Where is the time going? And my favorite posts of all times.

Down from multiple posts in a week when Jack was 5 and 6… to maybe 1 per week when Jack was 7-10. Then I slowed down a bit more to maybe 2 or 3 posts a month from ages 10-13. Now look at me! I think I’m maxing out at 1 per month. Some months a bit more, but that’s simply a product of Jack growing up and frankly we don’t spend 24/7 together anymore.

Here’s a typical day during the school week. (Mom’s of young ones, be forewarned, you might not realize what’s coming!!)

Wake up at 6am. Jack goes and gets dressed, eats breakfast and gets his things ready while I get dressed, feed the cats and give Moca a short walk.

I drive Jack to school around 6:55, with Moca in the back. It’s a 10 minute drive to the school. Then Moca and I head home, I finish her walk, feed her and get ready for work.

At 3pm I pick Jack up at home when he gets off the bus. We have 10 minutes in the house and we’re ready to head to rowing. He rows now! Anyway, that’s about a 15 minute drive, I drop him off and go back to work until 6. Then I pick him up and we head home.

Jack then showers while I make dinner. We eat together and then he does homework until 9 or 10. Then bed.

THAT’S IT! Where is the time for meaningful conversation?

Total time together… maybe 2 hours MAX. More like 1.5 hours, which includes driving to and from places. Now how do I find blog-worthy material in that time??

Remember when they were little? On your hip, or at your feet all day and all night. They slept in your bed even. So, when Jack was 5 and 6 and 7, we spent a lot more time together and we talked a lot more.

Our conversations these days sometimes go from talking about the national health crisis, to 9/11, to street artists and politics. Remember when it was all about monsters in the closet, eat your veggies and trying to stop your kids from sucking their thumb? I miss those times and those blog posts. Some of my favorite posts of all times are here. Check em out. I really like all of the ones from ages 5-10 the best. 🙂

Post 1: It’s all about Fall with a 5 year old. 🙂

Post 2: Another one from when Jack was 5 and had to learn every single thing by himself. (he even potty trained himself, but that’s a story I’ve already told I’m sure.)

Post 3: Jack was 9, and oh-so-muh-fun to take on a bike ride 🙂

Post 4: The 8-year-old that teaches his mom a new word. LOL!

Post 5: Some one liners from a 9 year old.

Post 6: Camp rating system.

Post 7: One of my faves of the faves 🙂

And…

Here are some highlights of recent conversations, not verbatim but from my old and failing memory 🙂 … Jack will have to go easy on the lack of exact recall.

These were mostly talks had in the car, by the way…

 

Jack: What do you think about Socialism?

me: Well, There are pros and cons… I like the idea of everyone having what they need, and everyone having access to health care and education… But, that also means that not everyone will work as hard as they can to get what they want or need. We’re based on Capitalism and that means that anyone can achieve anything if they work for it, but not everyone has the same opportunities based on so many things like- – –

Jack: (interrupts) Way to be vague Mom.

me: (Sigh…) Oh, by the way I ordered your uniform for rowing and also got the jacket and two hats. I want to wear one at the races!

Jack: Don’t wear that hat Mom, you’ll look like a Trump supporter.

me: Jack, Just because it’s a red hat doesn’t mean anything. And, the hat has your racing logo on it, it’s not a political statement, sheesh. Hey did you see my texts from this morning? Pretty funny huh?

Jack: Those are old memes from like 2004. Stop spamming my phone or I’ll have to block you.

me: Ummm… no, if you block me you’ll have no phone to block WITH.

Jack: Sighhh….

And so on and so forth. Then I pick him up after school and we pretty much go back and forth with “Do you have homework?”, “Hurry up, we’re going to be late” and “You’re not helping me at all and that’s why we’re going to be late.”.

And repeat.

So, moms of little ones that never stop talking, and you can’t think straight and you just want a few minutes of quiet and want to be able to finish a cup of coffee without being interrupted or want to use the bathroom with complete privacy…

Be careful what you wish for. I would go back in a heartbeat.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s amazing to watch Jack change into a handsome, smart, young man and I’m so excited to watch him develop the skills that will take him into the rest of his life. It’s just that he was so cute back then and I could lift him! Now he’s over 6 feet and I seriously would strain something if I tried to lift him. He’s actually become a much bigger help at home, he’s maturing, and can reach things that I can’t. And I also hear through the grapevine he’s the world’s best boyfriend. Yes, that’s right. He’s “dating.” And, as you know, I don’t really talk about Jack’s friends or his girlfriend here simply because this is his blog and I respect the privacy of others.

Here are a few pics to catch you up on Jack’s world…

Can you spot him in the boat above?

How about this one above? He’s the one with the really bent arms. 🙂

Who travels more than me? Jack of course.

A selfie from his birthday…

Real-life undo button needed…

Some days need an undo button. I would have worn that button out today…

Jack had a sleepover last night and he and his friend slept in a tent that I set up in the front yard. I took them to the town pool last night and then got them pizza. This morning I decided to take them to the beach. Seemingly innocent and relaxing. 

My trouble started on the way to the beach, first with me missing the turn to the highway, taking us miles out of the way, and then with me hacking my shoulder open on a hook at the gas station rest area as I kindly jumped out of the way to let a lady pass. That’s a 4″ x 1″ mark that I will have forever. If I made that turn I would have never stopped at that rest area and my shoulder would not have gotten mauled. 😦 

Then at the beach I helped Jack video tape some stuff for his You Tube channel (Trick Shots & Stuff) and slipped on a rock (that I said was not slippery) and received two knifelike wounds on my heel that are about 2″ long and 1/4″ deep. I could hold mail in those cuts and it would stand right up. As I hopped over to the lifeguard station on my tiptoe I stepped on a shell that punctured the same foot and left a wicked wound in the shape and size of a bullet hole. Wtf. These are all throbbing as I type this…

(It gets better)

I then take jack and the friend for seafood, and ice cream. We head home and drop the friend at his house. I walk in my door finally (well limp) and go directly to my fridge and pop open a can of orange seltzer water. I shriek! The pop tab has nearly severed my pointer finger because it has this metal shard hanging off of it. I whimper, bandage THAT part of me, and want my day to end; however we had plans to take another friend of Jack’s out with us to see some fireworks, so we have to hurry and get ready to go. I wonder how much fun I’ll be with all my boo-boos, and whether or not I can even go to taekeondo next week!

Jack: We should have filmed more trick shots n stuff but you were… “hurt”.

me: Jack, my foot was hacked to bits today, sheesh. I did film you in all those other parts before I cut my foot. Remember?

Jack: No. You never want to do ANYTHING!!!!!

   
  

    
 

So, a skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a drink and a mop

Get it?

A comment from one of my readers sent me back to an old post and I started to reminisce and read stuff from 2010, which led me to THIS post. It’s pretty funny to go back and read all of the crazy things that went on with a 5 year old. And 6. And 7. I’m surprised I’m still writing. Albeit, less frequently. But here I am!

Jack was and still is a funny guy. Today we went to Jack’s new camp. He’s doing two week intervals between outdoor nature camp and indoor gymnastics camp. I have to say, with this weather, I’m glad he’s indoors. It’s sickeningly hot out there!

Jack: Oh yeah it’s my first day at gymnastics camp! I forgot!

me: Yeah, you’ll do this for two weeks and see how you like it. Then back to the outdoor camp.

Jack: (Looks around horrified.) Mommm …(tug tug) these are all little GIRLS!!

me: Um, hold on, let’s ask. Excuse me, are there any other boys in camp?

Lady: Oh yes! Though they might not be in Jack’s group…

Jack: (whimper)

me: It’s fiiine. Just wait and see how the day goes ok? I’m sure you’ll be with the boys doing boy stuff!

Jack: I do NOT want to be in a girl’s class!

me: I know, I know, but they have boy stuff too…

Lady: Ok Jack. Here’s your name tag. You’re in the PINK group this week!

Jack: (throws me a terrified look as I escape out the door)

me: Bye sweetie!

Ugh, I hope the day went well. No calls from camp so far!!! 🙂 I will let you know all about it in my next post!

8 reasons why we are probably not sending out Christmas cards.

This was just for fun. Imagine if I was really trying to take a nice photo.

Jack: Can I wear my jester hat and then you take a picture for our Christmas cards?

me: Can you pose nicely?

Jack: I always pose nicely!

 

You are now free to move about the back seat

Jack: (from the back seat of my car) Can we play airplane?

me: Okay. Thank you for flying Mom-Air! Flight attendants, prepare for takeoff.

Jack: When do we get snacks?

me: Keep your seatbelt fastened sir, we’ll come around after we reach 30,000 feet.

Jack: Can this hill be like we’re taking off?

me: Okay (I hit the gas a little and fake airplane taking off noises)

Jack: Are we up in the air yet?

me: We have reached our final altitude here at Mom-Air. The captain has turned on the “brush your teeth” sign.

Jack: Mommmmm, that’s not fun!

me: The flight attendants will be serving minty or plain flavored dental floss for your convenience.

Jack: There’s no bathroom on this plane!

me: Guess you have to hold it then. And you can floss right in your seat!

Jack: What about real stuff?

me: It’s Mom-Air, so it’s all stuff that Mom’s like.

Jack: That’s weird!! (but he’s laughing)

me: We will offer healthy snacks such as celery and apples.

Jack: Why don’t you just say “a tasteless snack will be served soon”?

me: (now I’m cracking up) That’s pretty good Jack.

Jack: Or how about “you are free to levitate any person you want back to your seat to be your slave!”

me: Sigh…

Eating ice cream cone = Cardio

I have never been one to take eating an ice cream cone lightly. Once you’re in, you’re in. You have to commit entirely. It’s like a 10-15 minute relationship, depending on the size of the cone and the voraciousness of your appetite, multiplied by the temperature outside and who you’re with. These are all factors in your total ice cream eating experience.

If it’s sweltering hot out, you have to step your game up a notch and catch all the drips, turning the cone frantically, never pausing for fear of a major leak that could take down the entire structure. I hear drill sergeant voices in my head…”Turn”! “Pivot”! “Eat”! “LICK Goddamn it”!!! It’s almost too much pressure. Almost. And if you’re with people that like to have long lengthy conversations while eating a cone, well then, that’s a whole other thing altogether. I hold up the “one minute” finger as I massacre my cone. Yeah the finger stays up until I’m done. I don’t care who’s waiting for me to answer them. They shouldn’t have invited me for ice cream if they’re offended.

I also have this … shall we call it a “milk” thing. I will not share milk or ice cream or creamy desserts with ANYone, unless I carefully divide them ahead of time. I don’t drink my cereal milk. Ever. I don’t dunk cookies. I tried, and yes it tasted good, but the dry heaves took all the pleasure out of that. You can understand, right? (Just imagine how I felt when this happened…)

Now take ALL that “fun”, and try and teach it to a 6-year-old, or younger, whatever the case may be. I almost need to go home and sedate myself after we’re finished with a trip to Dairy Queen.

me: Do you want it in a cup?

Jack: No, definitely a cone.

me: (mild panic) But then it drips all down your wrists, and you get all sticky, so…

Jack: Cone.

me: Sigh. Okay.

Jack: Oh I love the twisty ice cream!

me: Let’s go outside to eat it.

Jack: It’s so HOT out.

me: Actually, maybe we should eat inside? (I look longingly back into the frigid interior) It will melt too quickly out here.

Jack: No!! I’ll eat it REAL fast.

me: I hope so. Oh, hey it’s dripping back there. You have to turn Jack.

Jack: I AM turning. Sheesh.

me: No, here…turn it again. LICK! It’s getting all down your hand. (gag)

Jack: (trying frantically to keep up with my instructions) Hey, guess what, after we finish the ice cream we should —

me: (full panic) NO talking, just catch the drips! Don’t mash down the top with your mouth. Why are you biting the bottom off your cone!!??

Jack: So I can suck out the ice cream.

me: That’s what you do with a pointy cone, these just cave in. Sigh…

Jack: Oh, uh oh! It just caved in. (he starts shoveling pieces in his mouth and licking his hands)

me: (feeling faint) Okay okay, here just eat that and take these napkins.

Jack: (mouth entirely full) Ah thuhnk I gaht dum in ma eye!

me: Why is it in your eye! OH for Pete’s sake. Let’s go back in and wash you up.

 

Back inside it’s 50 degrees cooler, the kids all have cones that are still frozen and they’re eating them nicely while their parents talk to each other. Like humans. I’m covered in the remnants of chocolate/vanilla sludge with bits of cone stuck to my wrists and there’s a huge drip down my HELLOOOO expensive purse!

I’m more of a cookie person.