I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Posts tagged “Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day!!! with auto corrects left intact

my gift to myself! To post and correct nothing! Not that missed Cap at the beginning, not anything! Oh don’t poo PPP, (see? “Poo poo”) this will save me an hour. I can still type what I should have said at a faster pace than going back and correcting with this one thumb…

🙂

Actually I lied. The title should have had this eord on Oy (word in ot$) sigh WORD IN IT. “Smothers” but I wanted the title to make sense. Since I won’t ..,

It’s my 11th Morhers Day and I’m on the 11th doctor in Dr. Wei (who!!)  it must mean something! Or not.

Jack is at a sleepover and I got yo sleep in. Well sorta. I’m going for a long walk in a few minutes. So I better hurry this up. 

I’m wondering if jack made me a card or anything this year? I’m guessing not because he’s at his friend’s and was frankly more worried about the fact that I was packing him “clean” underwear.

Jack: No one cares about that Mommmm! 

me: I do.

Jack: But you’re not gonna be there. There’s no time! I just wake up and wear this! (He gestures to the clorhes he is currently wearing and also tells me he will be sleeping in the same furry clorhes (dirty clothes) and I can’t stop him.

me: Then why do you even need this bag to carry all your stuff. Just go over like that. Skip brushing and flossing and just be filthy.

Jack: (thinking i have turned into the dream mom) Really???

me: No. Now change your underwear now so I don’t have to worry about it.

Jack: Sighhh. This is why your friends don’t invite YOU over for sleepovers.

… Guys, is that really why? Have you all had sleepovers WITHOUT me?!

HAPOY MOTGERS DAY!!!! 

   😉


Happy Mother’s Day 2014!

20140511-073200.jpgTo all the moms out there…Enjoy your day! May it be filled with instant maple brown sugar oatmeal and orange juice in bed, just like mine was! And as I lay here writing this in bed, with Bella curled up next to me, listening to the birds chirp through my open window, and hearing the sounds of Lego Star Wars coming from the living room, I’m thankful that I had the chance to experience being a mom. And I have an amazing little boy helping me figure things out as I go along.

(Gah, The autocorrect on this is horrific!!)

Jack came into my room carefully juggling a hot bowl of oatmeal and a very full cup of OJ.

Jack: Happy Mothers Day!

me: Wow I thought you were just playing your game.

Jack: Here’s some oatmeal! It looks good. Can I try it?

me: Of course. (He shovels a spoonful in)

Jack: Mmmmm. Here you go…

me: Thanks Jack. That was very sneaky of you.

Jack: And here’s a card!

me: This is beautiful Jack. When did you make this?

Jack: Thanks. I did it at school.

me: Now tell me what the kitchen looks like.

Jack: Nothing! It’s fine! Can I go play my game??

me: Yep.

I will relax a little longer in bed. Because there is no way I’m drinking orange juice after eating sweet oatmeal!

Enjoy the day everyone!

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Non-sequitur Mother’s Day

Jack: (singing in the car)
Do you like my sword sword
Sword my diamond sword sword
You cannot afford ford
Ford my diamond sword sword
Even if you could I have a patent
You cannot make a sword exactly like mine!!

me: Where did —

Jack: (interrupts me) Oh MAN look at all those satellite dishes!!!!!!!!!’

me: Sigh…

I hope your Mother’s Day makes a bit more sense!

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Mother’s Day Weekend! (sort of)

Screen shot 2013-05-11 at 7.44.12 AM

 

(our conversation Friday night as I put Jack to bed)

Jack: How do you make oatmeal? How long does it cook?

me: Depends. Instant or regular.

Jack: The kind we eat.

me: Minute 30 seconds.

Jack: Ok.

me: Why…

Jack: Nevermind. I made you something for Mother’s Day! But if you’re annoying to me you’re not getting it.

me: Jack…

Jack: Sorry.

me: Is it in your backpack perhaps???

Jack: Yes! But I’ll give it to you when I’m ready. Maybe tomorrow can be Mother’s Day!

me: Every day is Mother’s Day.

Jack: No! It’s just once a year!

me: I mean that we’re mothers every day and you’re my little boy every day. Now try to go to sleep ok?

Jack: Oh. And remember not to be annoying…

me: (warning tone) Jaaaccckkk…

Jack: (giggles)

me: What?

Jack: I farted.

me: Oh come on. What do you say?

Jack: Thank you.

me: No, what do you say when you…

Jack: Sorry!

me: Sigh. I’m looking for “excuse me”

Jack: For what?

me: (omg) For you tooting.

Jack: I didn’t fart. I just said the words “I farted”. I didn’t really.

me: Then why say them.

Jack: Because it’s funny, that’s why!

me: Awesome. You’re a piece of work!

(Bella is barfing her breakfast up on the white carpets…hold on!!)

Jack: I can say words that don’t actually mean I did them you know.

me: Okay goodnight. Let’s make this a great Mother’s Day weekend!

 

(this morning, 6:30)

Jack: Can I turn on the light?

me: (grunt) ok…

Jack: Happy Mother’s Day! He waves a construction paper card at me.

me: Wow, how beautiful!

Jack: You like it??

me: Yep!

Jack: Wait right here. (much commotion in the kitchen while I doze). Here you go!

me: Wow, oatmeal, thanks! Here put it down, it must be hot. Let me read this card again.

Jack: (eyeballing the oatmeal) Can I try your oatmeal? I’m starving!

me: Ha ha, yeah sure. (we end up splitting it and then have a crazy game of tickle torture)

So, I’m hoping that all of you moms out there have a great weekend and that your old-enough-kids attempt to make you breakfast in bed. This is the first year that Jack has attempted it by himself of course. It was really sweet.

(omg, Bella is on round 2 of barfing hold ON!! And Ed’s friend the birdie is back at the window. Every day this week now. The bird tweets, Ed meows…it’s really cute)

Okay I’m back. Cleaning up cat barf is part of being a mom, eh? Oh, and holy crap… I just saw what Jack did to the kitchen. O. M. G.

 

Here’s Ed and his birdie friend (click to enlarge and look closely on the window frame):

photo(9)

Jack, the champion speller in 3rd grade (he did a great job!):

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Happy Mudder’s Day!

Come on, you know I had to do it.

My Mother’s Day was … ok. I spent a lot of time working, so it wasn’t really a day of rest. I still have hours to go before bed. Sigh…

But Tough Mudder is over, so I can sort of be normal again, right? A whole weekend of torture, that I paid for? I won’t tell you then that I think I may be signing up for a 26 mile beast of a course in September. It’s kind of addicting. Heh heh. I’ll slap some photos in here to show you what my two teams looked like before and after the events. Keep scrolling…

Day 1 – Before the event – Decked out in fake staches, because we’re cool like that. Me, my brother in red, and my boss in blue:

 

Day 2 – Before the event – Entire work team in neon green…though some people are hidden. I’m right in front of course. We had like 16 people. My retinas have still not recovered:

 

I’ll bring this back around to sh*t Jack says, by giving you a little taste of what I’ve been hearing in the last few days. Good stuff I tell you!

Jack: There are two things I’m worried about. One is Walmart…why do we hate them when their commercials look soooo good?? And the other is heart attacks.

me: Hm. Ya got me there.

Jack: And another thing…If aliens aren’t real, then WHY are there SO many pictures of them? Hmmm?

me: Uh…

Jack: Why don’t they just close down the Bermuda Triangle if people keep disappearing there?? Sheesh!

me: All very good points. I’ll have to get back to you on that. (looking for bottle of aspirin…)

 

And because this is all that’s been on my mind for the last few months…here are the rest of the pics. Notice how cave-like and smokey my hair gets in the “after” photos. Not sure why I didn’t tie it back this year. I guess I forgot.

Day 1 – During…me running, still clean at the start:

 

Day 1 – After the fire walk and then at the end. Whew:

 

Day 2 – During… The ice dunk tank (aka Where Sandy Almost Died…she’s the one with me jumping)

 

Day 2 – Me getting electrocuted, and then the ravishing effects of electricity on my hair. Still smoking a bit there. Oh and notice my rock star belt! Some kid tossed it on the trail in a fit of rage. I of course accessorized!