I was just reading some past posts of mine and cracked up when I came across this one.
What we do as parents, eh? I still never figured that mystery out, though I’m guessing I dreamt most of it!
This didn’t happen tonight, though the days have all been blending together it sort of feels like it just happened. It happened the other night, when I also was not sleeping at (let me check the clock) ONE OH EIGHT a.m. Sigh…
Jack: Mom! MOM! My last tooth fell out!
me: Cool! Not too much blood…let’s get the treasure box and put it under your pillow.
Jack: I hope I get 5 bucks like the first time!
me: I think that’s just a first tooth special deal.
Jack: I heard that if you put the exact same money back under your pillow that the tooth fairy gave you, she’ll give you your tooth back if you want it. (pause) But I just want the money.
me: Good choice.
Jack: I’m sweaty and I need to pee and have a drink of water. And my undies are wet. It’s just sweat though.
me: Okay, let’s go…
Jack: (just as I’m leaving his room) Can I have the fan???
me: Sure. (I dig around, get the fan set up and back out of the room)
Jack: The tooth fairy didn’t come yet, see? My tooth is still in the box.
Jack: I heard that.
me: Okay, she’ll be here soon.
(1:45am. I go back to my room in a panic. I don’t have any cash! Stupid tooth. I look around in my piggy bank and find three 50-cent pieces. I put them on my nightstand and then set my alarm for 4am. That will give me enough time to switch out the money for the tooth before Jack wakes up.)
(2:05am. I’m back in bed trying to doze off. A few minutes later my door creaks open and the light goes on.)
me: GAH!!! (I jump up shielding my eyes)
Jack: Mom, I’m really cold now with the fan on me.
me: Why didn’t you just call me and have me come up?
Jack: You NEVER come up when I call you!
me: What just happened a half hour ago. Sheesh.
Jack: (sees the money on my nightstand) Heeeyyyyy are those 50-cent pieces??
Jack: I heard that. Can I have them?
(2:20am. Jack is back in bed, dressed in warm clothes. The fan is now off. He has the 50-cent pieces. I look around and find a golden dollar coin and hide it under my pillow. I check the alarm. Still set for 4am.)
(3:15am. I hear a god awful racket outside my door. It’s Bella trying to get at a huge moth that’s stationed above my door frame. I shoo the moth away, it’s a big sucker, and shoo Bella away. I realize that the cats will be waking me up at 5:15 to eat, so I decide to feed them now. You know. Since I’m up already. WTF. I come back into the bedroom and almost step on this HUGE thing in the middle of my rug. It’s the moth. It likes me. Earlier in the day I moved the grill cover on the deck railing and like 15 HUGE moths crawled out. I spent some time removing them all and letting a few crawl onto my fingers. I felt something bump into my head but didn’t really think anything was there. I went into the house and was brushing my teeth and noticed something moving on the top of my head in the mirror. GAH! The moth had burrowed itself into my hair, so I thwacked it and it flew away. And later stationed itself outside my door to annoy the cats because apparently it missed me. And now it’s sitting on my rug. I went to get a cup to scoop it up and put it outside. It crawled behind the laundry basket. Sigh. I moved the laundry basket and managed to grab it in the little dixie cup with a piece of paper on top. I let it out the back door. Came inside. Put the cup down, locked the door and noticed the moth was still in the cup. Really? I opened the door and threw the cup onto the deck and went back to bed.)
(3:30am I think… why the hell am I going back to bed when I should just go up and do the tooth switch out and then shut my alarm off?? Man I’m tired.)
(3:45am Tooth switch-out successful. I put Jack’s tooth into the little tooth-shaped box I have that contains all of his teeth. I wonder what he’ll think when he finds this box. Or if he finds all of Santa’s letters that I’ve been secretly hiding all these years. I mail photocopies to Santa. Don’t you dare judge me! I get back into bed and realize I have to pee. I get up and whack my shin on the damn laundry basket that I moved earlier when I was catching the moth. I sob a little bit. Is this building character? Making me stronger? I don’t know anymore.)
Jack: She came! (He runs into my bedroom yelling. I feel like I had just dozed off. I probably just did.) Look, coins! (He holds up three 50-cent pieces)
me: Oh. Wow. 3 coins? (Wtf did I do with the gold coin. When did I take back the 50-cent pieces?) Hey, I thought you already had those 50-cent pieces from last night, remember? From my nightstand?
Jack: What are you talking about?
me: When you came down to tell me you were cold?
Jack: I never came down.
me: ??? (Sanity check, his fan was turned OFF and he was dressed in pajamas, so I know this was not a dream. But still. WTF?)
Jack: Maybe if I leave only one of the coins back in the treasure box the tooth fairy will bring only part of my tooth back! Cool…
me: (I look at the clock and realize I’ve slept OH maybe 4 and a half hours.) Groan… (I roll over and feel something under my pillow. It’s the gold coin. ????)
Any thoughts on that little mystery? Was I dreaming? No, seriously. I need help.
me: Jack, go get changed and then come and have your snack.
Jack: Is that all I have to do?
me: Oh, and wash your face.
Jack: AWWWW!!!! (he runs off to my bathroom, stripping clothes along the way)
me: (a minute later) You almost done? Your snack is ready…
Jack: (runs into the room and skids into the chair) Ready!
me: Uh really? (I do a double take and start cracking up)
me: Jack, (hahahaha) look down.
Jack: (looks down at his completely naked body) What? Can I eat now?
me: Hahaha, Jack really, did you forget something?
Jack: I WASHED!!! (he seriously had a blank expression…)
me: I’ll give you one more guess. Look down and see what’s missing…on your BODY?
Jack: (stares down and wiggles his hips, and then it finally dawns on him) O. M. G! I have no clothes on!!!
me: Bingo! Sheesh can you get your clothes on please?
Jack: How did I do that??? (he laughs and runs down the hall) And no looking at my naked tootie!!!!
The expression “he’d lose his head if it wasn’t attached” can pertain to my boy. He will be sitting at the table, holding his pencil, and start screaming “Where’d my pencil go!!!!????” while he waves the pencil around. Sigh.
Oh, and thank you to everyone that reminded me to put money in the tooth fairy treasure box last night. Really! … NOT! Shoot, I totally fell asleep after Jack went to bed. Around 3:30 am he wakes up crying that he has to pee and that the tooth fairy didn’t come. I reassure him that she comes at all hours of the night and not to worry, so he finally goes back to bed. But then I heard him tossing and turning and sneezing and blowing his nose, so I had to wait awhile to put the money up there and take the damn teeth! I turned on the light and continued reading my book until about 4am when I could finally hear silence coming from the monitor. That kid takes a long time to settle down! So I raided Dennis’ coins and came up with $2.00 in quarters ($1 for the new tooth and $1 for the old tooth that he’s using again since the tooth fairy didn’t take it last time). She’s quite a dope I hear! 🙂 So yeah, thanks for letting me fall asleep and all that…
And just for the record, what is that unholy noise coming from the woods outside my bedroom window?
(Follow up: Yeah, this is the noise I heard outside my window…Raccoon fights!)
Did that make you look!?? Okay, promotional headline copy needed…
Anyway, I know I’ve been sorely deficient in the copy area. As in, I NEED TO WRITE! But, I’ve been sort of busy…ya know? I promise to try harder. I really do have these stories that need to get out, but sometimes I choose sleep over blog. You know you do the same thing when you’re tired! Admit it!
Jack lost his front tooth today. Poor thing was hanging on by a thread all week. Then it sort of turned gray, and was sickly looking. So it looked like Jack was a bad brusher or had weird tooth alignment for a few days. Today it came out in his eggs at breakfast. I really thought he swallowed it. But luckily, as I mentioned before, it had turned light gray and stood out amongst the swimmy eggs left on his plate. Appetizing no? I stored the tooth in my empty Advil container (which I carry in my purse because when you’re accident-prone like me, you need a ready supply, AND it was conveniently empty THANK YOU Tough Mudder and THANK YOU sprained knee!)
me: Goodnight Jack, get lots of rest! Only a few more days left of school!
Jack: We forgot the tooth!!!
me: Oh! You’re right! Let me go get it…
Jack: Get my treasure box too!
me: (jogging back upstairs) Wow, good thing you remembered this, I had totally forgotten!
Jack: Why is something rattling around in the treasure box?
me: Oh, uh, remember the last tooth you lost? The tooth fairy couldn’t pry the box out of your hand, so she threw the money under your pillow. She never got the tooth! (Well that’s the story and I’m sticking to it! Actually the tooth fairy “forgot” to put the money under the pillow, and Jack found the box with his tooth still in it and was heartbroken and sobbing into his pillow. I came up and threw some quarters under the other pillow when he wasn’t looking. Whew. Yeah I suck.)
Jack: Let’s put BOTH teeth in here for double money! Oh YEAH!!
me: I think she’ll remember that.
Jack: Nahhhh, we can at least try, right??
me: I guess…
So we put two teeth in the box. I HAVE to remember this, people! Send me a twitter message or something to remind me please!!!
Oh, almost forgot the photos. I do NOT have a memory problem…so there! Click to enlarge…I was lazy…