I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Posts tagged “humor

To homework or not to homework, that is the question


(My little delinquent adding to the art space in our town)

There is only one week left of school. The last two days are half days, so they really aren’t of any educational value. They are more suited to messing up my work schedule and messing with a full week of camp. Grrrr! Typical in our town πŸ™‚

The other night I asked Jack if he had any homework. He said no. Now let me point out, he absolutely knows that studying for a test is considered homework. So if he has an upcoming test, then the nights before the test should be considered study/homework. Right? Ugh.

That is very weak foreshadowing LOL. 

However, Jack did say that he did not have homework. So we did lots of other things, like watch TV, go for a walk with the dog, hang around outside, etc.

In the morning, we had this discussion.

Jack: oh no, I’m so worried about my two tests today. I have Spanish and science tests and I hope I do OK!

Me: what? You didn’t tell me you had tests today! Why didn’t you study last night? I would’ve helped you.

Jack: because you made me watch TV and go for a walk. I didn’t have any time!

Me: wait a minute, I asked you if you had any homework and you said no. Why didn’t you say something then?

Jack: I didn’t have any homework. Studying is not homework because it’s not mandatory.

Me: (really) But you know if you have a test, I can help you study and then you won’t have to worry so much. Why didn’t you point that out to me last night?

Jack: because I didn’t worry about it last night. We studied all week for both tests. 

Me: well, put your iPod away right now and study with breakfast. At least you’ll have some studying under your belt before you go to school.

Jack: no, I’m fine. I know they will be easy tests because we studied all week. So I don’t have to study right now.

Me: then what was all the fuss just now about not studying? If you think you’re fine, then why all the drama? Really. 

Jack: don’t you know, that’s just my way of worrying a little bit before a test. (Big smile)

Me: sigh.

At least he knows himself! And how is it that I hadn’t figured this out yet??


Stories that start with…

Now ask yourself, why should a mom ever have to hear any of this?

Ever?

Jack has literally started conversations with these openers…

Sigh.

  • Remember Evan that I was in the bus crash with?
  • Oh, that was when the tarantula disappeared…
  • Owwww, i think I just broke it again! 
  • I knew that was a bomb squad van…they’re black

I’m sure there are more that I’ve blocked out! 😫
  


Can you use these words in a sentence?


Our language is always evolving. With slang and digital technology, texting shortcuts and memes, lyrics to songs and ethnic flavor…new words and phrases are expected, welcomed, tested and enjoyed. Totes!

As always, and especially now that he’s in 7th grade and has always been pretty well spoken for a kid, Jack has taken it upon himself to make sure I hear any new words over and over and over and…overrrrrr…

Until I’m triggered.

Jack: That’s so dank!

me: Is that bad?

Jack: Don’t get all triggered.

me: But is it bad? It sounds bad but also good.

Jack: It’s lit.

me: So that’s bad. (I know it’s good)

Jack: Sigh.

I’m sure you’ve heard of fidget spinners, and fidget cubes right? How many do you own? How many of them light up? OMG.

Jack had to order some from Canada, and then he needed a deluxe one and then he needed the cube. Keyword, need. He doesn’t need these. Maybe some kids need them, Jack doesn’t. They’re supposed to keep you focused but instead they keep Jack unfocused and worrying about his fidget spinner. I think teachers are now starting to take them away in school.

Another fad and I’m sure it will be gone by the start of school next year. PokΓ©mon Go anyone?

Jack slept at his friends house last night and had to come home to pick up his stuff. I was calling up to him to make sure he had everything and instead of answering me he screamed out at the top of his lungs. When I asked what was wrong he said I sounded like a triggered feminist. Sigh.

He’s such a scrub sometimes.

Happy Memorial Day! 

Jack was supposed to March with the school band. He had a concert in Tuesday and has been practicing like crazy. Parade is canceled again for year number 2 in a row 😦


Belated Mother’s Day wishes!


I was too busy enjoying my day to actually post about enjoying my day! Isn’t that nice when it happens that way? I hope you all had an amazing Mother’s Day and that your children made you feel as special as mine did.

Jack was in rare form, starting Saturday night. He marched around the house not allowing me to lift a finger and whenever I ask for anything. It was hysterical. I got massages and drinks when I needed them and covers folded back for me and he listened to everything I told him to do. It was heavenly.

I ordered cupcakes from Scottcakes in Provincetown Mass. for my Mother’s Day gift. Over the weekend, Jack and I am his friend manage to consume them all. Divine they are! Visit Scottcakes.com or simply go to Cape Cod and visit them on commercial Street in Provincetown ha ha.

These are a few things that Jack said yesterday, and I just had to share them because he still continuing his trend LOL.

The first comment was about the cupcakes. I said oh boy I shouldn’t have be into. Now I feel kind of sick. How do you feel?

Jack: I didn’t get sick eating the cupcakes, I felt amazing! It was a morale booster!

The second comment it was about my blog. I think I need to monetize. I asked Jack if he thought it was a good idea.

Jack: Monetize? Oh I know how to monetize! You use Adsense duhhh. Everyone knows that.

And, lastly, Jack has detention tonight. It is his first attention in middle school. I’m not proud of it, and I don’t think he should be either.

Jack: I’m a pioneer! I’m the first kid in my grade to get detention!

Sigh.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!


5 Things Heard on This TGIF Day


Jack and I woke up about 15 minutes late today. Not terrible, but in Jack’s world it’s a catastrophe. He wakes up right at the exact same time every single day. If he’s a minute late he feels like there is not enough time to do all of the things he needs to do. Like, play games, read and of course eat.

As usual, there were some charming freezes slung around the kitchen this morning. Here are the top five that I could remember. I think all of them had some sort of warning associated with them ha ha.

me: Jack, let’s move a bit faster this morning. (Repeat this five times)

5. (Hand holding a cereal box over the bowl, not pouring, while he stares at his iPad) just 30 more seconds on this game!

4. I am eating, see? Look what I’m doing, look what I’m doing, sigh. (Start shoveling cereal into his mouth)

3. It’s your fault we woke up late, why don’t you set an alarm!? (When I reminded him that he can also set an alarm, he said this is just my way of stalling. Stalling for what I wonder?)

2. You always wake me up late! (I told him we were on time all this week) I mean, you ALMOST always wake me up late!! (Sigh)

1. I have detention on Monday, but it’s totally not my fault, someone just put a pan on my desk and I was giving it back to them and he said Jeff the tension! So I have to stay after on Monday. (Sigh sigh sigh)

Happy Friday!!!!


Quote of the day, argumentative

Jack: I’m not arguing! I’m just telling you how you’re wrong!

me: Sigh.

That was how our “discussion” ended. 

Earlier…

I didn’t want Jack to mow the lawn with a broken toe in a shoeless ortho boot. I told him to put a sneaker on and then the boot.

Jack: That doesn’t matter! The sneaker isn’t going to protect me from the lawn mower blade, it’s still gonna do the same damage to my foot!

me: Oh that’s a good argument.

Current…

I just told Jack to hurry up in the shower. I went up to look and he had his iPod set up with his black light water speakers. Ready for an event in the shower! Oy!

me: How long do you plan on being in there? Be quick ok?

Jack: I just arranged an entire speaker setup. It’s not going to be quick.

Right now it sounds like a concert in the bathroom. πŸ™‚

Here’s Jack mowing the lawn in his boot! Use the term “lawn” loosely.


Days without accident: 0

We have a running tally in our house. Or, rather, we did until Moca outgrew it…How many days without pee or poop in the house. πŸ™‚

There would always be some freak accident (my fault for not paying attention) or a random pee (someone new in the house) etc. so we would sigh and say zero days without an accident. Then it would get up to a week and then 2… I was hoping for a month. But then I received this text. At the bottom. How prophetic of me to send poppy icons prior to the incident eh?

me: Jack, remember how I said to please come downstairs and watch Moca?

Jack: I was busy!

me: Remember I said she had just eaten and would probably need to go out?

Jack: She didn’t even warn me!

me: She had probably already gone before you even came down. 

Jack: Ewww!!

me: Yet I’m the one scooping it up. At least she was kind enough to avoid the rug. 

Tomorrow we reset the tally!


Moca was spayed in Monday. Here she is resting comfortably with her “stuffy” bear πŸ™‚