Are bad guys gonna get me?

Jack: What would you do if a bad guy took me?

me: He’d be in serious trouble.

Jack: But what would you DO!?

me: I haven’t thought about it because we never let you out of our sight. So a bad guy wouldn’t have a chance to take you.

Jack: Are there bad guys in this town?

me: I’m sure there are some, but not too many. They like to stick to the bigger cities.

Jack: Why?

me: More places to hide out.

Jack: Oh. Will one ever come to this house?

me: I don’t think so.

Jack: Ohhhh, I’m SO scared!!! (read: overtired, overstimulated and hopped up on cotton candy)

me: We’re always gonna be here to protect you.

Jack: What’s Dad gonna do?

me: The same thing I would do. It would be a bad guy take down!

Jack: Mom, you’re not taking him down to Provincetown! Sheesh!

me: What about Chinatown? Can we take him down there?

(Our dumb saying of “take you down to Chinatown” has morphed to “take you down to Provincetown” and even Jack’s funnier version of “I’m gonna take you down to Hmm Hmm town” when he can’t think of a town name. Let me remind you, we’re weird!)

Jack: Noooo, how about I sleep with a bat under my bed.

me: If it will make you feel better.

Jack: It didn’t work for Calvin. He ended up hammering everything in his bedroom at 3am because he was scared and his Dad got real mad.

me: I can see how that would make a Dad get upset at 3am.

Jack: Let’s just move to an even smaller town with NO bad guys.

me: I will see if there are any left. Goodnight.

Jack: Goodnight.

Ah to be so innocent as to think there is any place left on earth that contains humans and is devoid of bad guys. Wait, there actually is one, and you can read about it here. Hmm.

How a post on bike riding ends up with Alice Cooper…??

(photo courtesy of nowthatsnifty.blogspot.com)

Wow, that’s about 10 minutes of my life I won’t get back. I was thinking of the things that Jack and I talked about while we rode our bikes today. We covered a lot of ground from bugs to bad guys and everything in between. Then I remembered the “School’s out for the summer” song that I taught Jack this year on his last day of first grade. We sang some of that as we pedaled through the woods. So of course I had to Google Alice Cooper and read the entire wiki on his first big hit! Interesting, kind of…

Anyway…

It was Jack’s longest ride ever (perhaps mine too!) 5.5 miles. I have a sore “A” and a cut up shin from trying to avoid hitting him and then wiping out gloriously on the trail in front of a few other parents and kids. I tried to play it off so cool.

Jack: Why do mosquitoes just love us! (swat swat)

me: They drink blood. We have blood.

Jack: Can’t they eat a cracker? Oh, look, if I run around in a circle, they can’t land on me (puff puff)

me: We have to start riding again, okay? Those walkers passed us like 3 times…

Jack: Let me finish my snack… here little mosquito, want a cracker??

me: Alright, ready?

Jack: Yeah…so how far do you think we went?

me: (Glancing back and noticing that the start of the trail was still visible) Not very far…

Jack: Then let’s GO! (he zooms off)

me: So is this as fun as you thought it would be?

Jack: Oh yeah, this is awesome! On your left! (he’s a pro at passing people)

People: Hey it’s you guys again!

me: Yeah, we keep stopping for breaks and you keep walking by us again heh heh…

Jack: Mom needs lots of breaks! (much laughter from people and Jack is proud of his joke)

me: Oh very funny mister!

Jack: I dreamed that bad guys were coming to our house. How are we safe from bad guys!!??

me: We have an alarm, so that helps.

Jack: Maybe I should stay up at night and watch.

me: That’s what Daddy and I do. We’re light sleepers. Plus we have attack kitties.

Jack: Oh Ed will run away for sure.

me: What about Bella?

Jack: She’ll slice em to pieces.

me: Totally!

Jack: (he sighs…) I love summer vacation. What’s that song again?

me: School’s out for the summer!

Jack: Yeah! (He starts singing it loudly as he is being passed by a toddler on a bike with training wheels)

me: Can we maybe speed it up please?

Jack: Oh, I was giving your legs a break.

me: Sigh…