kids – Sh*t My 6-Year-Old Says (but he's 18 now)

1. iPads keep kids quiet and still when you need to get actual work done.

2. See #1.

Scenario 1:

Jack: Where are we going?

me: We just have to stop home to get your uniform so we…

Jack: (cutting me off) NOOOOOOO!!!! I don’t WANT to go to TAE KWON DO!!! Can’t we just…

me: (cutting him off) You can use my iPad while we drive!

Jack: (stops yelling) Okay, hand it over.

Scenario 2:

me: Can you play nicely for a minute at my desk while I go and have a quick meeting?

Jack: Okay. Where are your scissors?

me: Why?

Jack: No reason. Can I see that stapler and the golf club in that guy’s cubicle? And some of that goop that you mix together to make a print of your teeth?

me: Don’t touch anything while I’m gone! Can’t you read your book?

Jack: No.

me: Want to play Angry Birds on the iPad?

Jack: Yesss!

me: You planned this all along didn’t you?

Jack: Of course. I don’t want to clean up whatever mess I would make with scissors and paper and all that stuff. Go to your little meeting now.

There are a lot of kids I know, or that Jack knows, that fall into one of these categories: a) afraid of bugs and critters, b) kill bugs and critters if at all possible, c) try to make all bugs and critters their friends and keep them as pets and inadvertently kill them, d) allergic to bugs and critters.

Luckily, LUCKILY, Jack is none of these! None! I think once when he was mad at me he pretended that he was going to squish an ant, and then felt so bad about it he cried his eyes out. My kind of man!

Between the two of us, we can’t get enough of being outside, taking hikes, studying little bugs and animals that we find in the woods, etc. Jack now says he wants to be a scientist and he’s always carrying around his magnifying glass and walkie-talkie. If I could only get him to say “over” when he’s done talking… SIGH! The other day, Jack went to our neighbor’s birthday party. She had a critter van pull up! Jack is still talking about the spiders and the one gecko that climbed his shirt. I wasn’t there, but I found out through photos that he even had a boa constrictor (python??) wrapped around his neck at one point. GASP!

Jack: The gecko’s name was Roxy. She was a jumper!

me: Did he climb your shirt? (Jack was wearing a shirt with the NYC skyline on it, so it looked like the gecko was climbing the building)

Jack: Uhhh, it was a SHEEEEE.

me: Sorry. Did SHE climb your shirt?

Jack: Didn’t you just see the picture? I think you know the answer.

me: Jack I’m just making conversation over here.

Jack: Less yacking and more packing.

me: (thanks for teaching him that, Dad) We’re not packing anything.

Jack: Well then just less yacking.

me: Sigh.