I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Posts tagged “presents

Presents upon the return

Jack always somewhat expects a gift when he returns from his dad’s place after a weekend away. I sonetimes give in to the expectation and leave something on the car seat for him to find when he gets off the train. 

Sometimes it’s a toy or snack or something he needs. Last week I think it was a free book I got at the library and some gum. Haha, I know, awesome right?

Anyway the book was 13 Gifts, which I started to read and of which unapproved for an 11-year-old,  and the gum was, I think, Extra with the truth or dare questions in the wrappers.

Anyway, Jack jumped in the car after saying goodbye to his dad. I had just raced the train down the street as I saw it moving parallel to me in the tracks. I was going to be late if any of the lights changed. But I made it just in time.

me: Did you see me racing the train as it pulled in?

Jack: No. 

me: Oh, well it was cool to do the same speed as the train for awhile.

Jack: (looking at the stuff on his seat) What’s this?

me: A book I got at the library. It’s really cool, and I know you’ll like it even though the main character is a girl because—

Jack: I already read this in 4th grade.

me: Oh, wow 3 years ago huh? Ok. Did you like it?

Jack: It wasn’t that great.

me: But the part about stealing the goat was funny.

Jack: You read it??

me: Not really… Hey look at the gum though!

Jack: Oh I wanted this kind, it has truth or dare on each stick.

me: Let’s do one.

Jack: Allnthe dares say to tweet something. I don’t have Twitter. (Pause) Or a phone.

me: Sigh.

I received withering stares in the mirror for the rest of the ride home.


Now enjoy the photos from Jack’s new hobby/sport… BMX!

More to come on that!


Merry Christmas “Santa”


Jack: Why are you so tired?

me: Because I spent all night wrapping this stuff. 


Jack: (stares) See???? I told you there’s no Santa!


Eve of Christmas Eve

me: You get to open one present on Christmas Eve.

Jack: Can I shake them?

me: Gently okay?

Jack: I can’t figure out what this one is.

me: It’s something you need.

Jack: Do YOU think it’s something i need or do I think it’s something I need? If its you then I definitely am not opening that gift.

me: Sigh. We both think you need it. No more hints. Let’s go get cleaned up. Bath or shower? If you pick bath I have a treat for you.

Jack: Bath!

me: Check it out. (I fill the tub and turn on the jacuzzi jets. I haven’t done that for Jack yet.)

Jack: Is this a jacuzzi? Woaahh. My life is gooood! Hear this…showers are now extinct!!!!

Gift boutique and the art of buying presents

Jack’s school is having a gift boutique for a few days where they have lots of different gifty and crafty items for sale that the kids can buy for their family members. An envelope comes home, and we designate how much money our child can spend and on whom.

For instance, I gave Jack a budget of $20 to buy gifts for me, his dad, and his two grandmothers. $5 each.

Jack jumped off the bus with a big plastic bag jangling with goodies!

me: Wow, what’s all that?

Jack: My gifts from the gift boutique!

me: Oh yeah, I forgot all about that! What’d ya get?

Jack: A whole bunch of stuff, let me show you!

me: Well I don’t want to see my present if you want to save it for Christmas.

Jack: (stops) I ran out of money for your present.

me: Oh, but you had $5 for each person.

Jack: I didn’t know that. I thought I just had $20 to spend.

me: Geez I wish the teachers would explain what we wrote on the envelope. You didn’t see that?

Jack: No. But look! Fuzzy dice!

me: Wow. Who are they for?

Jack: I think for Daddy…he likes the Yankees.

me: Huh? Ohhh, Yankee fuzzy dice. Yes, that limits it a bit since there are a lot of Red Sox fans in our family.

Jack: Then I got this multi-tool!

me: For…?

Jack: Daddy.

me: Okay, that looks nice. Lots for Dad, eh?

Jack: And then this was for Grandma, but it says for the best Aunt, so I want to give it to Auntie Kim.

me: Did you get something for your Grandma’s?

Jack: (rummaging in the bag) Uh, no?

me: Sigh. Okay, I’ll give you a few more dollars tomorrow to get your two Grandma’s each a nice gift. Only for them though. You have to concentrate okay?

Jack: What about you?

me: Well, if you act like my sweetest boy ever, then I’ll be happy for Christmas. How’s that?

Jack: (pulls something out of the bag) Ta-DAAAA!!!! Well look what I found in HERE!! (and then in a French accent) Vould you like zomesing like Zees???

me: What’s that???

Jack: It’s for you!

me: You little stinker. You tricked me?

Jack: Yeah!

me: We’ll save it for Christmas. We can put it under the tree.

Jack: First we have to get a tree.

me: Yeah, we’re a bit behind this year…sigh…

Jack: Open it!

me: (always liking presents) Okay, thanks! (It was a really pretty bracelet with 2 X’s on it, with little diamonds) Wow, this is really pretty Jack! How did you know I’d like it!

Jack: It’s 2 X’s like kisses from me.

me: Awwwww….

Jack: You’re very hard to trick you know. Sometimes you just have to back off and let me do my thing.

me: Haha! So you had no trouble with the money and the counting?

Jack: It’s just like getting prizes at the arcade. You count down the tickets until none are left. Same with money. Every kid knows that.

Moscow looks a bit like the Bronx

I’m here! In Moscow. Now I’m homesick…Wahhh…
Luckily our friend has arrived to help us translate! So far I’ve asked for or said the following things IN Russian mind you:
A phone card (no luck)
How far is it to the hotel (our nice driver Evan said 25 kilometers)
What’s your name
My name is
Do you speak English (many people do! The ones that don’t are very apologetic.)
One bottle of water (my brother can ask for his own, ha!)

So yeah, we haven’t eaten yet. It’s 8:05pm. Still very tired…
Jack got pretty upset yesterday when it was time for us to finally leave the house.

Jack: Waaaaahhhh, why didn’t you buy me a ticket!!! (pitiful sobs, then they immediately turned off as this thought occurred to him)…Sniff, but you’ll buy me some extra special presents right? like a megaphone??