I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Posts tagged “homework

Goldilocks and the 3 homeworks


Is it too hard, really easy or just right? Who knows!!??

me: Hey how was school?

Jack: OMG I have SOOOOO much home work!!!! Aaarrrggghhh!

me: How much?

Jack: I don’t know, I haven’t checked.

me: Checked your… notes??? That you wrote?

Jack: Yeah. Duh. 

Later…

me: Hey Jack do you want to walk Moca now or after your homework?

Jack: Let’s go now, my homework isn’t that bad. I can do it after.

me: Oh? What do you have?

Jack: I didn’t check yet!!! Sheesh!

Later…

me: How’s it going in there?

Jack: Math is done, Social Studies almost done and…

(Doorbell rings, Moca freaks out and Jack trips over himself to get to the door)

Jack: Mom can I go outside!

me: You have homework. Remember?

Jack: (talking really fast) I’m done with math, and only have one EASY paragraph for Social Studies and Spanish is two EASY sheets. Piece of cake… I can do it later in like 5 minutes. 

me: Sheesh.

He just came crashing in the door as I’m typing this.

Jack: Going to finish my homework!

He’s a good boy 😉


A Mom by Any Other Name…

  
Jack: (from the other room) Merpo!  Mongolo!!! Mush Mush!!! 

me: What are you yelling?

Jack: Hey hang low! Meemo!! Meaty T!

me: Do you need something? 

Jack: Low Five Get in here! Mombalo!!

me: (finally going into the kitchen) What’s going on Jack??

Jack: I need help with my homework.

me: Why didn’t you just call me?? Sheesh.

Jack: I did. Like 17 times. 

me: Sigh.

Jack: Can I have milk please Merpo?

me: Sigh.


Soooo Bored!

me: Let me read your homework before you submit it, okay? (Google docs is the site of choice in 6th grade).

Jack: Yeah, ok here it is.. (he pulls up a question and answer sheet for Science)

me: Good answers Jack. Wait, for this one, instead of saying you found it boring… here when you answered “What did I like least about this assignment”… (he wrote, “It was boring when I had to … ” something or other about the project), I think you might want to say “I found it tedious” or something.

Jack: Okay.

me: Instead of sounding like a dumb 11-year old all “I’m bored”, and “That’s Boring”, you can use a bigger word and sound smarter. Kay?

Jack: Okay. There done. (he submits the paper again online)

me: So, for the record, you know what “tedious” means, right? In case they ask?

Jack: Yeah, it means it was boring.

me: Sigh.


How to conduct a spelling test with a 5th grader

Jack: I’m going next doooooorrrr! (He runs for the door)

me: Wait, wait, homework!

Jack: I don’t have any. I forgot it. 

me: Those are completely opposite statements. How did you forget your homework?

Jack: I forgot to check my mailbox. We’re soooo busy! We had testing too!

me: Jack… Come on..,What was your homework supposed to be?

Jack: Spelling.

me: Ok. I’ll read your spelling words to you and if you spell them all correctly you can go outside and play next door.

Jack: Yay!

me: Trifold

Jack: T R I F O L D

me: Good. Semicircle.

Jack: I can’t wait to go outside. These are easy!

me: Ahem.

Jack: S E M I  DASH C I R C L E

me: Dash? Try again.

Jack: S E M I C I R C L E

me: Yep. How about Biweekly?

Jack: So can we go to Walgreens tomorrow and get that nerf gun?

me: (stare)

Jack: Sigh. B I W E E K L Y!!! Sheesh.

me: Good. Now try—-

Jack: (interrupting) Can we?

me: Jack let’s finish up. Midafternoon. Why aren’t there hyphens in these? Is that right?

Jack. Finish up Midafternoon? I won’t have time to play!!!!

me: That’s the word you have to spell. 

Jack: Oh. M I D A F T E R N O O N.

me: Yes. Ok…Triangle.

Jack: Seriously? TRIANGLE!!!  So easy.

me: Yep. 

Jack: Walgreens? Can we?

me: Maybe. 

Jack: But—-

me: There are like 10 more stinking words here. You know them, we’re just going through the motions, I know, but you are finishing. Bisect.

Jack: Sheesh. B I S E C T. (Muttering) … Well I’m getting that gun tomorrow and you can’t stop me.

me: Sigh. And when do you expect to do your homework that you forgot? 

 Jack: In the morning like I always do. I mean… Um…
 


2 or 3 words that Jack should never say

me: You know what? You should start a blog. I could help you set it up. It’s easy. And then you could type whatever you wanted about games or legos, or anything…

Jack: Oh yeah, I’ll start a blog and it will only have 3 words on it.

me: Be very careful before you say those 3 words out loud mister.

Jack: (cracks up laughing). Nevermind! Can I play my game between the writing and spelling homework?

me: No. Homework first.

Jack: Can I play after!!???

me: We’ll see…

Jack: We’ll SEE? That’s a NO!

me: We’ll see is distinctly neither a yes or no, and it’s depends entirely upon the circumstances that happen during or after homework.

Jack: Why does everything you say come out in long drawn out sentences?

me: Hey, I’m old. I have lots of words left to use up.

Jack: Yeah, well I only have TWO words for you that I have to say.

me: Sigh.

 

 


A Quiz For You

Jack: Here, I have a quiz for you.

me: What is it?

Jack: If Matt needs 500 signatures for his petition but only has 318, then how many does he need?

me: Let’s see…318 + 2 is 320 + 80 is…

Jack: I don’t need to hear your work!!

me: Sheesh Jack… So it’s 182? Am I right?

Jack: (scribbling something) I don’t know… I mean, yeah correct!!

me: Heeyyy let me see that. Is that your homework?? Jack…sigh…


I’ll take that bet

So, no power day 2. It’s fun for awhile just because of the novelty. Then, eh, I want eggs!! Or anything hot to eat. We had cereal last night. We took a vote and neither one of us wanted to prepare anything different.

We have the fridge hooked up to the generator. And a lamp. Coffee will be in soon. Luckily I have hot water! Yay! I’m wondering if the hair dryer will work on this rats nest of extension cords?? Now… Why does my phone auto correct ‘rats nest’ to ‘ears nears’? Sheesh.

The power decided to blip off just as we completed one section of Jack’s homework (though he doesn’t have school due to the storm). It’s a cardboard turkey that we decorated by gluing buttons on as the feathers. It looks really good. Jack picked out a football-shaped button to use as the eye, but we have to tie that one on.

Last night when we went to bed we left the football button on the counter. Of course this morning it was gone. Cats.

Jack: Mom the button isn’t here.

me: Look around. Probably on the floor?

Jack: Did you put it back in the container??

me: No. 10 bucks the kitties got it. Let’s search the floor.

Jack: I’ll take that bet! … Oh here it is!!! Hand over the 10 bucks lady!

me: I don’t think you understood the bet. I bet YOU 10 bucks that the cats played with the button. You say no way, I’ll take that bet, meaning you don’t agree with me. So because I was right, you actually owe ME 10 bucks. Get it?

Jack: I only take bets when they’re not stupid.