Speaking English, but somehow a different language

…an example of a conversation that may or may not take place on this planet..

me: Hey, do you want bacon with your eggs?

Jack: (slurping noise that sounds like he’s sucking down a bowl of Jell-o)

me: Is that a yes?

Jack: Nooooo.

me: Is that a sarcastic No?

Jack: Nooooo.

me: Okay no bacon.

Jack: I WANT bacon!

me: Then say yes please.

Jack: I did.

me: How many pieces?

Jack: 21 (said with a slightly middle eastern accent)

me: Seriously…

Jack: 21

me: You get 2 then

Jack: Awwwww, but it’s so derpy!

me: What is? The bacon?

Jack: No, you.

me: Sigh. Okay it will be ready in a minute…

Jack: I’ll be shozzing. (he runs to the bathroom)

me: Nice timing.

Jack: (returning a moment later) It was just a Whaz, false alarm.

me: Sigh. Here you go. Eat up. What do you want to do after?

Jack: Calling Iggo to see if he’s around

me: You mean Alex?

Jack: No, Iggo. Hey, can you move your jiggly puff? I’m trying to read.

me: I’m just giving you more bacon. Didn’t you say you wanted 21 pieces?

Jack: LOVE the mush!

me: Stop grabbing me there… Sheesh

Jack: It just means I love you Mom.