Mom’s a Fathead

Jack: Stop looking at clothes! (He tries to drag me to the toy section)

me: Moms need new clothes too you know. Plus, a lot of my stuff is too big now.

Jack: Yeah you lost a lot of weight! Good job Mom!

me: Thanks. Only 4 pounds to go. If only I could choose where to lose it from. Let’s see, 1 from each hip, 1 from my stomach and I don’t know where I’d pick for the last pound…

Jack: (points to my head)

me: Gee, thanks.


Your big fat butt

Oh that’s right, I said it. (snap!). You have a big butt.

And by “you” I mean “me”.

At least according to some little person I know, who stands about ohhhh … butt high.


Jack: Hey can you move it?

me: You mean excuse me?

Jack: Yeah, if you were smaller I wouldn’t have to say excuse me.

me: Thanks.

Jack: (walks around to stare at my butt, and then pokes it) Your butt is big.

me: Is this how you want your night to end?

Jack: (poke poke) You should lose some weight.

me: You do know that grown ups are bigger than 6 year olds, right?

Jack: I know that! But still, maybe a diet?

me: And we’re stronger. (he doesn’t get the hint…)

Jack: (looks at my front) Why do ladies always have to lose weight?

me: Who’s telling you this by the way??

Jack: No one! I made this up all by myself.

me: Great. I happen to think my butt is the perfect size for my body. Thank you very much.

Jack: It doesn’t matter if YOU think it’s perfect, it matters if OTHER people think it is.

me: Sigh…

(click if you dare)