I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Latest

What rhymes with Akbar?

I got this phone call today from camp: 

Hello, this is not an emergency, Jack is fine, but we just wanted to let you know that there was some trouble at camp today with Jack not listening to his counselor. It happened when he was swimming and he and some other boys were yelling Allah Akbar when they jumped into the pool. We told them to stop but then we heard them yelling again. So we had Jack and his friends come out of the pool. Jack is here on speaker phone and can tell you his part of the story.

Jack: after they told us not to say that anymore, my friend dared me to jump in the pool and say “I’m a snack bar.” So that’s what we were saying after and then we got in trouble again.

me: ๐Ÿ˜ซ

Why is this even a thingโ€ฆ

OK, I get the not listening to the counselors and all that, but I think they were actually saying God is great? ๐Ÿ™‚

#hashtagintervention

Whatever, I use a lot of hashtags on my instagram posts. Don’t you all? #menotcaring @debinort

However, Jack cares. Really cares! Like, really. And he tells me each time he looks at my posts. #whydoyoucare

He always says no one cares, I shouldn’t use any hashtags, I should get more followers, I’m too needy, etc etc… #ponderingit #yourenotthebossofme

Tonight he wanted to look at my posts. I LIKE my posts (follow me! @debinort) ๐Ÿ™‚ Hopefully you’ll like my posts too! #youreallylikeme 

As he started thumbing through the lineup of pics… well… I knew what was coming… #foreshadowing

Jack: Mom, really? 8 hashtags? Hashtag nature, hashtag trees, hashtag cloudscape, what even is that??? No one cares!

me: I like them. And it’s how people FIND me… otherwise how would people even know my photos are there?

Jack: Get more followers.

me: They don’t just magically appear.

Jack: Get more friends.

me: #gettingannoyed

Jack: Really? Hashtag famfamfam? Hashtag filmaddict? Unneccessary!

me: Oy…  #nowwhat

Jack: (scrolls to a photo of him in bed on vacation looking at his iPod) Hashtag 12-year-old-boy-style? No one looks THAT up!!

We both pause.

Jack: Except 30-year-old creepy men who live in basements.

me: I was just thinking that very thing. Sorry. (I start petting his hair) Please unlearn that…  #thingsmomshatetosee

Jack: Stop petting me.

me: You’re my therapy dog. #stayababyforever

You can see the pic for yourself! Yeah I guess I can tone down the hashtags. 

#jk #igottabeme

Such bad jokesย 




Jack: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
me: Uhhhh, 8?

Jack: No. 10 tickles.

He stares at me.

me: Huh?? Ooohhhhh. Heheh.

We’ve been reduced to that kind of humor after a 3-hour delay at FLL airport! 

Omg the lightning!

We are back on the plane now and are slowly creeping toward the runway. See you on the other side!

Florida Vacation Recap


Jack and I are in our 3rd Uber of the trip. We didn’t rent a car this time and probably saved $200 at least. Plus my sister gave us lots of rides so that helped ๐Ÿ™‚

Today is our last day in Florida, we leave earlyyyyyyy tomorrow! I dreamt we overslept and missed our flight and I lost Jack. Not too cool.

We’re in the Uber heading to meet Jack’s cousins for an alligator air boat ride plus some dune buggy all-terrain-type tour. Should be fun!!! I’m wearing flip flops omg.

We had a great week here, the beach was fun and yesterday we snorkeled the whole morning. There were hundreds of fish all around us! On Thursday we visited the Miami Zoo, or Zoo Miami as it’s known. It’s really nice and we had fun with MY cousins and my sister riding the huge family bike through the zoo. It was hysterical.

We also spent a lot of time in the pool and walking along the beach. Very chill vacation. Today will probably be the busiest day. Oh, and I slept 10 hours and 10 minutes according to my Fitbit! Yikes! But sooooo needed.

Tomorrow we land and 15 minutes later meet to pickup Moca! Yippee! Back to the routine! (Update: flight delayed 3 .5 hours so far due to lightning)

And on Tuesday Jack gets his braces omg. He had spacers put in a week ago so no more gum or chewy candy or anything for maybe a year and a half! I keep forgetting. 

me: Jack do you want some gum?

Jack: (stares at me)

me: Well? Here… (I hand him sour patch gum)

Jack: Mom. I can’t have gum for 2 years.

me: Oh shoot sorry. Heh heh.

He shakes his head at me.

(Later)

me: Which kind of gum do you want? Fruity or mint?

Jack: (stares at me)

me: oops, sighhhhhh! Sorry.

Jack: Two years!

I think this will go on for 2 years. At least. :O

I looked at the weather for next week and it’s all thunderstorms here. Boo-ya Florida! We win! We got lucky this week. And I have some tan lines for a change. They won’t last but I’ll enjoy them while I have them ๐Ÿ™‚ Jack is somewhat allergic to either the son block or the dive mask. Ugh poor kid. His face is all irritated. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Hopefully Jack enjoyed his time down here with me and my cousins and his cousins and aunt and uncle. Maybe we will see them again soon! 

Hopefully you’re all enjoying your summer (if you live in the U.S.) or tell me what season it is wherever you’re living! 

Here are some pics from the week…


Can we please get through security without an incident?

super soaker

IMG_5610

I will have an answer to that question in about 3 hours. We’re leaving for Florida later today, and as Jack and I talked about packing, and the general logistics of the airport and our luggage, we paused to remember and laugh about all of the other times we’ve gone through security with slight “issues”. We tried to remember if we ever had a time that we went through security without a hitch. There haven’t been many times. Sadly.

me: I remember the time you threw up all over the security guard and the conveyor belt in Kansas City. Sigh… I had throw up in my shoes. You were 3 and I raced back to the bathroom with you to clean you up. It was hopeless.

Jack: And then I threw up the entire plane ride, right?

me: Every 15 minutes for a 3-hour flight. It was the worst. I also remember the time you tried to bring a switchblade comb on the plane and the guard gave us a hard time, remember?

Jack: It was a spinny thing that we got from Disney.

me: No, it was a pop up comb. I remember.

Jack: Mom, I wasn’t even old enough to have one of those. I just got that like 2 years ago.

me: That’s when it happened. Why are there so many issues with security?

Jack: I remember when I was flying with Dad and my sunblock exploded in my backpack. I cleaned it, but the xray machine could still see it. They had to search Dad. He wasn’t happy.

me: Hahahahaha. Remember that time we met the guy on the plane that let you use his iPad? It was when Angry Birds first came out. When was that?

Jack: 2010, no 2011.

me: Yeah and then he was trying to show off and rode on the conveyor belt and you tried to follow him.

Jack: He was doing handstands haha!

me: His mom said he was showing off for us. That was funny. But you’re not supposed to ride on the luggage conveyor belts! Geez..

Jack: I remember you packed me a bunch of apples when I was going to Hawaii with dad. You know you’re not supposed to bring fruit in or out of that state!

me: I didn’t know that. Did you eat them?

Jack: Yeah I had to eat them all before we landed and about a pound of cheese!

me: Well I didn’t know if they would have nut-free food on the plane Jack, I had to pack something…

Jack: Well that was too much fruit.

me: And there was the time that security didn’t like that you had a nerf gun. I totally remember the security guard checking it out. But geez, it’s plastic and orange! They finally let you go through.

Jack: I don’t remember that…

me: Let’s see if you can get to Florida tonight without an incident. Okay? No contraband in your carry on luggage.

Jack: I can’t promise anything.

Update… 7/5/17… we were going through security in HPN, and naturally the guard pulls Jack’s red backpack off the conveyor belt and holds it up. “Whose bag is this??”

me: (pointing at Jack) His. Sighhhh.

Nothing came of it but they did have a thorough search. Not sure what flagged it though, they weren’t talking!

I also remembered what we call the “applesauce incident”. One guard wouldn’t let us through security with two little containers of applesauce. They were 3 oz each! His supervisor yelled at him and. Are him give us the applesauce back. 20 minute delay that trip if I remember correctly. Ugh!!!

 Update a few weeks later… I just remembered that on the flight home MY suitcase caused an uproar in security at Ft. Lauderdale Int. Airport… I had packed a huge bag of shells and it looked like a big green blob on the scanner photo. Many different supervisors had to come inspect it and then my bag had to be dismantled and checked with that bomb litmus paper lol. Took FOReverrrrrr. Must run in the family! :O

First day of camp – 2017



me: How was the first day?

Jack: Ok.

me: What did you do?

Jack: Stuff.

me: Zipline?

Jack: No.

me: Archery?

Jack: No.

me: Boats?

Jack: No.

me: So you swam the entire day??

Jack: Just one hour.

me: What did you do for the rest of the hours?

Jack: Camp stuff!

me: And the teenage years begin.

Any advice?? ๐Ÿ™‚

The biggest complaint about the Cars 3 Movie!

It ended too soon! ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Jack and I went to see the movie last night, and we really liked it. It might be in a close tie with the first movie as far as storyline and characters and emotions, etc.  The second movie was OK, but I really liked the first and the third.

I totally didn’t stay until after the credits, so we missed the little Mater movie at the end.

OK, enough about that. ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Today was the first official day of camp. Jack has been outside all day, and I’m waiting to pick him up. I wonder if he will be sunburned, or covered in mosquito bites, or none of the above. ๐Ÿ™‚

Hopefully there is nothing to report from the camp office, as they have had to do in past years ha ha.

Here are the first words out of Jack’s mouth after he got into the car.

(I predict he will have some good news, maybe about zip lining in, or the fact that he does not want to go swimming anymore because the pool is too cold. Let’s see what he says.)

Jack: I’m starving. I need food!

Well was I close? Lol… he must have worked up a good appetite being outside all day!

And in other random news…

Here’s a photo of Moca’s last trip to NYC …we are in Bryant Park…

She loves to ride the train when I take jack to NYC. Everyone loved her! ๐Ÿ™‚