Sh*t My 6-Year-Old Says (but he's 18 now)
I started this blog when Jack was only 5 years old! And, still, I can't make this sh*t up!
Jack: What are my vocal cords made of?
me: Skin.
Jack: What’s skin made of?
me: Cells.
Jack: What are cells made of?
me: Molecules.
Jack: What are molecules made of?
me: Atoms.
Jack: What are atoms made of?
me: Energy.
Jack: What’s energy made of?
me: God.
Jack: What’s God made of?
me: Your vocal cords.
Jack: What are my … HEYYYY!!!!!
Jack: Tell me again about Noah’s Ark.
me: (do NOT judge my storytelling) Well, God came down to talk to Noah and told him there was gonna be a great flood.
Jack: God wasn’t alive!
me: I guess he was back then. So God said he needed to get rid of the sinners on Earth so he was going to make it rain for 40 days and 40 nights.
Jack: The sinners were all bad?
me: The worst.
Jack: I bet they all smoked cigarettes.
me: Probably. So God told Noah to build a HUGE ark out of wood, and then get his sons and their wives, plus 2 of every creature on Earth and put them on the ark so they’d be safe from the flood.
Jack: Then the rest of the people and animals would die?
me: That’s what I’m told.
Jack: What happened next?
me: Noah built the hugest ark you ever saw and then some of his sons went and gathered the animals to save time.
Jack: Did they grab 2 snakes?
me: Yes they got 2 of everything.
Jack: Even mosquitoes?
me: Are there mosquitoes out there now?
Jack: Yeah.
me: Then they grabbed them too.
Jack: What about lions?
me: Jack they grabbed 2 of everything. Every single thing.
Jack: Plants too?
me: Just live creatures.
Jack: Fish?
me: (pausing…) Oh, they didn’t have to grab fish because they would survive the flood. (whew)
Jack: Then what?
me: Once everyone was on the ark and all the animals were in their pens, God sent the rain. After 40 days and nights the rain stopped and Noah peeked out a window and saw the entire earth was covered in water.
Jack: Did they have food?
me: Yeah they packed enough to last.
Jack: They couldn’t cook it though or else they’d burn the ark, right?
me: Right. They ate cold food.
Jack: Oh. Did they have lights?
me: No, they went to bed when it was nighttime.
Jack: So then the rain stopped and they sent out a dove to find land.
me: And he came back with an olive branch in his mouth and then they all knew there was land ahead. So they floated in that direction and landed the ark and let all of the animals out to go free. Then the people built houses and stuff.
Jack: And then they had babies that had more babies and then those babies had babies and everyone on Earth was made again.
me: I think that’s how it goes.
Jack: But if all the sinners were dead, then why do we have bad people now. And why do people still smoke!!!???
me: Uh…
Jack: And wait just a minute. I thought we were all made from Adam and Eve!
me: Oh look, I think it’s bed time… We’ll finish up later…
(Yikes! I will have to look into those stories and cross check my facts. Or ask someone that goes to church regularly…)
(forgot to post this last night…fell asleep!)
Jack: (climbing into bed) I have to tell you something private. (he leans over to whisper) I’m scared to die.
me: Awww…yeah? (I hug him) Everyone dies some day.
Jack: How long does our body stay in the ground, like forever and ever?
me: Pretty much.
Jack: But we go up to heaven?
me: So they say.
Jack: What if there’s nothing fun to do up there???
me: I’m sure God has that covered.
Jack: Ohhh, I don’t know…. (he gets quiet and I can see the wheels turning)
me: (after a minute or two) Are you still picturing heaven?
Jack: No! These mosquito bites are driving me crazy…get the cream lady!
me: Sigh..
Just when you think they’re getting all deep in thought, kids will prove you wrong. Ha ha. It reminds me of a similar thing that happened to my brother, when he was about the same age as Jack, or maybe he was 7? I was (gasp) 23, and talking to my sister who was 18. We were talking about the Ouija board and ghosts and witches, and we sort of forgot John was in the room with us. I looked over at him, horrified as to what he might have just heard, or the nightmares he would have that night. He looked up with this weird expression and said “I wonder how they make paper?” My sister and I cracked up because he wasn’t even listening to us. We worry too much sometimes.
Sh*t My 6-Year-Old Says (but he's 18 now) 