Books, Conversations

Bat Boy

We’re at the doctor’s office picking up forms, having a checkup, trying to avoid Jack getting a shot, the usual Mom fun.. School starts tomorrow! Omg…

Jack picks up the baby book – Are You My Mother?

Jack: (In his best deep Batman voice) Are you my Mother? Out of the nest he went but he could not fly…

I almost fell on the floor laughing. The doctor came in and was wondering why we both looked like we had been crying.

(Thanks BatDad)


  
  

Allergies

A day at the allergist…more on tree nuts

I had almost forgotten that today Jack had an appointment at his allergist. Since he broke out in hives the other day, and we weren’t sure it was a virus at first, I made the appointment just to be safe. Almost missed that sucker. Would’ve cost 50 bucks!

Jack was okay with the fact that we were going, and he said he was going to be brave and all that…until we walked in the door. He hasn’t been there in 3 years, since the “incident” of 2008 when he ended up in the hospital. I told him over and over that they were just going to put the little dots of stuff on his arms and it would be okay.

Okay it was not.

He freaked the F out on everyone in the room. Poor nurse. We tried everything to calm him down.

Jack: NO, no no nonononononoooooooo! I don’t want to do this!

nurse: But I’ll show you ahead of time how it feels with a fake one.

Jack: ON MY ARM???!!!

nurse: Of course. Here you can hold it. Just touch it to your arm and see.

Jack: (barely touches it to his skin) OWWWWWW!!!!!! WAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (crying hysterically)  It’s HURTING me!!!!

me: Jack, it’s not even on you now. You have to breathe… Come on.

Jack: No! No! No! (hyperventilating) I have to CALM down!

me: It doesn’t hurt, really, it’s just a dot. Listen LISTEN! BREATHE! (I give apologetic eyes to the nurse and rub Jack’s back)

nurse: Calm down okay, we’ll give you a minute and then…

Jack: NOOOOOO!!!! WAHHHHH!!!!

(two other nurses come into the room)

Jack: What do THEY WANT!!!! (he’s shrieking now)

nurse: Well, when they hear screaming like this we have to get a few people to hold your arms still.

me: You’re getting the test, so all this fuss is really making it last much longer. We would have been done by now Jack.

Jack: I want my MOM to hold my arms!!! (he’s still crying and hyperventilating)

nurse: That’s fine, but you have to calm down and relax. We’ll give you a minute. You can have a prize when you’re done…

Jack: I NEED AN HOUR!!! BUT I WANT A PRIZE NOWWWWW!!!

(They all chuckle and he looks around wild-eyed. Seriously, I go through this once a year at his annual physical. I’m sorta used to it. I start filing my nails.)

me: Whenever your ready Jack, but if it’s not in a minute then we’ll have to leave and do it all over again.

Jack: (now hiding behind me on the tiny chair, panting) Okay OKAY, I can do it! WAHHHHHH!!!!!

me: Come on, hold your arms out. (the nurse does the first set on his right arm…barely touching him)

Jack: AAAAHHHH…oh, wait, that wasn’t bad…(sniffle cough hack sniffle)

me: Blow your nose. What a mess. Let’s do the other one.

Jack: Ha ha, that’s IT? Really? I’m done?

nurse: Yep, all done.

(the backup nurses laugh and leave)

me: All done. See you were brave.

Jack: Where’s the prize?? (snot is running down his face now)

me: Manners!

(the doctor comes in to assess the “dots” on Jack’s arms)

Jack: They ITCH OWWWW!!! Can I scratch!!!!! (he’s ramping up again)

Doc: No, don’t touch and I’ll just have a look.

Jack: Is this gonna mess with my pituitary gland or something?

Doc: (stops abruptly and looks up) You’re 6? What a funny kid. How do you know that word?

Jack: Oh from reading. It messes with your growing.

Doc: (looks over at me)

me: (shrugging) Yeah, I’m kinda used to it.

(We left the office and passed through the waiting room. Jack was all hyper and happy that it was over. Riding out that adrenaline rush I guess)

Jack: I REALLY think they’re messing with our pituitary glands in here Mom! (people in the waiting room laugh and shake their heads)

nurse: Well, Jack, you really gave us a good time in there. How do you feel? All better?

Jack: Yeah, I’m never coming back to this crazy place again. Who knows WHAT you’re really doing back there.

me: Jack! (sigh…)

Here are a couple of links to past posts on Jack’s allergies:

Why is God so rude?

Allergen-free cookie mix

Hellooooo Spungfield!

A Lesson in Sweets

Yesterday’s post…

Subaru Confessions

Subaru Confessions part deux

Jack: I’m not going in that building of DOOM!

me: It’s not doom.

Jack: Oh, like YOU’VE ever been in there for yourself!

me: Well not literally this building, but I have my own.

Jack: Well it’s not doom like this. And if that same lady comes in first…

me: Settle down, they’re just gonna look at you.

Jack: No shots?

me: No shots. Promise.

Jack: Even without a shot it’s still a doomed building.

me: I’m sure the doctor will love to hear that.

____________________________________

Jack: Mom, how did the first Mexican mom get born if Adam and Eve were American?

me: (?)

Jack: Oh, they must have had ALL the parts in them at the same time. To make like brown skin people and Mexicans and the Jewish people, because today’s their holiday you know.

____________________________________

me: Did you fold your uniform when we got home? I should have checked, but I seem to think you might have just flung it across the room.

Jack: Well, I started folding it and then I decided that I don’t have time for all of this. That would have wasted like 3 hours of play time.

____________________________________

Jack: Can you stop driving like 100 miles for an hour?

me: Per.

Jack: Huh?

me: Per hour.

Jack: Prower is NOT a word, so can ya slow down lady!

____________________________________

Jack: When we get home can I drive?

me: What? No you can’t drive.

Jack: You said if I had a good day I could drive your car.

me: I did not.

Jack: Yesss! You SAID “If you behave for me every day and have a perfect school year with no trouble, I’ll give you my car keys and you can drive.”

me: I was joking and we haven’t gotten through the whole school year yet AND you’ve been rude to me already today.

Jack: Hey, I can’t wait that long, so instead of driving around town, I’ll just drive up and down the driveway, okay?