What I missed in 2nd grade…

me: Hey, don’t forget you have to study for your social studies test.

Jack: The test was actually today.

me: Oh, ok, how’d you do?

Jack: Pretty good.

me: Did you know all the answers?

Jack: I think so.

me: What kind of questions were they? Multiple choice?

Jack: Yeah some were that, and some were open ended.

me: Open ended. That’s a good phrase. Do you know what that means?

Jack: It’s when you write an answer after reading the text.

me: Text?

Jack: It means the question.

me: I know what it means. I’m just surprised you knew it, that’s all. I’m impressed.

Jack: Mom, that is so second grade. I learned that like 2 years ago.

me: I think I learned it in college haha! Good for you.

Jack: Maybe you should’ve paid attention in second grade.

me: Touché.

Jack: I have no clue what THAT means.


A day at the allergist…more on tree nuts

I had almost forgotten that today Jack had an appointment at his allergist. Since he broke out in hives the other day, and we weren’t sure it was a virus at first, I made the appointment just to be safe. Almost missed that sucker. Would’ve cost 50 bucks!

Jack was okay with the fact that we were going, and he said he was going to be brave and all that…until we walked in the door. He hasn’t been there in 3 years, since the “incident” of 2008 when he ended up in the hospital. I told him over and over that they were just going to put the little dots of stuff on his arms and it would be okay.

Okay it was not.

He freaked the F out on everyone in the room. Poor nurse. We tried everything to calm him down.

Jack: NO, no no nonononononoooooooo! I don’t want to do this!

nurse: But I’ll show you ahead of time how it feels with a fake one.

Jack: ON MY ARM???!!!

nurse: Of course. Here you can hold it. Just touch it to your arm and see.

Jack: (barely touches it to his skin) OWWWWWW!!!!!! WAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (crying hysterically)  It’s HURTING me!!!!

me: Jack, it’s not even on you now. You have to breathe… Come on.

Jack: No! No! No! (hyperventilating) I have to CALM down!

me: It doesn’t hurt, really, it’s just a dot. Listen LISTEN! BREATHE! (I give apologetic eyes to the nurse and rub Jack’s back)

nurse: Calm down okay, we’ll give you a minute and then…


(two other nurses come into the room)

Jack: What do THEY WANT!!!! (he’s shrieking now)

nurse: Well, when they hear screaming like this we have to get a few people to hold your arms still.

me: You’re getting the test, so all this fuss is really making it last much longer. We would have been done by now Jack.

Jack: I want my MOM to hold my arms!!! (he’s still crying and hyperventilating)

nurse: That’s fine, but you have to calm down and relax. We’ll give you a minute. You can have a prize when you’re done…


(They all chuckle and he looks around wild-eyed. Seriously, I go through this once a year at his annual physical. I’m sorta used to it. I start filing my nails.)

me: Whenever your ready Jack, but if it’s not in a minute then we’ll have to leave and do it all over again.

Jack: (now hiding behind me on the tiny chair, panting) Okay OKAY, I can do it! WAHHHHHH!!!!!

me: Come on, hold your arms out. (the nurse does the first set on his right arm…barely touching him)

Jack: AAAAHHHH…oh, wait, that wasn’t bad…(sniffle cough hack sniffle)

me: Blow your nose. What a mess. Let’s do the other one.

Jack: Ha ha, that’s IT? Really? I’m done?

nurse: Yep, all done.

(the backup nurses laugh and leave)

me: All done. See you were brave.

Jack: Where’s the prize?? (snot is running down his face now)

me: Manners!

(the doctor comes in to assess the “dots” on Jack’s arms)

Jack: They ITCH OWWWW!!! Can I scratch!!!!! (he’s ramping up again)

Doc: No, don’t touch and I’ll just have a look.

Jack: Is this gonna mess with my pituitary gland or something?

Doc: (stops abruptly and looks up) You’re 6? What a funny kid. How do you know that word?

Jack: Oh from reading. It messes with your growing.

Doc: (looks over at me)

me: (shrugging) Yeah, I’m kinda used to it.

(We left the office and passed through the waiting room. Jack was all hyper and happy that it was over. Riding out that adrenaline rush I guess)

Jack: I REALLY think they’re messing with our pituitary glands in here Mom! (people in the waiting room laugh and shake their heads)

nurse: Well, Jack, you really gave us a good time in there. How do you feel? All better?

Jack: Yeah, I’m never coming back to this crazy place again. Who knows WHAT you’re really doing back there.

me: Jack! (sigh…)

Here are a couple of links to past posts on Jack’s allergies:

Why is God so rude?

Allergen-free cookie mix

Hellooooo Spungfield!

A Lesson in Sweets

Yesterday’s post…