…an example of a conversation that may or may not take place on this planet..
me: Hey, do you want bacon with your eggs?
Jack: (slurping noise that sounds like he’s sucking down a bowl of Jell-o)
me: Is that a yes?
Jack: Nooooo.
me: Is that a sarcastic No?
Jack: Nooooo.
me: Okay no bacon.
Jack: I WANT bacon!
me: Then say yes please.
Jack: I did.
me: How many pieces?
Jack: 21 (said with a slightly middle eastern accent)
me: Seriously…
Jack: 21
me: You get 2 then
Jack: Awwwww, but it’s so derpy!
me: What is? The bacon?
Jack: No, you.
me: Sigh. Okay it will be ready in a minute…
Jack: I’ll be shozzing. (he runs to the bathroom)
me: Nice timing.
Jack: (returning a moment later) It was just a Whaz, false alarm.
me: Sigh. Here you go. Eat up. What do you want to do after?
Jack: Calling Iggo to see if he’s around
me: You mean Alex?
Jack: No, Iggo. Hey, can you move your jiggly puff? I’m trying to read.
me: I’m just giving you more bacon. Didn’t you say you wanted 21 pieces?
Jack: LOVE the mush!
me: Stop grabbing me there… Sheesh
Jack: It just means I love you Mom.
Sh*t My 6-Year-Old Says (but he's 18 now) 