I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Posts tagged “food

FEED ME! (Between the hours of 5-9pm)

   

me: Five Guys burgers for dinner?

Jack: Oh awesome!!!

…Jack orders a double cheeseburger and small fries around 5pm. At 6 we head to Taekwondo class…

Jack: What’re you eating?

me: I got some Hershey kisses as a gift. Want one? 

…He eats 4…

(After class)

Jack: I’m starving! What’s for dinner???

me: Uh remember the burger? That was dinner.

Jack: Nooo, THAT was a snack. What’s for dinner??

me: A snack. That’s what’s for dinner. What would you like?

Jack: Oatmeal with raisins and bananas. A double batch!

me: Ok…  I’d better eat some of the leftover salmon we had last night. (I jokingly ask if he wants some)

Jack: (shoveling in the oatmeal) Yesss!! Make it into the sandwich you always make.

me: Really? Avocado and bacon? 

Jack: Oh yeah!

…he finishes the oatmeal and grabs the plate with the sandwich on wheat toast and inhales it…

me: Geez, let it settle… You’re gonna be sick.

Jack: No, I’m still starving. Can I have cinnamon raisin toast?

me: Ugh ok. With butter?

Jack: Oh, soooo good…

… He eats the toast and eyeballs a pear I’m cutting…

me: You want some???

Jack: Yeah, but not until after I eat this…don’t rush me! 

me: Oh of course not. Wouldn’t want it to get “gross” or anything.

Jack: I know, right?

…he eats the pear…

me: Time to brush your teeth and get ready for bed. Enough food ok?

Jack: It’s time for something else now.

…He grabs his book and heads to the bathroom…

10-year-old boys that eat like that are on the 3-poops-a-day schedule, just FYI…

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Inanimate object gets feelings hurt

Jack literally ate 2 breakfasts, a huge snack and 2 lunches today. And as he ate his second lunch he was asking what was for dinner. Bleh, sometimes I can’t even watch him shovel it in.

me: Jack, I can’t believe you’re eating all this. And no you can’t have a grilled cheese after all that. Let it actually hit your stomach first.

Jack:: But I’m starrrrrvinnnngggg!

me:: You’re definitely not starving. It’s like I’m feeding a garbage disposal…

Jack: Except the garbage disposal is sitting right here and has feelings.

(I pause then we both burst out laughing)


That cookie idea really stinks

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Jack: Why is the cookie sheet out?

me: I baked healthy Chocolate Chip Cookies last night but used beans instead of flour.

Jack: Beans… Beans!!!??? You put beans in your chocolate chip cookies?? That’s your worst idea ever… Boy, people at work are really gonna hate you, heh heh…


4 Favorite Things…Boys Only Please

Jack: Try and guess the 4 favorite things of boys!

me: Let me see… Number 1 would be girls

Jack: You’re right

me: Number 2…food!

Jack: Yes! You’re good!

me: I know boys. So number 3 would be sleep I guess.

Jack: That’s a good one too

me: And 4 would be cars. (I was feeling pretty confident)

Jack: Completely wrong! It’s beating your last high score on a video game.

me: Oh, didn’t think of that, hmmm…

Jack: Well?

me: Huh?

Jack: Can I play one?

me: Sure. Just not a shooting game.

Jack: They’re ALL shooting games!

me: I don’t like shooting at people…how’s that?

Jack: Okay… (he gets on the computer and I check on him a few minutes later)

me: Hey what’s this? I said no people. What are you shooting at?

Jack: The “unfortunate”.

me: I don’t think I like this.

Jack: But it’s the game and it’s all cartoonish people! You’re trying to ruin the number 4 favorite thing aren’t you. Sigh…


What’s that on your big front tooth?

Jack: Cheese

me: Ew…

Jack: Why, you got a problem with that?

me: Uh…can you clean it off or something?

Jack: I could just stop eating then. Do you have any idea what kinds of things stick to my front teeth all day?

me: Yeah, never mind. Carry on.

Jack: (smiles showing a big hunk of burger hanging off the other tooth)


Russia – Day 8 – St. Petersburg vs. Moscow

Some things became apparent when we arrived in St. Petersburg yesterday. Though Moscow is a very big bustling city, and everyone is dressed very stylishly (enough to make me feel like a slob even though I tried to look okay), and the cafes are nice, and it feels like NYC… well, St. Petersburg just feels … younger somehow. There is as much history here, but everything has a more upscale feel. St. Petersburg has cafes, but they are every 10 steps or so. We’ve eaten so much in the day and a half that we’ve been here, that it feels gluttonous. My brother and I lost serious weight in the last week in Moscow, and it’s not because they don’t eat. They do! We did! I’m not sure what it is exactly. We walked a lot more, ate less frequently, took in more sights and therefore had our days crammed with history and tours. Maybe that’s it.

In St. Petersburg, it feels a bit like Moscow on steroids. Everything is just a bit shinier, bigger and more plentiful. It’s sort of more metrosexual and there are iPads EVERYwhere.

We’ve eaten in 3 restaurants so far, and each time we’ve claimed that THIS place is our favorite. From yesterday’s meal at the Indian style restaurant, which I LOVEd by the way, to the early afternoon lunch we had today at a cafe called ZOOM…which was delicious, even though they were confused with our Russian/English crap talk and insisted that pasta carbonara was indeed the pasta with chicken, le sigh, all the way to our dinner tonight at a sushi restaurant, which by the way had the BEST waiter on the planet…we tipped that boy well, damn, we are eating well!  Even the lights are brighter here.

We took our boat cruise last night (see blurry photo at top!)…everyone fell asleep but moi, because I was hopped up on a month’s worth of caffeine. We saw the seven famous draw bridges and had cheesy saxophone music played for us while we sipped beer and couldn’t possibly order food beccause a) it was 1:30 a.m. b) we had just eaten the equivalent of 2 full meals each for dinner, and c) we realized we were out of cash. And not just rubles. American cash. Well not completely out. But at that “omg we’re going to be stuck here forever because we won’t have enough money to pay the cab driver to the airport” kind of panic. So we found the “bankomat” or “ATM” and figured out how to rack up serious fees in America. Can’t wait to come home to those statements! Actually I heard it’s not that bad. But we’ll see.

We took a bus tour around the city today and I really enjoyed it! The pre-recorded tape had lots of interesting tidbits about the city. Did you know that St. Petersburg has on average only 35 sunny days per year? Me either! It’s been cloudy both days so far. Kinda makes sense now. And Russians don’t wear sunglasses when it’s “off season”. So in Moscow, even when the sun is blinding, no one wears them. Hmmm…

 

I’m going to post only one or two photos, but please go back and visit my earlier posts because I photo’ed those biotches up! It’s about (yikes!) 1:13  a.m. here. I had NO caffeine today people, but it’s working its way out of my system.  Tomorrow we visit the Hermitage  museum. We were in the square today, and the museum was right in front of us, and how stupid are we…we don’t realize it, so we’re like “yeah, tomorrow we’ll have to figure out how to get to the Hermitage museum…it’s totally on the other side of the city I bet. We’ll have to take the subway…Heyyy what’s this cool green building here? Let’s get some pictures…” Duhhh!

 

I was able to talk to Jack at 12 a.m. Yayy! He seemed a lot happier and so did I. Only 4 more days until I get home.

Jack: Hi Mom, I went up to “great day” today.

me: Wow! That’s great! I’m proud of you. What have you been doing?

Jack: Dad’s on a call and hold on I have to get the cereal box. (he runs to the kitchen and comes back munching)

me: (straining to see through the skype window) Uh Jack? I think that’s the cereal that I was throwing out to the birds. It’s stale.

Jack: Eh, it’s okay. (munch munch)

me: Have you been taking good care of the kitties? Food, water and litter I mean?

Jack: Uhh…I’m not so sure about the water.

me: Hmmm, maybe go change it after we hang up.

Jack: Eh, it’s fine.

me: What do you want to do when I come home?

Jack: Go to the movies!!!

me: That’s a good plan!

Jack: And we can sleep in the hallway with sleeping bags.

me: ???


Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale…

Come on, who’s old like me?? Theme song anyone? A 3-hour tour? Eh? Okay, Gilligan’s Island is the show. And this is the topic for tonight’s post boys and girls.

You’re on a deserted island. We don’t know how you got there. We don’t even care. But you’re there. Maybe you’re alone, maybe you have some friends. But what you don’t have is food. Or water. And it’s hot out. You’re starting to get sunburned and your lips are cracking from thirst. Later you’ll be hungry, oh yeah you will, but right now all you can think about is fresh water. (These lime Tostitos are NOT helping right now. Cough.)

Jack: Mom, if you were trapped on a deserted island and you could pick any one food, what would it be?

me: Hmmm, let me see…

Jack: Or one food AND one drink. Or even two drinks. You pick!

me: I don’t think I would pick two drinks because then I’d be hungry. So only one of them would be a drink.

Jack: I know you’ll pick water, water, water, so just pick another drink for a change.

me: Okay, I’m thinking…

Jack: One food and one drink.

me: Yeah, I know! I think I would pick eggs.

Jack: Eggs.

me: Yeah.

Jack: Of any food in the world.

me: I think so. Protein. I like them. Um, I don’t usually get sick of them.

Jack: Just eggs. Not eggs and toast?

me: That’s two foods.

Jack: Oh yeah. What’s your drink?

me: It can’t be water?

Jack: No.

me: Well I pick water anyway.

Jack: That’s cheating!

me: It’s my island!

Jack: No, it’s my island and you fell on it and I can grant you food wishes.

me: Ohhh, now we’re getting to the point here. What would your foods be.

Jack: Definitely the drink would be milk. The food would be honey.

me: Honey?? That’s not really a food.

Jack: Yes it is! Bees eat it and it never gets rotten. I read that!

me: True, but bleh…honey every day?

Jack: Okay, Mac and Cheese with extra cheese, and milk and … green beans and maybe chicken.

me: Helloooo… that’s way more than one food.

Jack: Remember. It’s my island. Sheesh.