I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.


Happy Thanksgiving! And…Traditions?

 Which is to say, we don’t have any, but would certainly like to hear yours if you want to share in the comments!

Jack and I don’t really do anything special on Thanksgiving. Either I cook and invite some family over or we go to someone’s house. I make corn soufflé and apple leek stuffing and a few pies. That’s about it. We don’t play football or watch football or really do anything regularly each year except eat and clean. Or maybe drive.

This year, Jack made the 2 pumpkin pies all by himself and wanted zero help. He forgot the eggs which occurred to me as I put them on the oven. SoInquickly pulled them out and added two eggs to each right in the pie plates. That was pretty funny. We tasted one last night and seriously it was the best pumpkin I ever tasted. Better than my own even though he used my recipe!

Jack was sort of careful with measurements so some spices spilled over the edges of the measuring spoons. Whatever he did really worked! So he was really proud of it. :)

I made sugarless apple pie and that is always good. Like seriously good. You do not need sugar in that pie people!!!

We woke up this morning and decided to get some exercise by taking a walk around the block. We played frisbee as we walked. Jack got bored after 2 houses. Sigh…

Jack: I’m going home.

me: We just left! No, we’re doing this walk.

Jack: I’m tired.

me: So let’s walk slower.

Jack: Oh! Dina’s out! Can I go play over there??

me: After we walk. Sure.

Jack: Sigh…Go across the street and I’ll throw the frisbee to you. (He proceeded to throw it behind me so I had to stop, turn around and go pick it up after every two steps.)

me: Jack, throw it ahead of me so I don’t have to go back and get it. (He then threw it to me at an upwards angle so it boomeranged back to him just missing my outstretched hands each time.)

Jack: You have to jump mom!

me: Throw it straight with a wrist flick, not a full arm swing. Then it’ll reach me.

Jack; You didn’t teach me frisbee you know. That whole flick thing isn’t teaching me anything.

me: Try it. (He flicks his wrist and all the throws go perfectly to me.) See??

Jack: I’m bored.

me: Let’s run to the corner up there and then do a spectacular frisbee throw at the end.

Jack: No.  I have a cramp. From walking.

me: Which way do you want to go? The end or up the hill?

Jack: The shortest way. 

me: Naturally. 

And there you have it. Our new “tradition”. We went back home and ate some more of Jack’s pie. Yum. Now in the car to drive to another state!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Things we think kids know but they really don’t…

Like the time Jack asked if kids could really go into a store and buy something without a grown up. Ha!

I asked Jack to close up a loaf of bread (with the twisty tie) and when I went to open the bread the next day I found he had tied it like you would tie your shoelaces, minus the bow. I guess I never showed him how to do that twisty trick, eh? It seems so basic. You just twist!

Then there was the time I realized that I had never taught Jack how to load the dishwasher…

me: Jack, I thought I asked you to put your bowl in the dishwasher.

Jack: I did.

me: Where is it??

Jack: Under that other bowl.

me: ?? (They were stacked on top of each other)

I guess we take these things for granted and maybe never get around to teaching some basics that we’ve known for decades.

I watched Jack undress, trying to take his pants off by pulling the waist down both legs as far as he could, then pulling as hard as he could, getting both feet caught in the material; essentially stuck.

me: Jack, pull one leg at a time, from the bottom, and then you  won’t get stuck AND the pants won’t be inside out!

Jack: No one cares Mom. (More grunting)

me: Sigh.

And then, this afternoon, I hear a part of a conversation coming from the living room. There’s a brain in there somewhere! But it learns what it wants!!!

Jack: (helping his friend set up their wii remotes) Okay, first we have to start this other game and pause it to force us to have to choose another remote and then we’ll get the option to sync them both. Then you click here like this. Not sure it will work… Oh look! It’s asking to sync! So you just simultaneously hold these buttons down… Wooooo! And now we have both remotes so we can bowl! Look, your battery life is showing it’s pretty low. 

me: ???

(Maybe he can teach me a few things too!)

What happens in school? Who knows…

me: Hi, how was it today?

Jack: The usual. In gym we had to go outside and play soccer in the mud. Look at my sneakers!

me: Man, good thing you wore your old ones.

Jack: My friend wore his brand new EXPENSIVE high tops (he named some basketball player brand that I had never heard of) and they got RUINED! I wouldn’t want to be him tonight…

me: What else happened?

Jack: Oh, I should’ve brought my sax!

me: Why? It’s gym day..,

Jack: Because today was pull out day. 

me: (really??) Out of what exactly??

Jack: We got pulled out of gym to go practice with the 7th grade band. 

me: Awwww, how come you didn’t write that down?

Jack: No one told me! He never told us that!

me: Did your friends in band know about it?

Jack: Uhhh some of them.

me: Well how did they hear about it

Jack: I don’t know Mom, they just did but I swear he never told us!

me: Are you paying attention?

Jack: Yesss! Most of us just didn’t know! 

me: Well you would think that —–

Jack: (Interrupting) I. DON’T. KNOW.

me: Yeah yeah… Well don’t miss it next time because that’s important and —-

Jack: Moving on!


Trick or Nuts

Things you don’t want to hear while trick or treating… Sigh…

I’m thinking it’ll be a few more years before I can totally let Jack go out trick or treating without adult supervision. And by then he’ll be too old.

Jack: Trick or nuts!!

me: (yelling from the curb) Jack knock it off!

Jack: Guys look it says take one. It’s a whole bowl! (I see him bending over the large bowl of candy for at least 30 seconds.)

me: Jack! Just one!

Jack: No it means one of each kind!!

me: Sigh.

Jack: (rings bell…bing bong, waits 2 seconds) Guys!!! No one’s home! (Tears off to the next house. Woman answers door in 4 seconds…oh well, too late)

Jack: Cheap candy here! Don’t bother! 

me: Jaaaack, be nice…geez. And wait for your friend! 

Jack: I AM waiting!!! (He runs to the next house leaving his friend in the 7-foot-high costume to catch up at his own pace)

me: Want me to hold some? That bag looks like it’s ripping. 

Jack: No way, you just want to eat it all.

me: Grrrrr…

Jack: And I’m not sharing either! 

me: Okay we’re done. Last house! 

Jack: Guys, meet me in my mom’s bathroom so we can weigh our loot! 

me: Sigh… And like last year, he forgot about the candy the rest of the weekend and hasn’t mentioned it today yet. We’ll find it in a month…


Quote of the day – Math style

Jack: I hate math. And guess what, my friend’s mom is an IT person and she says she never used math not even once for her job so I don’t think it’s important. Plus, I’m going to make videos and if I need math for that I’ll hire someone to do it for me.

Get your F.A.C.S right!

Jack: I’m going to see the guidance office.

me: What’s going on?

Jack: I hate art.

me: (sigh…why can’t he like anything that I LOVE?) Awww, how come? I thought this year was going well?

Jack: No. My teacher is mean and she doesn’t do anything fun.

me: I think you need to take art though, so I don’t think you can switch it to something else.

Jack: No, not true! My friend doesn’t have art for the entire year and it says so on his schedule.

me: Hmmm. Well, if you go ask, I guess they’ll tell you what you can do. It might be too late though since it’s already the end of October.

Jack: Well I’m going. I want to switch into FACS. (he pronounces it like FACTS)

me: Facts? What’s that about? (I’m thinking he actually wants to switch into another class that might give out homework??)

Jack: Family and Consumer Sciences. They make waffles, Mom!!

me: Ah, the reasons become clearer.

Jack: (walking away) And I totally sew like a boss!

me: ?

What are you more afraid of??

We watched a Goosebumps movie tonight on Netflix. Usually corny, and with really bad acting. Well, this one had both of those, but surprisingly it also had some scary parts. Lots of buildup, so I sort of enjoyed being a little spooked.

There was this really scary part where the Evil Thing was lurking outside the kid’s house. Parents are of course away at a Halloween party. They showed it in the first person view as the Thing crept up to the house. Then they showed it peeking in the kitchen window. Cut to the kids in the kitchen. Older sister is telling the younger brother to go brush his teeth. And just out of sight in the window, you can see the creature peeking in. The little kid goes to the bathroom, brushes his teeth and then grabs a huge pumpkin-shaped cookie and sneaks a few bites. Jack looks shocked.

me: Oh geez wasn’t that scary? The Thing peeking in the window?

Jack: I’m more scared of the cavities that kid is gonna get than I am of the monster.

And that’s why he’s my son. :)


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