Today I had to go to the health center to get my shots for my upcoming trip to Russia. (Two weeks sans Jack…what will I do???) My regular doctor can’t, or won’t, give out any travel-related inoculations. So off we went today after school, Jack sitting with a snack and a book in the backseat, and me reading my blurry Google map. No GPS yet. Anyway this is a main sort of health center that treats a variety of, shall we say, cases… I was ushered past a few different waiting rooms to the empty travel vaccine waiting room. The other rooms were quite full.
Jack: I can’t wait to watch YOU get shots Mommy.
me: Watch how brave I’ll be. For some reason shots don’t bother me.
Jack: Well they bother ME!
me: I just think about something else. Now be a good boy while they do the shots okay?
Jack: (adjusting his halo) Okay Mommy.
The nurse calls me in, and prepares 4 shots. (ugh). I would rather be safe then sorry on this trip so I opted to get everything that she recommended.
Nurse: Now how old are YOUUUU? (I ignore her thinking she’s talking to Jack) Uh, excuse me…Ma’am? How old are you?
me: Oh sorry… I thought you were talking to my son.
Jack: Ha ha ha, Mommy’s so old she doesn’t know to pay attention. (he and the nurse have a good laugh over this one)
me: Very funny.
Jack: BUURRRRRPPPP! (the nurse jumps)
Jack: (silence, while the nurse looks horrified)
me: Jack!!! Where are your manners.
Jack: Oh, Excuse me. It’s okay because my mom farts in my face all the time.
me: JACK!!! Can you stop being so rude!!?? I’m sorry, I’m not sure what’s gotten into him. (I stare daggers at him)
Nurse: I have grandchildren about his age, so none of this fazes me.
me: Oh, good. Geez, he’s usually not so blatantly rude. (yeah right)
Jack: I’ll just go read these books near the door okay?
me: Please do! (he wanders over to a rack of pamphlets)
Nurse: All set.
me: Thank you.
Jack: (reading from a pamphlet) Mom! What’s oral sex if you’re a gay man with STDs? What does that stand for??
me: GAAAHHHHH! Give me that!!!
I dragged him out mildly horrified at what else he might have been reading in that 2-minute span. Do we ALWAYS have to be on guard? Always?? I know the answer is yes, I just wanted to vent.