me: Are you excited that Daddy is going to help chaperone your school trip today?
Jack: I’m not going.
me: Why not?
Jack: I hate baseball. We’re going to the pool.
me: Okay… Dennis is that true?
Dennis: Yeah I’ll take him somewhere… Hey Jack, you almost ready to go?
Jack: No, I’m playing. (he’s building an aircraft carrier out of blocks in the basement)
me: Jack, don’t you want to get ready and go do something fun?
Jack: I am doing something fun. I don’t want to go anywhere today.
Dennis: That’s why I took the day off from work.
me: Jack, let’s go outside in a minute and then you and Daddy can get going. (the closer he is to the car, the easier it is to get him in it)
Jack: Okay, let’s go outside! I’ll go to the pool later!
me: Well…
Dennis: Jack, we’re going soon otherwise it will be too hot.
Jack: Who wants to race me and my bike! (he starts zooming around the driveway)
me: 10 minutes Jack.
Jack: Can I go see if Dina can come over?
me: Okay, but you’ll only have a few minutes to play with her.
Jack: (coming back to our house) She’s not home…
me: Okay, well, let’s go get your bathing suit…
Jack: I’m hungry!
me: We can have a quick snack too. Back into the kitchen.
Jack: Can I have more than just cheese? I want bologna, ham, and crackers with hummus.
me: Sheesh. Here you go… How can you even be hungry after what you ate yesterday?
Jack: It’s how my body works. That’s all. (he devours everything)
me: Well I packed your bathing suit and sunblock and the other stuff you need. You and Daddy should get going.
Jack: Daddy’s eating lunch now.
me: Oh.
(10 minutes later)
me: Everyone ready to go?
Jack: Can you and Jonathan come to the pool? (he’s my nephew)
me: No I have to take him to the airport, so you might not see him again. Say bye now.
Jack: Do I have to brush my teeth before I go.
me: (I just look at him)
Jack: Awwww! (he runs to brush)
Dennis: Can we go please??
Jack: Okay, all done. But wait! I want to change into my bathing suit FIRST! Daddy has HIS on.
me: Jack it’s packed, you can change when you —
Jack: (tearing into the bag) No I’ll do it now.
me: Sigh.
Dennis: Does he have water?
me: Yeah. You have to put his clothes into the bag now.
Dennis: Sigh.
me: He needs sneakers.
Dennis: Sigh.
So what did that take? Maybe two hours? That’s about what I expected. Getting Jack moving is like watching a glacier melt.
Sh*t My 6-Year-Old Says (but he's 18 now) 