How not to get killed in 3rd grade

me: (unpacking Jack’s backpack after school) Hey, did you use this water bottle at all? It’s still full.

Jack: Uh NOOOOO! You packed a TOY Story water bottle. How embarrassing! I would rather dehydrate.

me: You know, I thought of that as I packed it, but we were in a hurry. Sorry sweetie. I’ll only use generic water bottles ok?

Jack: Well, the Toy Story one is okay for home, you know?

me: I know. Did you eat your applesauce?

Jack: Oh yeah, how about not packing the MOST embarrassing spoon of all! I was picked on by the WORST kid in my class because of it.

me: What? I just gave you the small metal and green spoon.

Jack: Look closely. It has tiny reindeer on it.

me: Hahahahaha! Sorry, I didn’t know.

Jack: (not smiling) Are you trying to get me killed, or do you just hate me.

me: Sigh.

Conversations, Phone Calls

Not a flying toy, not a flying toy

You must know that quote from Toy Story, right? When Buzz first learns that he’s a toy? Jack and I somehow started using it as an inside joke, and we say it if someone is either not making any sense or pretending to be something they’re not. Like cool. Or nice. But…Maybe the joke was on me?

me: Jack, Dad’s on the phone…

Jack: Hi Dad… Yeah…I don’t know what your talking about…huh? I am listening…sheesh!!

me: Guess Dad’s not a flying toy, heh heh…

Jack: (hears me) Yeah Not a flying toy, NOT a flying toy!, (he cracks up)

me: (laughing) he’s totally not a flying toy…

Jack: (still on phone) yeah… That was Mom…haha. It’s from Toy Story… Mom is cracking up now because she thinks it’s funny. I’m just humoring her.