I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Posts tagged “star wars

The Littlest Jedi


I found this old photoshop image of Jack from when he was 3, I think. He had been holding a broom like a double light saber, and was fighting imaginary bad guys in the kitchen . 

When I showed it to him back then I remember he was like “Woah, I didn’t know I could fight Darth Vader in our house!”

I’m surprising him by putting it in a frame 🙂

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Flipping for Star Wars

I bought Jack a Star Wars character flip book while he was away this weekend. I wanted to get him a little surprise since I was also away on business and I missed him a lot. He loved it and immediately flipped through it as we drove home.

Jack: This guy’s good. (Then he flipped and kept a running monologue on each character.)
Bad (flip)
Awkward (flip)
Horrible (flip)
Awesome (flip)
Awesome (flip)
Weird (flip)
A really good swimmer.

me: Who?

Jack: His name is Kitfitsto. It doesn’t show their species though. Let me flip through again. (The monologue and flipping continues.)

I definitely hate that freak.
Big head dude
Weird
Awkward
Does she look human?

me: (I glance over my shoulder) Yeah.

Jack: Nope. Alien. Oh here he is! He’s from um a planet called gleeanselm…

me: Oh.

Jack: (Monologue)
This guys a destroyer
Awkward fat dude
Funny guy
Bad
Bad
Good
That’s it…
Oh, here’s the other dude that’s strange!

me: Who?

Jack: Eh, enough interruptions. You don’t want to know…

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Tree nut allergies are like Star Wars. Eat your pencil eraser instead.

Jack: Speaking of Jude. He ate an eraser today.

me: Sigh. Why?

Jack: Because it looked like a cupcake.

me: And did it taste like a cupcake?

Jack: Not really. I tried it too. But the green regular kind that goes on the end of your pencil.

me: So yours didn’t even look like a cupcake but it was tempting enough to try??

Jack: I guess so…

me: You know that isn’t food, right? And your body can’t digest it? Did you actually swallow it?

Jack: (silence)

me: Nice. You’re old enough to know better than that right? It’s not like you’re a baby that just puts things in his mouth. (And here is a site that I found interesting…edible pencil toppers!)

Jack: Did I ever eat non-food-things when I was a baby?

me: All the time. Like you once ate a pistachio shell, choked on it, threw it up and crawled away, all before Daddy or I even knew what was happening.

Jack: But that’s a TREE nut! I didn’t die?

me: No, that was probably your first exposure to tree nuts. That’s when your body said “hey, this is a bad guy…let’s remember what he looks like and next time assemble the army to kill him.”

Jack: And next time I ate a tree nut that’s what happened? But I could’ve died!!! Why does my own body want to kill itself??

me: Your body just sees the enemy, which in your case is tree nuts. So sometimes in order to kill the enemy, it has to take out some innocent bystanders in your body, and then you have a really bad reaction. Your body is protecting you a little too well unfortunately. It’s going after it’s own people.

Jack: Oh man, that is just like in a Star Wars book where Yoda picked up a battle droid and it started shooting and then Yoda turned around and had it shoot at it’s own guys!

me: And that’s just like a tree nut allergy?

Jack: Didn’t you just hear what I said?


Glasses are cool when you’re 7. So is chess.

These are the glasses that Jack chose for himself. Blue Converse.

Jack doesn’t want to be a “geek”. We found out that he needed to get glasses, and his first thought was “I’m going to be a freak!”. How do you even have that thought at age 7. Then after a little time to think it over, he realized that he could pick out totally cool frames, and uh… actually SEE? So the glasses idea became much cooler in his eyes.

As far as the “geek” name goes…Jack would prefer to play chess over checkers, prefers reading to building a model airplane (I know because I built this little bitch this morning with no instructions! The fighter jet of course. And I had fun, because I LOVE to build things.), he knows VERBATIM, all of the Star Wars movies, and always asks me hard questions like “who’s worse, a battle droid or Jar Jar?” IDK!! Well Jar Jar annoys the P outta me. And he would sit for at least 4 days solid playing video games before he would start to notice the stench of his own filth surrounding him, and would possibly realize that he’s thirsty.

Anyway, I didn’t want to break it to Jack that he might be on his way to becoming a geek with or without the glasses.

Jack: The king goes on that side, Mom.

me: Oh.

Jack: I’m black and black goes first.

me: Naturally.

Jack: Okay, let’s cut to the chase and get this show on the road.

me: Now you sound like an old person.

Jack: Look at these moves! They’re awesome!

me: A modest old person.

(we play for awhile)

Jack: Sooo, I’ll just take your knight and this horse is going to MY training school and when I’m done he comes back BLACK. Hahahaha!

me: Sigh. Pay attention. I just got you in check.

Jack: You can’t get the Queen in check.

me: Huh? Oh… Sigh…

Jack: I’m already planning my counter attack. Hahahahaaaa!

me: I’m glad you’re having fun.

Jack: I always have fun when I win.

me: I know.

Jack: Heyyyy, you didn’t even realize that you moved your rook right into my line of fire. I’ll just blast him off the board!

me: Oh, how silly of me. (At that point I would have done anything to get the game over with just a little quicker. I was SO tired!)

 

These were my choice. But I think Jack’s new glasses suit him perfectly. Plus, he got to pick them out all by himself!


May the 4th be with you

I know I KNOW! It’s December. 29th. I think…wait is it midnight yet? Yikes better hurry!

Anyway, Jack was watching Star Wars Episode IV earlier and it’s funny to think back on our brief conversation.

me: Does Dad let you watch this?

Jack: Yeah.

me: The entire thing?

Jack: Yeah. Wait, I have to cover my eyes at this part…they give her the truth shot!!!

me: That scares you?

Jack: Yeah!

me: Should you cover your eyes at this part? Is all the shooting scary?

Jack: (uncovers his eyes and looks at me) Mom, the ENTIRE movie is shooting! How would anyone be afraid of that???