You are now free to move about the back seat

Jack: (from the back seat of my car) Can we play airplane?

me: Okay. Thank you for flying Mom-Air! Flight attendants, prepare for takeoff.

Jack: When do we get snacks?

me: Keep your seatbelt fastened sir, we’ll come around after we reach 30,000 feet.

Jack: Can this hill be like we’re taking off?

me: Okay (I hit the gas a little and fake airplane taking off noises)

Jack: Are we up in the air yet?

me: We have reached our final altitude here at Mom-Air. The captain has turned on the “brush your teeth” sign.

Jack: Mommmmm, that’s not fun!

me: The flight attendants will be serving minty or plain flavored dental floss for your convenience.

Jack: There’s no bathroom on this plane!

me: Guess you have to hold it then. And you can floss right in your seat!

Jack: What about real stuff?

me: It’s Mom-Air, so it’s all stuff that Mom’s like.

Jack: That’s weird!! (but he’s laughing)

me: We will offer healthy snacks such as celery and apples.

Jack: Why don’t you just say “a tasteless snack will be served soon”?

me: (now I’m cracking up) That’s pretty good Jack.

Jack: Or how about “you are free to levitate any person you want back to your seat to be your slave!”

me: Sigh…


The fate of humanity

me: Oh for Pete’s sake, this traffic SUCKS! (I’m hunched over the wheel telling anyone that will listen that I will not ever come back out here on a holiday weekend.)

Jack: (calmly from the back seat) I know why there are so many more cars on the road now.

me: Do tell!

Jack: Humans are slowly losing their ability to walk.