Conversations

Something like a shock collar might work nicely in this situation

Let me know if you agree!

See, now that I’m typing on my computer, and not on my phone, I can be wordy (aka entertaining/boring) again! You lucky readers. Today’s blog post happens to be about something that annoys the sh*t out of me on a daily basis. All you parents will agree. First, add one 8-year-old boy fresh out of school. Second, add any electronic…iPad, iPhone, iAnything, DS, TV, XBox, hell, a stopwatch would even do nicely in this situation. Then add one mom that’s trying to get one answer out of said boy.

me: (handing Jack my iPhone in the car) Hey, we need to go to the store. Cats are COMPLETELY out of litter.

Jack: Grunt.

me: So how was school?

Jack: Huh?

me: School. How was school?

Jack: Good.

me: What did you have for lunch today?

Jack: (silence)

me: Earth to Jack?

Jack: Huh?

me: What did you have for lunch today?

Jack: For what?

me: LUNCH! What was it?

Jack: Good.

me: Sigh. Look at me. Look into my eyes. What. Did. You. Have. For. Lunch.

Jack: (silence)

me: Answer please!?

Jack: Why do you keep asking the same question over and over!? I answered you. NACHOS!!!

(now did any one of you reading this see the word Nachos before he yelled it at me? I didn’t think so)

me: Quit the yelling or you lose the phone privilege. Were they good?

Jack: Grunt.

me: Are you hungry?

Jack: Grunt.

me: We can get you a snack at the store if you’re hungry.

Jack: Did you say snack? Can I have it right now?

me: Sigh. (That he hears)

 

I gave him a piece of gum. I didn’t ask any more questions.

Conversations, School

How to enhance your 7-year old’s vocabulary…

…Just let him sit on the bus next to Steven. Wait until I get my hands on this kid.

 

 

Jack: Mom, Steven taught me ALL different kinds of bad words today. The REAL ones that only grown ups say.

me: Wow, how fun that must have been! What did you learn?

Jack: (warily eyeing me from the back seat) You know, I promised SWEAR TO GOD that I wouldn’t tell anyone, so…

me: Those promises don’t carry over to Moms you know.

Jack: They don’t?

me: Of course not. Moms have to know everything. That’s how we keep our little boys and girls safe. You can always tell me even the Cross Your Heart secrets. They’re safe with me.

Jack: Okay. But, can I tell you the words?

me: I’d love to hear what Steven has to say…

(I’ll bleep them out but from this point on we have a PG-13 rating…)

Jack: Well the first one is A**Hole. Is that like your butt?

me: Kind of. But it’s pretty naughty no matter how you use it.

Jack: What’s a bastard?

me: Another naughty word.

Jack: Oh and this one’s GREAT! It sounds so funny. D**che Bag.

me: (Sigh) Okay, here’s the rule about these words. Sometimes grownups get angry and use bad words. Little kids sometimes hear these words and then tell them to their friends. It’s okay that you know about these words, but don’t ever say them out loud because you’ll get in trouble.

Jack: But we all said them to each other on the bus. No one got mad.

me: If the driver hears you, or a teacher, or even if one friend gets upset and reports you to the principal…whew…BIG trouble.

Jack: Just for words??? Why can’t they just say sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me. Huh? You ever think of that?

me: Trust me, it just has to do with good manners and what’s appropriate for a little boy to say.

Jack: Well then, you can’t say Sh*t again when you forget your keys and we’re late for the bus!

(Sh*t, he heard that??)

Conversations

Guilty of something? What do you think?

Jack: Hey Mom can you drive me to school and pick me up for a few days?

me: You don’t want to take the bus?

Jack: Noooo…I just need a little break…heh heh

me: What happened on the bus?

Jack: Why do you think something happened on the bus!??

me: Gee, I don’t know. Just a hunch.

Jack: I didn’t get written up!!

me: What!? What are you saying?

Jack: The principal isn’t involved Mom so don’t keep asking!

me: Sigh… So you want a ride just because. No problems?

Jack: Uh, no! Steven and I didn’t even fight!! I mean… I just want to be with you…

me: Yeah right…