I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.


Mustard Monster

Shhhh… That’s what we used to call my sister when she was little. I don’t know why, but boy did she get mad. Wooooo! Snap!! I tell Jack some of those stories and he cracks up. Like how we used to get our butts kicked if we talked back. Omg the belt! This kid has it made. Ooohhhh a stern talking to and anyone out. The humanity! And maybe lose an electronic! 


We didn’t have electronics to lose BECAUSE THEY WERENT INVENTED! I think I had caffeine today. Sigh. 

Jack’s still away at camo. Missing him big time. Bella misses him. She keeps hiding her wet soggy toy mouse in my sneaker or under my pillow. Ew. I need Jack’s sneakers back here for that!

I was just signing off and going to bed when his text popped up. Now why is he up so freaken late?? Grrrr. He’ll be tired and cranky tomorrow. Or actually he’ll be fine and save the frank for me this Sunday. Mhmm. 

My typo reminded me of Mustard Monster! Haha. Ok goodnight y’all.

The Littlest Jedi

I found this old photoshop image of Jack from when he was 3, I think. He had been holding a broom like a double light saber, and was fighting imaginary bad guys in the kitchen . 

When I showed it to him back then I remember he was like “Woah, I didn’t know I could fight Darth Vader in our house!”

I’m surprising him by putting it in a frame:)

The new phase of sh*t Jack texts

It’s late. Jack is with his dad in NYC for two weeks of film camp at the NY Film Academy. He should be asleep now. I sent him a photo of my friend who’s in Privincetiwn right now eating at SCOTT CAKES!!!! When he saw the photo Jack said NOOOoOoOoOooO!!!  I thought he was going to see it in the morning. Why is he still up after 10?? Who knows. He seems pretty wired. Whatchyall think??

Heartfelt Apology. Truly.

Words cannot express how happy we are as parents when outer child not only admits their mistake, but writes a heartfelt apology to try and make you feel better. 

I present you with version 1 and 2 of Jack’s apology letters from this morning.

I woke him up as usual, rubbing his back and his hair, telling him how handsome he is and that it was going to be a great day. He giggled and then tried to pinch the flesh on my legs and arms. Repeatedly. After I said stop. And then I told him if he kept doing it I wasn’t going to tickle him, I was just going to place my thumb under his armpit and not move it. Just the thought was enough to make him crazy. He pushed me away by shoving my face from the side in a not-too-gentle fashion that prompted the immediate loss of all electronics for the day, and the need for Jack to write me an apology letter:

Jack: (version 1) Deat Mom, You had just woken me up. You were tickling, bothering, and annoying me already. I told you to stop, but you were persistent and annoying me. So, to combat your bothersome nest, I pushed your face away. Judging by your reaction it was harder than it looked. You do tend to overreact, but I don’t think that was it. I’m sorry that I hurt you and I won’t do it again.

me: Nice try but you’ll have to do a better job at telling the truth Jack. 

Jack: (version 2) Dear mom, this morning I was grabbing your flab. You put your thumb in my armpit. Then I pushed your face. Judging by your reaction, it was harder than it looked. I just want to say sorry, and I won’t do it again.

me: Seriously?

Now, what would you suggest I do at this point? I would really like to hear your opinions.:)

Just… Why…

For some reason, Jack thinks that any food in the house belongs to him alone. So if I finish anything, I’m a criminal because u didn’t save any for him. Especially if it’s anything sweet. 

Now, we are not entirely odd sugar like we used to be, and I’ve been trying to steer us back in that direction… But it’s Smore’s Seasonn people! How can we resist backyard fires and gooey marshmallows on burnt sticks? I try, but so t always succeed.
I bought a bag of bubble gum for work, to put in the community gum ball jar, and decided to have 2 pieces that night. I came in to this note…

Why am I busted? I want to know! I wasn’t hiding it and frankly it was none of Jack’s business if I had two or ten pieces. Sheesh.

Jack: It’s like the time you ate the ENTIRE bag ofnireos, remember?

me: Uh no, it wasn’t an entire bag Jack…

Jack: Or the time you “took my candy yo work”… (He air quotes).

me: That was real.


Easy to Order!

me: I’m glad this is done…I just ordered a dehumidifier on Amazon. Free shipping. So easy!

Jack: What’s so easy about that?

me: I mean it’s easy to order things we need online and we don’t have to go pick them up.

Jack: (doesn’t look up from his book) Cool. Can you order me a 15-round banana mag?

me: Ummm…

…On that note, here are a few photos from the weekend. None of them include banana nags. Bonus points if you know what that even is!!:) Hope you all had a safe and happy 4th of July holiday!

Lots of junk

me: Jack, Take your hand out of your pocket, what are you doing?

Jack: Mom, if you were a boy you’d have lots of stuff to adjust.

Friend: Yeah, we have lots of junk to adjust.

me: Oh I’m sure there’s lots. Keep your hands where I can see them.

Jack: That’s just not possible.


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 617 other followers