Jack: (from the back seat of my car) Can we play airplane?
me: Okay. Thank you for flying Mom-Air! Flight attendants, prepare for takeoff.
Jack: When do we get snacks?
me: Keep your seatbelt fastened sir, we’ll come around after we reach 30,000 feet.
Jack: Can this hill be like we’re taking off?
me: Okay (I hit the gas a little and fake airplane taking off noises)
Jack: Are we up in the air yet?
me: We have reached our final altitude here at Mom-Air. The captain has turned on the “brush your teeth” sign.
Jack: Mommmmm, that’s not fun!
me: The flight attendants will be serving minty or plain flavored dental floss for your convenience.
Jack: There’s no bathroom on this plane!
me: Guess you have to hold it then. And you can floss right in your seat!
Jack: What about real stuff?
me: It’s Mom-Air, so it’s all stuff that Mom’s like.
Jack: That’s weird!! (but he’s laughing)
me: We will offer healthy snacks such as celery and apples.
Jack: Why don’t you just say “a tasteless snack will be served soon”?
me: (now I’m cracking up) That’s pretty good Jack.
Jack: Or how about “you are free to levitate any person you want back to your seat to be your slave!”
me: Sigh…
Sh*t My 17-Year-Old Says 