My favorite thing to do in the morning, well it used to be… read a book while eating a bowl of cereal! Now it’s Jack’s favorite thing to do, while I run around getting things ready for the day. School snack, homework, my lunch, feed the cats, empty the litter box, get Jack to brush (GAH!), wash his face, fix his hair and get dressed, “no, we can’t watch just one episode of anything”, get me showered/dressed/etc, pack my gym bag. Should I go on?
(You’ll notice I’m not going to mention anything about Jack’s sleepover birthday party in this post. It will take me a day or two to be able to write about that one hahahahaha… It’s soon to be time for Sh*t My 10-Year-Old Says…next week!)
So yesterday I found myself with a bit of free time when I woke up. Things were all ready for Jack’s party. All pre-planned, just like a good little Virgo… I decided to eat that bowl of cereal and finish my book. Ahhhhhhh…..
I sat down at the counter with Jack next to me with HIS cereal and HIS book. Ahhhhh…
Jack finished first and ran upstairs to play Legos for a few minutes. I slowly chewed and turned pages. AHHHHHHH!!!!
Jack: Um… MOMMMMMMMM!!!!
me: (snorting my lactose free Almond milk up my nose) GEEZ what??!!
Jack: Come up here NOWWWWW!
I literally carried my bowl of cereal with me, as I was so anxious to finish it before it got soggy… 😦
me: What the heck is going on?
Jack: Look. (he pointed to his bed.) Ed.
me: Ed what? Ohhhhhh….
Jack: He pooped on my bed.
me: Sighhhh. Second time this week. Bleh. (Down goes the bowl with the uneaten cereal developing more sog.)
I cleaned up the poop. Checked for pee. None, thank the holy you know what. But then realized that the poop had polluted through all the layers on the bed. Comforter. Fuzzy blanket. Sheet. Some stuffed animals that were close by. UGH! Everything went down into the laundry room. Of course the laundry room was full of things being washed and dried, so I piled this stuff on the floor. I ran up, grabbed my bowl of cereal with every intention of dumping it and starting again. Ahhhhh. I could salvage this!
I came down to the kitchen and saw the butt end of Bella sticking out of the sink as I walked through the living room.
I put the bowl down and ran.
me: BELLA NO!!!
She was in mid drain cleaning and didn’t hear me coming so she leaped right out of her fur and crashed across the counter to get away from me. Things went flying. Dish towel. Semi-dry bowls and silverware. I think I was swearing like Yosemite Sam “why you no good razza frazza varmit” as I tried to put everything back together. Okay. Can we just all calm down.
My phone beeped. Ohhhhh, okay. Jack’s dad had decided to come up for a visit and he was going to be at the train station at 9:30. Ugh, I had a half hour to get ready!
My phone beeped again. The lady that made Jack’s cake (soccer field with giant soccer ball! I know I said I wouldn’t type about the birthday party, but this part was great!) …said she was going to be here in 15 minutes. Gah!
It was just going to be one of those days. I got the cake, picked up Jack’s dad, returned some things at the store, bought Jack some soccer cleats for (yay!) spring soccer, went shopping for some last minute things, did some party prep to keep myself busy, brought Jack’s dad back to the train station, etc.
Later, after Jack’s dad had left, and before the sleepover gang arrived, Jack wandered by and saw a bowl of “something” on the ottoman in the living room.
Jack: What the heck is this??
me: Ugh. Gimme. (my bowl of soggy cereal had swelled into a lump of puffy brown stuff)
Jack: Too lazy to put the bowl away huh?
me: Grrrrrr….!
Sh*t My 6-Year-Old Says (but he's 18 now) 