I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Posts tagged “humor

Cloudy with a chance of washing machines…

Jack was at his dad’s last weekend. He missed the major snow squall we had back here in CT. Too soon. TOO SOON!!!!!!

me: Jack did you get any snow in New York in Saturday? We had a snow squall!

Jack: What’s a squall?

me: Like a quick burst of snow flurries, sort of.

Jack: We didn’t have a squall but someone was throwing a washing machine off the roof and Dad had to call the police.

me: Um..,,

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You’re Adopted

Oh my gosh has it been almost a month? Yep time is flying at warp speed. I wish I could post every day but it’s just not possible. 😦

Here’s the short update for those of you not following us on Facebook or Instagram 🙂

Jack is liking high school and his grades are great so no real issues there! We’re coming up on the holidays, which I love (2nd only to Halloween) so that’s a plus. Soon we will have our Christmas tree and there will be snow on the ground!!! What???

In the meantime we have work, homework, the pets to care for and a houseful of chores to deal with… don’t even want to think about the acre of leaves I have to get rid of outside. 😫😫😫

Jack is almost 6-feet tall. O. M. G.

What happened to my little boy???

Anyway, I’ll leave you with this…

Jack takes my phone and texts to himself: “You’re adopted”, so it appears in his text window as coming from me. Then he shares it on social media.

Jack: (Comments on Instagram): I KNEW IT!!!!!

(Give me strength…)


Less face-to-face these days

Remember the good old days where I used to post very long and in-depth commentary from Jack? Well, these days we don’t spend a lot of Face-time together. Jack usually has his headphones on, is doing homework, or is otherwise occupied… (Three hours of bathroom time anyone?)… Just saying!

That alone leads to a blog that doesn’t have as much shit in it as it used to :-). When we are together, and Jack unleashes a spectacular one liner, or he has a rambling monologue about something, and I want to blog about it… I generally get vetoed.

He has editorial approval now that he is older and more sensitive to embarrassing moments that would be for ever caught on the inter-webs.

The one or two shining moments that I get with him each day have a lot of content in them… That would make great blog posts… But, by the time I get around to blogging, I’ve generally forgotten the gist of the conversation :-). I would hate to say that Jack’s blog is winding down… Because I still love to write about him… But this may be a natural progression! I don’t know of too many other blogs that have tracked their child since age 5 tight into the teenage years. If you know of any, please comment and let me know 🙂

me: Do you want me to make your lunch today?

Jack: —-

me: Helloooooo.

Jack: (big show of slowly removing headphones) What?

me: Oy, take your headphones off.

Jack: (grunt)

me: Do you want school lunch today?

Jack: No, the food is disgusting and unrecognizable. However… the pasta is awesome!

me: School pasta is awesome huh?

Jack: —-

me: Helloooo!

Jack: (slowly removing headphones) Whaaaasatttt…

me: Nevermind.

And there you have it. Monday through Friday people! Actually I now have the “no headphones at breakfast rule” so we can actually say a few words before he runs out the door at (gasp) 6:45. Ungodly hour!!


TV time without distractions

me: Are you ready to watch the movie?

Jack: Yep!

me: Put your phone in the kitchen please.

Jack: I’m not using it.

me: I don’t want us to be distracted. Put it in there.

Jack: Look, it’s on the ottoman.

me: Jack: Put it in the other room please.

Jack: I’m not looking at it!

me: Put it away. Now.

Jack: I put this pillow on it look what’s the big deal.

me: Because it beeps and you jump to answer it. Put. It. Away. Now.

Jack: That’s not fairrrrrr!

me: We are not watching a movie until you put it away. Just put it over behind you on the table sheesh Jack!

Jack: Ughhhh so unfairrrr! (He finally puts it away)

me: Thank you.

We watch the movie. About halfway through there’s this part about a calendar…

me: Oh we should totally look that up to see if it’s real! (I grab my phone)

Jack: (stare of death) Really. How nice that we aren’t being distracted by our phones.

me: Uhhhhh.

😳


First day of high school (OMG)

So yeah, that happened. Middle school flew by, winter lasted for like 12 months, summer flew by, and here we are at the first day of high school.

Wasn’t I just holding a newborn? Anyway, the first day of high school ended up being a half day due to the heat and humidity. Welcome to Connecticut. We actually have people from Florida say “holy crap its hot up here” when they visit in August. That should give you an indication of what we deal with every summer. LOL.

I was allowed to take two photos of Jack in the driveway this morning, approved by him, but I am not allowed to post them on Instagram. Only Facebook…and I’m making the executive decision to allow myself to post them also on WordPress. Lucky you, fans of the sh*t Jack says!

I was also allowed to walk Jack partially to the bus stop, with Moca in tow of course, and watch him from a distance with the other teenagers, heads bent over their devices, thumbs a-tappin’, waiting for the bus.

As we walked… Sigh… Moca spotted a squirrel and almost tore my arm off with the ferocity of her lunge.

me: Aaahhhhh!! Moca!!! No!!! Leave it!!! Geezzzzzz… This dog is going to drive me to drink! Or at least say some very nasty things right now!!!!

Jack: You mean she’ll drive you to write a not-so-nice letter to a congressman.

(He does know me pretty well hahahaha.)

To Jack: I hope the next 4 years are everything you hope they will be…much fun, much learning, new friends, some mischief (within legal limits), and many memories to take with you when you go to college. In a blink you will be a senior graduating and tossing your cap in the air. I’m going to try and slow down time for just a little bit longer.

💙💙💙


Mom’s search terms

Whenever I’m driving or just busy, I usually ask Jack to look stuff up on his phone. I’m always in need of random information at random times. Just like a normal mom. Right?

me: Want to see a movie tonight?

Jack: There’s nothing out.

me: Look it up…

Jack: (flipping through his phone browser) Geez you know these are all mom searches when the last one that comes up is “How to ripen cherry tomatoes”.

me: Sigh…


Why is it so hard to call your mom?

So yeah, Jack is not one to race to the phone each night to call me when he’s away. It’s like pulling teeth to get a 5-minute call to hear about his day. :((( He is currently with a friend enjoying Lake George, NY and having a great time. Mom gets to stay home and work. Sigghhh.

I tried to get a text convo going tonight and this is basically how it went 😳

Summary: I’m a nerd and not very funny 😆😆😆😆😆!

Btw if he really blocked me that phone would be sooooooo gone.