Jack: I think we’re playing basketball tomorrow.

me: Oh, cool. What did you do in gym today?

Jack: We watched a powerpoint.

me: Um… ok…

Jack: Oh and I need a lock for gym so my stuff doesn’t get stolen.

me: Ok, we can go get one after we go to the gym tonight. Wait, we have a lock in the drawer in the kitchen. Just use that one.

Jack: I don’t remember the combination though.

me: I think there’s a 7 in it and maybe a 9. Just try it and I think you’ll have muscle memory because you always remembered that combination before.

Jack: That was like 5 years ago. It’s not working. I’ve tried every combo… I need to get a new one.

me: Ok, we can go later.

(Later, after eating dinner out…)

Jack: Let’s just go to Stop and Shop instead of Walgreens, they’ll have more of a selection.

me: Ok, I need a few things there anyway so that works.

(In the store)

Jack: Well, I guess there are no locks.

me: Wait, here’s one. It’s the last one! Let’s grab it.

Jack: It’s green! I don’t want a stupid green lock. Besides I want the speed dial kind that you just push and not have to spend an hour twirling the numbers.

me: How do you even know that’s green? (he’s color blind) Jack, the dial takes 2 seconds. We’re getting this one just in case so you don’t have to go another day without a lock.

Jack: But this one’s tiny! Let’s go to Walgreens.

me: Sorry, I’m freezing and tired and it’s late and we’re going home.

Jack: (extended grumblings all the way home … not using this lock… not taking gym class… need a real lock… etc…)

(Later at home, Jack rips open the new lock to show me how tiny it is and how awful the color is and how hard it is to dial, etc.)

Jack; This one is terrible!

me: What’s the combination, I’ll do it. (Jack stares at me). What… what is the combo? (more staring… I turn the lock over and the combo sticker is still on there back). Sheesh Jack you coulda just told me. This one’s easy to open, you just go past zero and…

Jack: Oh! I’m going to look at the old lock again. (he fiddles with the old combination lock). I just had to go past zero, that’s what I was doing wrong…now I remember the old combination! 7, 23, 9!!! (or whatever he said)

me: Really Jack?!

Jack: Now I don’t need the stupid green lock after all. Hah.

(I look at the counter where the packaging looks as if wolves ripped it apart with their teeth.)

me: I need to return that one now Jack…Grrrrrr….

---

And in other school news…

---

Jack: Oh, Our science teacher got into a car accident.

me: What?? Is he ok?

Jack: Yeah he’s ok. He had a doctor’s appointment today so we had a sub.

me: Oh, was it a he or a she?

Jack: A he, and he made random weird comments through the entire class, especially when a plane went by overhead and he told us about how he has an army of squirrels.

me: What?!

Jack: Then he ran out of the room and never came back.

me: What???

Jack: Well he eventually came back. But by then class was over.

me: Um… Ok….??

 

I’ve also heard stories about how Jack’s band teacher has them show up to class but doesn’t do anything. So they sit around for a half hour until class is over. But hey, Jack is getting good grades, so I can’t really complain! 🙂

Band Concert Blues

Jack had a surprise band concert this week. I say it’s a surprise because I only heard about it on Monday and the concert was On Tuesday. Talk about giving a little notice eh?

Me: Jack, how come you didn’t tell me about this concert! If we had some notice I would have invited some people! Now we’re rushing around and our schedule is all messed up 😦

Jack: I told you about it last year remember?

Me: sigh.

🎷🎷🎷🎷🎷🎷🎷

Later that night…

Me: you guys were so awesome at your concert… You looked like you were having fun…

Jack: Well, that 2nd song was impossible to play I kept getting confused.

Me: I thought you guys practiced? You should have practiced more?

Jack: You don’t understand…that song has confusing parts and the timing signatures are all messed up and 4/4 goes down to 2/4 and then the rests are only half as long in those parts but you don’t know that so it was very confusing to play.

Me: Um. Oh.

🎷🎷🎷🎷🎷🎷🎷🎷

Lol! I didn’t even know what he was saying it was so funny and I’m sure I messed up exactly what he said. But he ranted for like a full minute with all these words about timing and rests and fourths LOL. I so do not know how to read music that it is hysterical.

But yay! Jack was right in front for the first time in five years!!!!

Cloudy with a chance of washing machines…

Jack was at his dad’s last weekend. He missed the major snow squall we had back here in CT. Too soon. TOO SOON!!!!!!

me: Jack did you get any snow in New York in Saturday? We had a snow squall!

Jack: What’s a squall?

me: Like a quick burst of snow flurries, sort of.

Jack: We didn’t have a squall but someone was throwing a washing machine off the roof and Dad had to call the police.

me: Um..,,

Less face-to-face these days

Remember the good old days where I used to post very long and in-depth commentary from Jack? Well, these days we don’t spend a lot of Face-time together. Jack usually has his headphones on, is doing homework, or is otherwise occupied… (Three hours of bathroom time anyone?)… Just saying!

That alone leads to a blog that doesn’t have as much shit in it as it used to :-). When we are together, and Jack unleashes a spectacular one liner, or he has a rambling monologue about something, and I want to blog about it… I generally get vetoed.

He has editorial approval now that he is older and more sensitive to embarrassing moments that would be for ever caught on the inter-webs.

The one or two shining moments that I get with him each day have a lot of content in them… That would make great blog posts… But, by the time I get around to blogging, I’ve generally forgotten the gist of the conversation :-). I would hate to say that Jack’s blog is winding down… Because I still love to write about him… But this may be a natural progression! I don’t know of too many other blogs that have tracked their child since age 5 tight into the teenage years. If you know of any, please comment and let me know 🙂

me: Do you want me to make your lunch today?

Jack: —-

me: Helloooooo.

Jack: (big show of slowly removing headphones) What?

me: Oy, take your headphones off.

Jack: (grunt)

me: Do you want school lunch today?

Jack: No, the food is disgusting and unrecognizable. However… the pasta is awesome!

me: School pasta is awesome huh?

Jack: —-

me: Helloooo!

Jack: (slowly removing headphones) Whaaaasatttt…

me: Nevermind.

And there you have it. Monday through Friday people! Actually I now have the “no headphones at breakfast rule” so we can actually say a few words before he runs out the door at (gasp) 6:45. Ungodly hour!!