I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Posts tagged “8 year old

Here comes the 9 year old

Wow, I can hardly believe I’m in my 4th year of blogging about my little man and the sh*t he says. It hasn’t stopped! I keep finding new material! And next week I will update my photo to say Sh*t my 9-year-old says. Omg. 9. Do any of you have advice for me? I’m sure this will be a fun year for us. The last year of a single-digit age. {sniff}…

I’ll do my best to post the most entertaining bits of my conversations with Jack. I hope you continue to enjoy reading them!

A note to my group of new followers: THANK YOU!! Drop me a note to say hi and let me know how you found us. I’m always curious to see how we travel around the globe… 🙂

And now for more Sh*t:

me: (laughing at a joke that Jack told me) Hey can you tell me that again? That was funny.

Jack: Is this for your blog?

me: (damn) Nooooo…

Jack: Yes it is!! My whole life is your blog!

me: Maybe my whole blog is your life.

Jack: Don’t tell me dumb things you learned in the 70s…

me: Nice. Well if you won’t repeat your joke, then tell me something interesting.

Jack: Okaayyy, but this is weird…

me: I can handle it.

Jack: You know when you look in a puddle and see your reflection?

me: Yeah…

Jack: Well, what if the puddle is reality and YOU’RE the reflection?? Did you ever think of that???? If the face in the puddle moves away, THEN YOU DONT EXIST ANYMORE!!!

me: (blinking) Cool. Now I have a headache.

Jack: Sigh…

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What happened to “no thank you” as the first response?

Jack: Can I have soup and grilled cheese for dinner?

me: Sure. But we don’t have rye, you’ll have to have wheat.

Jack: Eww, then screw the grilled cheese.

me: WHAT??!!

Jack: I mean heh heh no thanks heh heh.

me: Grrrrr!


Inanimate object gets feelings hurt

Jack literally ate 2 breakfasts, a huge snack and 2 lunches today. And as he ate his second lunch he was asking what was for dinner. Bleh, sometimes I can’t even watch him shovel it in.

me: Jack, I can’t believe you’re eating all this. And no you can’t have a grilled cheese after all that. Let it actually hit your stomach first.

Jack:: But I’m starrrrrvinnnngggg!

me:: You’re definitely not starving. It’s like I’m feeding a garbage disposal…

Jack: Except the garbage disposal is sitting right here and has feelings.

(I pause then we both burst out laughing)


I’ve been given some resolutions

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I should’ve seen this coming.

me: Good morning! Happy New Year!

Jack: Happy new year! You get a massage! (He starts karate chopping my back)

me: Yay! That’s my New Years resolution. To get more massages.

Jack: I already have a list of resolutions for you.

me: You do? Okay let’s hear em…

Jack: Welll you should be nicer to me. That’s one.

me: Yeah I see where this is going.

Jack: Eat less calories. (He starts squishing my stomach)

me: Heyyy that’s all muscle!

Jack: Be less annoying. And learn to cook better.

me: Gee, thanks. What about your resolutions?

Jack: I’m only 8. Nothing’s messed up yet.


XBox Minecraft…and what boys say

Jack: Your mom’s so ugly her lipstick screams. Hahahaha!

Friend: What?

Jack: Dude, don’t you get it? She’s so ugly her lipstick screams.

Friend: Her what?

Jack: Lipstick. LIPstick. It screams because she’s so ugly. Hahaha!

Friend: I don’t get it.

Jack: Sighhhhh. She goes to put on lipstick and it screams when it gets close to her face. Because she’s so ugly.

Friend: Oh.

Jack: Sigh


Height of Darth Vader determines coolness

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Jack: (opening a 12″-tall package) Darth Vader? You got me a Darth Vader doll?

me: Action figure!

Jack: Action figures are small. Anything over 6 inches is a doll, Mom!

me: Fine. I got you a Darth Vader doll.

Jack: That’s SO embarrassing!!!


Merry Christmas! Quotes of the day…

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It’s a typical Christmas in our house. Knee deep in wrapping paper. I’m a little bleary eyed from staying up late and getting woken up before 6. Ugh. Jack got the Wii U and after setting it up the discs wouldn’t read. Nothing. Tech support forum says send it in for a replacement. Really? It’s Christmas Day! Then a few hours later it just started working. Go figure. But I have a happy boy now. 🙂

Here are some sparkling quotes and conversations that could be heard in my house today.

1.
me: I can’t believe that stupid disc just started working after all this time. A Christmas miracle.

Jack’s Grandma: I prayed for a Christmas miracle so that thing would work.

me: You prayed for a game, with people dying and everything…

Grandma: Yeah.

2.
Jack: Why does this book from Santa have a 20% off sticker on it?

me: Shit

Jack: I heard that.

3.
me: Mom did you read my blog? Jack learned a new word. Pooted.

Grandma: What’s that?

me: (I tell her)

Grandma: Isn’t that “sharted”??

me: Sigh

4.
Jack: Can I go to Alex’s house?

me: No, it’s Christmas. Maybe tomorrow.

Jack: Son of a business man.

Merry Christmas everyone!! 🙂