I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

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Do as I say, not as I do

Jack loves to tell the story of the first time I used my kindle over a year and a half ago…

me: Check it out, I have tons of books right on this little kindle… Ahhhh… (I wave Jack’s hand away) Hold on, it’s starting up…

Jack: (leans over and starts touching the screen)

me: Jack come on don’t touch and get your fingerprints all over the screen! Geez!

Jack: (After it starts up, Jack watches as I start touching the screen to look around, naturally getting my fingerprints all over the screen.)

Me: (sheepish) Um. Oh, sorry.

… Well today we had another moment like that in the car… Heh heh…

me: Jack, check out the new IKEA catalog… (I hand it back to him after pulling it from the mailbox.)

Jack: BOR-ing! (He chucks it to the other side of the car.)

me: Hey! No thank you! Can you just hand it nicely back to me please?

Jack: Geez… (He hands it back)

me: I don’t want it all smashed up and torn. Sheesh.

We then get out of the car and I’m carrying two water bottles, my purse, my gym bag, my lunch bag and the pile of junk mail including the IKEA catalog.

Without even thinking I chuck all the catalogs into the recycle bin. 

Jack: (staring at me from the top of the stairs in the garage) Really??

me: Oh, heh heh, sorry. 

Too fast for math!

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Wow, so this is what it’s like to sit at a computer and type a blog post. I type 99% of my posts on my phone. Stupid gaming thumb pain… Stupid auto correct… Stupid not enough bells and whistles on the WordPress app… Stupid small screen that I have to turn sideways to see (sometimes…when it’s dark out.. ahem). Now I’m sitting luxuriously (see I wouldn’t use a big word like that on the phone. Too many thumb taps…) LUXURIOUSLY at my desk and typing pretty darn fast. Ha, no mistakes either. Or so I think…

My boy is home from NYC. Took the 1:04 train, or whatever, and got there around 2:30. I had a cheeseburger (hot off the grill)    with ketchup, and a hard boiled egg waiting for him. Yep, he inhaled both. I don’t think he gets protein in NYC. Well maybe sometimes, but I knew he’d be starving.

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As we drove, I told him about my morning laps around the school track. He grunted as he ate the burger in 3 bites and the egg in 2.

Jack: What?

me: I just finished the story. Really?

Jack: Sorry. I wasn’t listening.

me: I SAID I did laps this morning around the track. It’s 1/4 mile and I did 16…so how many miles is that?

Jack: (blank stare)

me: Huh? (he’s super good at math, so this was like duh, easy)

Jack: 3?

me: Are you even listening to the equation? Each lap, quarter mile. Did 16. A quarter of 16?

Jack: Oh yeah, 4. Anyway I’m just too fast for math. I was already onto something else.

me: If you were too fast, wouldn’t you have at least gotten the right answer?

Jack: I would have to care…

me: Nice.

Jack: By the way, you’re looking extra … MUSHY!

He reaches forward to try and grab under my arm, which I now know simply means he loves me.

I’ll take what I can get.

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Mombalo (stress the Mom)

I have waaaayyyy too many nicknames. And they’re not all very flattering. I hear from the other moms that their boys do the same to them! Who knew…

Jack: Hey mush, can I have a snack?

me: Mush??

Jack: Yeah cuz you’re so mushy… (He runs up to me and tries to grab my side or some other part that may or may not jiggle)

me: Gaaahhh! Stoppit!

Jack: But it’s sooo mushy.

me: Hellooo not niiiccceee!

Jack: (looking wounded) But I love the mush… 

me: Geez, say something flattering then. 

Jack: MOMbalo where’s my snack!!?!

me: Sheesh… 

 

Jack reads blog posts

I had the first two years of blog posts printed out as books. Back when I didn’t have a bazillion posts. And sometimes Jack reads them. He was 5 and 6 in those books and the things he used to say really cracks him up. Me too actually. :)

Jack: Mom, let me read your blog books before bed. They’re so funny!

me: Yeah? Ok… You know that’s why I started the blog in the first place right? 

Jack: I can’t believe all the stuff I used to say!

me: If I didn’t write it all down, I would have forgotten most of it. I mean I would still remember that you were a funny boy but not all the specific conversations…

Jack: Do you still write it?

me: Yeah, I thought you knew that!

Jack: Every day?

me: Nah, like once a week if I’m lucky. I’m too busy but I make time when I remember.

Jack: Every Friday?

me: It’s random… (Like right now at 7am)

Jack: Mom, I say way more stuff than once a week. You’re gonna still miss a lot.

And…he’s right. I’ll try to take better notes during the week because it’s simply that I forget it all if I don’t post quickly! There’s too much sh*t being said! Haha.

Jack has been following in my footsteps sort of, and started his own You Tube channel called “Trick Shots & Stuff”. Mostly showing how he does trick shots with ping pong balls or on a pool table (n stuff haha). If you search on You Tube for that exact name under Channels, you’ll see it. I tried to get him to pick a better title but his friends all say Ooohh what a cool title dude! So there you go. What do I know!!??

All of Jack’s friends watch these guys on a channel called Dude Perfect. It’s pretty cool even for us dinosaurs. :)

Just Google them. I tried to paste the link but my phone internet and WordPress are not playing nicely today!! 

 

The wonder of it all…

Blog posts are fun because you get to think up a new title for each entry. I think it would be hard for me to write a novel and settle on just one title for all eternity. 

I’m chock full of book titles but can’t seem to decide which one will spark the theme for my great American novel. Oh it’s coming… You have been warned. 

Jack was scribbling furiously in the back seat of the car in a small sketch book. He handed me the book to look at when he was done. 

“Hope” 

me: What’s that for? Cool bubble letters..

Jack: Let me see… (He takes the book back, draws some more and hands it back.)

“Dream”

me: Those are nice words. What’s it for? Is that something you did at school? 

(One more time)

“Wonder”

me: Are you wondering about something?

Jack: No. (He draws an entire phrase in retro bubble letters and looks pleased with himself. He hands it back to me.)

“If you can dream it you can do it”

me. That’s very nice and very true! Is that a quote from your teacher?

Jack: It’s Walt Disney, Mom geez.

Subaru Antics

I’m just not sure what goes on anymore in that back seat while I’m driving. 

I turn the radio on, and some sort of beat starts playing and I glance back to see Jack intently working on a new hip thrust movement in time to the music. He’s really proud of this also. Generally, if we’re in public and he starts doing this, I ask him to stop because it’s vulgar for a 10-year-old to walk around with thrusty hip motions going on. Sheesh. But in the car, he lets loose.

me: Settle down Jack…

Jack: (adding sound effects to his motion) Uh! Uh!

me: Just sing… Or look out the window…

Jack: Oh look, a toenail! Let me lick it…

me: Jack!! Geez!

Jack: Hahahahahaha!

me: Gross.

Who’s he trying to impress?

I should have taken a photo…

Jack fussed over his clothes and hit today, I didn’t have to repeatedly ask him to get ready. He went into his closet and pulled out a button up shirt to wear over his tshirt. To camp. Sleeves casually slouched over his elbows. Buttons checked and rechecked. Then he tucked his tshirt in because it was too long. Slowly brushes his long hair over to one side.

I told him he looked great and he was genuinely happy. :)

Jack: I need more of these shirts for6th  grade, mom.

me: Ok we can do that.

Jack: Thanks:

me: (liking the manners!) So who are you dressing for today?

Jack: (slowly looks at me as if I have grown two heads) Myself!

And the moment passes. Ah well! :)

  

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