Conversations, Emotions, Food

How fat are we? (Jack screams for ice cream)

Pretty fat. Should I speak for myself? Maybe.

We’ve been eating a LOT of ice cream in the last month. Like every day just about. I gained 7 pounds REAL easy, and now I’m stopping the madness and hopefully it will drop off me overnight. Hahahaha!

Jack: (eating a cup of chocolate/vanilla twist ice cream covered in chocolate chips and sprinkles) Ahhhh, this is the life. Can I try yours? Is it safe??

me: (trying to hog my black raspberry cone with chocolate sprinkles) Really? You have a BIG bowl all to yourself.

Jack: (Bambi eyes). Please?? I’m your only son! And you’re too old to have more babies right?

me: Nice. Here try. No tree nuts. I promise.

Jack: Oh that is SO good. No wonder you get it every day.

me: And thanks for the reminder. Ugh. (but it’s sooo good)

Jack: (panic sets in) Oh OHHHH!!!

me: What??!! Does your throat itch? WHAT??

Jack: (tearing up) I wanted to, to, to order a m-m-milkshaaaaaake!  WAAAAHHHHHH!

me: Really? Right here in the ice cream place you’re gonna have a fit? Jack come on. You have a nice cup of your favorite ice cream.

Jack: Return this!!! (he shoves his almost-gone bowl of ice cream at me)

me: No way! You ordered it and ate it. We can get a milkshake tomorrow. (and another cone for me. UGHHHH!)

Jack: I want it NOW!!!

me: And, we’re done. Let’s go. You can get it tomorrow I said. You can’t return eaten ice cream. Sheesh.

Jack: You won’t remember tomorrow!

me: Yes I will.

 

(tomorrow… which is today)

 

Jack: I’m ready for my milkshake!

me: Uh, I’m not feeling very well and I need to go home. I can make you one at home.

Jack: YOUR MILKSHAKES STINK!

me: Heyyy, calm down. You never even HAD a milkshake of mine. What the heck are you talking about.

Jack: Yes I did. Last week. And it stunk.

(sidebar: I think the last time I used the blender was last year, for smoothies, sigh)

me: Now you’re not telling the truth. Think about that.

Jack: (pitches a holy fit)

me: And guess what, now there’s no milkshakes at all.

Jack: (GASP!) But why?? Yours are SOOOO Good! I was only kidding!! WAAAAHHHH

 

See how my week has been going? Plus I still have those 7 extra pounds. School starts in a few weeks. Ahhhhh! Now I know why they play that happy Staples commercial with the Dad dancing through the store buying supplies for his kids. Starting to totally get that one.

 

 

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On and off like a faucet

Jack: (crying hysterically) Wahhhhhhh!!! In like 10 years you and Daddy will be dead and I’ll have no parents!! Waaahhhh!

me: We’ll only be 52 then. I think we’ll be fine for a long time.

Jack: (stops crying immediately) Really? Oh.

me: All better?

Jack: (thinks about it for a second) Waaaahhhhhhh! In 50 years you’ll BOTH BE DEAD and I’ll be a… (he stops crying) …what’s that called?

me: Orphan.

Jack: Wahhhhhh!! I’ll be an orphannnnnnnn!!! (blows his nose and clings to me sobbing all over my shirt)

me: Sweetie, take a breath. Why do you think these things before bed?

Jack: (crying and hiccuping) Just…Let… Me… Hyperlate!  (more sniffing and sobbing)

me: Hyperlate?

Jack: Until I pass out and dieeeeee. Waaaahhhhhh!!!

me: Oh, you mean hyperventilate?

Jack: (stops crying immediately) Oh. Ha! Is that what it’s called? What did I say? Hyperlate? That’s soooo funny!!  Hey Mom? Because I’m so sad, will you brush my teeth for me?

(And they say we’re moody? Sheesh.)