Conversations, Nature, Potty Humor

Time Suck aka “I have to poop”

We’ve all been there. You woke up early enough. You had made lunches the night before. Your hair came out great and the clothes you picked out didn’t need ironing. (Not that I iron…I call that “putting something in the dryer”.) And everything ran smoothly! You just had to jump in the car and you might (gasp) get to camp early! Thus getting to work early!

Jack: Hold on, I need to poop!

me: No-ho-hoooooooohhhh!

I slump to the floor dropping my lunch, my workout bag, Jack’s backpack, my water bottle and the pile of bills that I was going to pay at work when I thought I would be … Early. (Sob)

me: (meekly) Jack can you hurry?

I’m not sure he can hear me through the strains of the keyboard music he is playing in there. He is camped out.

Jack: You can’t rush nature!

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The train of thought that never made it to the station

me: (grabbing Jack’s lunch bag and water bottle) Come on! Let’s get in the car.

Jack: (from the other room) Can’t!

me: Why not? Let’s go…

Jack: Poopin…

I glance at the clock. 8:15. We’re going to be late and Jack might miss the bus to his field trip. Why does this happen every day. The boy is on one serious schedule. If I get out of the house by 10 of 8, we should be fine. Mental note for tomorrow.

me: All done yet?

Jack: What time is it?

me: 8:20. Seriously, you might miss the bus to the nature center.

Jack: Okay, let’s go!

And we’re off. We make it to school in the nick of time. Jack’s teacher is putting sun block on the last kid. Jack gets in line for his lotion application.

(later)

me: Let’s try to get up a little earlier tomorrow so we can make it to school on time, okay?

Jack: That won’t work.

me: Of course it will.

Jack: I’ll just have to poop again.

me: Explain please…

Jack: If we have to be at camp at a certain time, I just look at the clock and then take off a half hour, and then I know that’s when I have to poop.

me: What??

Jack: I know it takes us 15 minutes to get to Tutor Time. If we’re almost late to school, and then I’m the last one in, then they might forget to put on my sunblock. If they forget my sunblock, then I might get a sunburn and Daddy will have to come yell at the school and then the teachers will get in trouble and they might have to close the school, and then I’ll get to stay home all day.

me: And help me with chores.

Jack: Hey! No fair!