Conversations

Something like a shock collar might work nicely in this situation

Let me know if you agree!

See, now that I’m typing on my computer, and not on my phone, I can be wordy (aka entertaining/boring) again! You lucky readers. Today’s blog post happens to be about something that annoys the sh*t out of me on a daily basis. All you parents will agree. First, add one 8-year-old boy fresh out of school. Second, add any electronic…iPad, iPhone, iAnything, DS, TV, XBox, hell, a stopwatch would even do nicely in this situation. Then add one mom that’s trying to get one answer out of said boy.

me: (handing Jack my iPhone in the car) Hey, we need to go to the store. Cats are COMPLETELY out of litter.

Jack: Grunt.

me: So how was school?

Jack: Huh?

me: School. How was school?

Jack: Good.

me: What did you have for lunch today?

Jack: (silence)

me: Earth to Jack?

Jack: Huh?

me: What did you have for lunch today?

Jack: For what?

me: LUNCH! What was it?

Jack: Good.

me: Sigh. Look at me. Look into my eyes. What. Did. You. Have. For. Lunch.

Jack: (silence)

me: Answer please!?

Jack: Why do you keep asking the same question over and over!? I answered you. NACHOS!!!

(now did any one of you reading this see the word Nachos before he yelled it at me? I didn’t think so)

me: Quit the yelling or you lose the phone privilege. Were they good?

Jack: Grunt.

me: Are you hungry?

Jack: Grunt.

me: We can get you a snack at the store if you’re hungry.

Jack: Did you say snack? Can I have it right now?

me: Sigh. (That he hears)

 

I gave him a piece of gum. I didn’t ask any more questions.

Food

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale…

Come on, who’s old like me?? Theme song anyone? A 3-hour tour? Eh? Okay, Gilligan’s Island is the show. And this is the topic for tonight’s post boys and girls.

You’re on a deserted island. We don’t know how you got there. We don’t even care. But you’re there. Maybe you’re alone, maybe you have some friends. But what you don’t have is food. Or water. And it’s hot out. You’re starting to get sunburned and your lips are cracking from thirst. Later you’ll be hungry, oh yeah you will, but right now all you can think about is fresh water. (These lime Tostitos are NOT helping right now. Cough.)

Jack: Mom, if you were trapped on a deserted island and you could pick any one food, what would it be?

me: Hmmm, let me see…

Jack: Or one food AND one drink. Or even two drinks. You pick!

me: I don’t think I would pick two drinks because then I’d be hungry. So only one of them would be a drink.

Jack: I know you’ll pick water, water, water, so just pick another drink for a change.

me: Okay, I’m thinking…

Jack: One food and one drink.

me: Yeah, I know! I think I would pick eggs.

Jack: Eggs.

me: Yeah.

Jack: Of any food in the world.

me: I think so. Protein. I like them. Um, I don’t usually get sick of them.

Jack: Just eggs. Not eggs and toast?

me: That’s two foods.

Jack: Oh yeah. What’s your drink?

me: It can’t be water?

Jack: No.

me: Well I pick water anyway.

Jack: That’s cheating!

me: It’s my island!

Jack: No, it’s my island and you fell on it and I can grant you food wishes.

me: Ohhh, now we’re getting to the point here. What would your foods be.

Jack: Definitely the drink would be milk. The food would be honey.

me: Honey?? That’s not really a food.

Jack: Yes it is! Bees eat it and it never gets rotten. I read that!

me: True, but bleh…honey every day?

Jack: Okay, Mac and Cheese with extra cheese, and milk and … green beans and maybe chicken.

me: Helloooo… that’s way more than one food.

Jack: Remember. It’s my island. Sheesh.

Uncategorized

Gluttony, thy name is Jack

Jack: Mom, can I have some lemon blueberry bread?

me: Yes, but don’t forget we’re going out for breakfast…

Jack: I’ll still be hungry! (he of course eats two pieces with milk)

(later at breakfast)

Jack: Egg and cheese on toast please! (inhaled within a matter of minutes)

me: Did you finish?

Jack: Yep and almost all of the juice too!

Uncle Michael: (noticing Jack staring at his plate of french toast) You want to try some?

Jack: (nods)

Michael: (just slides the plate over and lets Jack eat) Sigh… I’ll go order another plate.

(later)

me: What do you want for lunch?

Jack: Cereal!

me: Well, maybe we should have a sandwich??

Jack: Cereal!

me: Fine eat the cereal. (he eats it)

Jack: Can I have another bowl?

me: Go ahead. (I’m not in a fighting mood. I make myself a huge salad)

Jack: I want salad!

me: Really? After all that? Okay, here you go.

Jack: (eats most of it and runs off to play)

Dennis: Jack, want to go to the pool?

Jack: Yay!

me: I’ll pack some snacks. (2 bags of Annie’s crackers and a plum)

Jack: That’s it?

me: Just eat it and don’t worry about it. We’ll have dinner when you come back.

(later)

Jack: I want the BIG cheeseburger.

me: He’s making me ill. Jack eat some veggies and dip.

Jack: I already did! (talking with a mouthful) Can I have a cookie after. And milk?

me: You still have room? Geez..yeah you can have one. One!

Jack: (eats it quickly) One more?

me: No.

Jack: Please???

me: No.

Jack: Just one more…

me: (I chuck another cookie on his plate) Here. Then you are SO done.

Jack: You’re the best!

me: And yet we’re still surprised that 50% of your free time is spent pooping.