Fortnite

Jack: Can I buy this thing for my game? It’s only $20…

me: $20?? What could possibly cost so much!?

Jack: It’s a character type thing.

me: I don’t know, Jack. That’s expensive…

Jack: It’s my money! I should be able to use it how I want.

me: Explain what it is and why it’s so important.

Jack: (pauses) Well it’s… this tomato headed guy that wears a pizza backpack and you can throw pizzas as weapons.

me: Pizza backpack.

Jack: Yeah.

me: Tomato head.

Jack: Yesss. (He does a little hop of anticipation)

me: A tomato headed guy that throws pizzas is important?

Jack: Very.

me: Sigh.

Zelda Breadth of My Patience

Or Breath of the Wild as it’s more commonly known. My name is more accurate though…methinks? (I’ve also called it Breath of the Bad, Death of the Wild, Life and Death, etc, hahaha… Jack didn’t find it funny.)

me: Time to turn off the game Jack.

Jack: Can you give me 5 minutes to get my horse to a stable?

me: Really…

Jack: It’s a really good horse. Don’t worry, I’ll be fast. I have to register it.

me: As what, a sex offender?

Jack: (looks at me)

me: Well geez… what does that even mean?

Jack: I have to register it as mine so no one will take it. What should I name it?

me: Joe.

Jack: (silence)

Game: Yaaaahhhh!

me: What is that noise.

Jack: Nothing to see here…

me: Oy.

XBox live and other important things … like I have a new 12-year-old!

OMG the new puppy totally made me forget that Jack turned 12 and I need to update my banner at the top point point. I will do that this weekend. Lots going on in Jack’s world.

All heard from the back seat of my car…

Jack: dude I totally got Xbox live for my birthday.

Friend: OMG that is awesome! Now we can play together! Did you get silver or gold.

Jack: I got gold. Silver totally sucks.

Me: silver what? What are you talking about.

They pretend like they don’t hear me.

Friend: Yeah you totally can’t even talk on silver. It’s a waste.

Jack: I totally want to play BO 3.

Me: Hey,which version of halo is that?

Jack: nothing in that entire sentence made any sense mom. It’s zombies!

Me: Oh. Um. I totally meant call of duty! I don’t know why I said halo.

They were back to ignoring me again.

Friend: Dude, you have so many awesome games maybe we can trade like if we switch each other’s gaming name we can totally use each other’s accounts and like play each other’s games and like do other stuff!

At least that’s what I thought he was saying ha ha.

Anyway apparently Xbox live is something that gives you magical powers and makes everyone love you.

The end.

Things we think kids know but they really don’t…

Like the time Jack asked if kids could really go into a store and buy something without a grown up. Ha!

I asked Jack to close up a loaf of bread (with the twisty tie) and when I went to open the bread the next day I found he had tied it like you would tie your shoelaces, minus the bow. I guess I never showed him how to do that twisty trick, eh? It seems so basic. You just twist!

Then there was the time I realized that I had never taught Jack how to load the dishwasher…

me: Jack, I thought I asked you to put your bowl in the dishwasher.

Jack: I did.

me: Where is it??

Jack: Under that other bowl.

me: ?? (They were stacked on top of each other)

I guess we take these things for granted and maybe never get around to teaching some basics that we’ve known for decades.

I watched Jack undress, trying to take his pants off by pulling the waist down both legs as far as he could, then pulling as hard as he could, getting both feet caught in the material; essentially stuck.

me: Jack, pull one leg at a time, from the bottom, and then you  won’t get stuck AND the pants won’t be inside out!

Jack: No one cares Mom. (More grunting)

me: Sigh.

And then, this afternoon, I hear a part of a conversation coming from the living room. There’s a brain in there somewhere! But it learns what it wants!!!

Jack: (helping his friend set up their wii remotes) Okay, first we have to start this other game and pause it to force us to have to choose another remote and then we’ll get the option to sync them both. Then you click here like this. Not sure it will work… Oh look! It’s asking to sync! So you just simultaneously hold these buttons down… Wooooo! And now we have both remotes so we can bowl! Look, your battery life is showing it’s pretty low. 

me: ???

(Maybe he can teach me a few things too!)

Need for speed

A tiny glimpse into our Saturday wake-up routine… In real time…

me: Jack!

Jack: What!

me: C’mere!

Jack: Ugh! (Clomps downstairs) Can I play my game?

me: in a minute. Can you please go get Biscuit?

Jack: Where is he???

me: In the ball, out there… (I wave my hand vaguely towards the living room.)

Jack: (finds Biscuit in the kitchen) How long has he been in this?

me: What time does my clock say?? (I’m much too lazy to roll over and look)

Jack: 7:50.

me: Wow I actually got some sleep! I put him in the ball around 6:45 when he jiggled the roof of his cage and then started flipping his house. That’s my cue that he wants out.

Jack: Here you go little buddy! (He dumps Biscuit out of the ball onto the roof of his house.) Now can I play my game?

me: Which one?

Jack: Need for Speed.

me: Racing?

Jack: Yes.

me: 20 minutes.

Jack: 30!

me: 25.

Jack: 35!

me: That’s not how negotiating works. Okay 30, but set the timer.

Jack: Nooo the ticking is annoying! Just get me in 30 minutes.

me: (Ooohh maybe I can doze off one more time …?) Okay, see you in 30.

Sadly, more sleep did not happen. Biscuit started flipping his house again (I removed it), a singular LOUD catbird took up residence right outside my open window “Raaow Raaaaoooow!'”, and then, as you lucky readers can see, I decided to blog! And now I need to go to the bathroom. I told you! Real time!

One a day?

Can it be done? I’m going to try. I didn’t realize my last two posts were 2 weeks apart! Remember the days of daily posting? I sure do. I thought life got easier as your child got older, and in many ways it does. However, I find myself racing through my days sometimes with zero breaks. Zero!! Then I drop into a coma of sleep and wake up with one of the cats sleeping on my neck. Ugh!

me: Jack if you do an Xtra math on my iPad you can play a game.

Jack: well that’s good because I’m playing in Matts clan and I have to play for at least 10 minutes a day.

me: Huh?

Jack: Oh and in Jetpack Joyride if I play today and for the next 3 days I get an awesome unique uniform that you can’t get anywhere else!!

Anyone see how the games are starting to control the kids????

Suchastud219

me: What’s that???

Jack: My game name…(Jack’s friend starts laughing)

me: Sigh. Such a stud??

Jack: My other friend told me to pick that.

me: Oy. (Then I looked over at the friend visiting Jack) And what’s your game name?

Friend: Bob.

me: (blank stare) Ok. enough…Outside!

Jack: But he just joined my Minecraft world!!!

me: Time for you guys to put the electronics down and join the real world.

Jack and Friend: (look at me oddly)

Jack: Dude! How about we just play minecraft outside!? Yeah!

Friend: Yeah awesome!

me: Electronics stay in the house!

Jack: Awww. Dude. It’s ok, we can still play and just pretend we’re actually IN minecraft!

me: Imagine that.

Jack: Dude you can come to my mom’s class later and we can play then. I always use electronics during her class.

Friend: Hmmm, do they have wi-fi?

Jack: Sigh, noooo. But maybe we can sneak out and find a Starbucks…

me: Sigh…I can hear you!