I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Latest

Boy Fashionista 

me: Your clothes are on my bed. Hurry up and get dressed, ok? We’re late.

Jack: Nipples.

me: Stop it.

Jack: (under his breath) Nip-pleszzz”

me: Dressed yet?

Jack: Aw these are skinny jeans. It’s not 1960 ya know.

What to do if you’re bored 

 First, confirm that you are, indeed, REALLY bored. Check boxes help.
  
Then, make a list! Perhaps you like to write in gold marker. If so, do that! Or maybe you just want to lay down wherever you are. OR, better yet, take a nap! Though that one is frowned upon at work or so I’m told.

 
When all else fails, you can question the universe:

  

5 things I MUST do! I’m so behind!

Sooo behind…On life… It’s piling up :(

  
(That’s Jack playing with Snapchat)

I’m still digging out from the new year and yeah the holidays believe it or not, and now the aftermath of Jack’s birthday etc etc. omg!**

**And that opening paragraph sat there for two days. Ugh! So busy!! Let me continue as I ride the train home from NYC right now…

Ok, my list of things to DO!!!

5. Stop eating sugar. 

Jack: (talking to a friend) And that’s why we can’t buy anything sweet, mom will eat it all. (Whatever!)

4. Get my house ready to sell. Hide all the personal items again. Give it a facelift.

Jack: And what’s the point, no one wants our house and our real estate agent is no good and we’re gonna be stuck here forever! (5 minutes later…) I don’t want to move!!! Wahhhhh!!! Just earn more money! (How simple, wish j had thought of that!)

3.  Change the photo on this blog. Sigh. Soon. 

Jack: Can you teach me Photishop?

me: Sure. You can help me change the photo at the top of my blog. (Our blog? No, it’s mine.) I have to update it to say you’re 11 now.want to help?

Jack: I want to do something cool!

me: That’s a good starting lesson. It takes time to learn the tools in Photoshop. You’re not gonna be an expert in one day. It’ll be fun!

Jack: I’m already a expert!

2. Clear out the old, donate what I don’t want and trash the rest! Early spring ckeaning.

Jack: Can we go to Goodwill? They have awesome nerf guns for like $2. Alex keeps finding awesome ones!

me: Ok, if that’s how you want to sped your money.

Jack: It is! And look, they have cool stuff for filming like this tripod and stuff for trick shots like these golf clubs… And look! Didn’t I used to have this game? (Uh oh has he spotted something of his I’ve donated?)

me: How about we just get the one tripod and leave the other stuff here?

(Why do I feel like we are bringing more junk BACK to the house than we are getting rid of?? I swear we may actually be buying our own stuff back…)

1. Make an appointment for my back issue. I pinched something last July and I’m still trying to ignore it, and it hasn’t changed or gotten better at all. 

Jack: Here, I’ll hold your knees together and then you try to press them out. That’ll help. (He does this once.) ok now do mine.

me: But you’re not hurt. This is supposed to help ME get better.

Jack: You won’t get better. You’re too mushy.

1st Snow Day of 2016!

  
It’s finally snowing. For real. We are all still not sure how much snow we’re getting, because the stories vary from a few inches to over a foot. Luckily it’s Saturday and we really don’t need to go anywhere. And luckily Jack’s big birthday bash is scheduled for next weekend. Haha to you weather! You didn’t get me this time! 

Jack was born during a blizzard and historically, well for the last 10 years anyway, the weather has been SHiT-Tay on the weekend closest to his birthday. We’ve had cars stuck in the driveway, power outages, frigid temps, and who wants to travel to a party during that weather! Ugh.

Today was kinda funny because we went to our Taekwondo studio for an hour of practice, then Jack and I stopped at Goodwill for his weekly search for nerf guns at rock bottom prices (he got two huge ones for $9) and then we headed home for some Skate 3 and Halo 3. We tried to cram stuff in and get home before we got stuck at the bottom of the driveway. That sucks! The wind has been howling and the windchill is bringing the temps down into single digits. Hating the cold.

We got a few chores done and then we heard a knock at the door. Wha????

Jack: It’s Logan! He wants to go sledding! Can we get my stuff?

me: You mean can I get your stuff? (He was already darting around looking for his clothes)

Jack: Do you think there’s enough snow to sled? Is it the packabke kind? How many inches did we get anyway?!!! Awww I wish I still had my old snow pants with the suspenders! (He was upset when I pulled out his regular ski pants with the camo print)

me: You outgrew those… There’s not too much snow yet.., it’s all blowing around…

Jack: Whatever, there’s enough MOM. So THAT’s where my scarf went! (He ripped it out of my hand after I pulled it out of the closet) Let’s go!

me: Ok ok easy with the grabby hands…hold on let me put it on you.

Jack: It doesn’t go around my beck like THAT! Here let me show you how I wrap it. (he demonstrates his very NYC way of wrapping his scarf).  Wait! Why do I even NEED a scarf?? He rips it off and tosses it.

me: It’s freezing out, so you can pull it up over your face. (I wrap the scarf again, and he redoes it AGAIN)

Jack: Oh… I guess that’s ok…So where are my gloves??? Hey don’t put my hood up over my hat!!

me: Jack it’s still snowing out so you’ll get all wet if you don’t put your hood up. Your gloves are probably in the car.

Jack: Ok ok put it up then! (I see he’s losing patience, and he pulls his hood up before I can do it).

me: Hold on, we have to tuck your pants into your socks.

Jack: ARGHHH! Fiiiinnneee! Ok ok let me go.

me: You need your boots. I got you new ones luckily. These are military grade.

Jack: They are NOT military grade! Are they??? Well you tie them. Make sure nothing is inside! Wait I can feel something, it’s the tag take it out!!!

me: OMG Jack pretend you’re going out to survive in the wilderness, you’ll be nice and warm so don’t worry about a little tag. That’s a bit too much high maintenance. Sheesh.

Jack: I’m not high maintenance!

me: Here are your gloves. Let me zip you up, and the scarf goes in the inside of your jacket. (I tuck it all in).  Ok, I think you’re all set. Here’s some Chapstick. Now give me a kiss…

I inadvertently kiss his glasses and smudge them, OMG, 10 minutes of wiping and near hysterics from Jack because I’m “wasting” his time, and he’s finally ready to go.

me: Have fun! 

Jack: Geez I woulda been outside a LOT sooner if you actually helped me get my stuff on!!

me: Grrrrrrr!!

A minute later I was settled on the couch with my tea, a show and a pile of laundry to fold peacefully. I could hear ranting coming from the garage.

Jack: MOOOOOOOMMMMMM! Where’s my snow all maker!!!!????

I ignored him. But he stomped back upstairs into the laundry room and three open the door,

Jack: Where! Is! My! Snowball maker?!

me: No idea. Guess you’ll have to use your hands?

Jack: oh what a concept. (Slam)

I had to laugh at that one… 

Do mom’s really have to wonder why we’re tired all the time??

College and Wookies and Birthdays!

 

the 5-year-old Wookie

 
I keep forgetting that each time Jack turns a year older I need to update my blog header! I’ve been doing this since Jack was 5, and started on another blogging platform. I liked the Shir My 5-year-old says title. I miss it! Because when I switched to WordPress, I had the dumb idea that I would switch the blog title each year. So I started with Shit My 6-year-old Says, and probably lost all of my original followers!

They weren’t really that bright back then ;)

Though if you are one of the original followers, I’m obviously NOT talking to you and would LOVE you to leave a comment telling everyone how smart and selective you were back then when you discovered us here and still follow us! That would be cool.

So now, I’m remembering I gotsta get back in Photishop and do something clever like cross that 10 out and put 11 haha.

I’m still mad that I didn’t keep the 5 in the URL. But what did I know back then. Go see. I was crazy!!!!!

Sooo, yesterday’s post about college had me looking back in some older posts and I found this from year 1. Pretty funny. I hope you agree!

Jack the Wookie and college boy.

Let’s Play College

 Jack has always loved playing college, ever since he was little. He would pretend he was in class or teaching class or eating at the cafeteria (his personal favorite). So I have high hopes that he will actually GO to college. Lord knows we talk about it enough.

Jack has bee so into filming and vlogging and editing lately that we are trying to get him into the NYU film school summer camp. For two weeks. For a million dollars. No, actually just a few thousand. But still! Regular summer camp costs like $250 or something per week. Sigh.

We’re riding on the train right now heading to NYC and Jack just noticed this poster:

  

Jack: Mom, I might want to go to college there.

me: Really? Actual college for filming? 

Jack: Yeah, either there or Brigham Young.

me: ?

The randomness of it all…

  
He’s not very excited about me taking pictures of him while he sings Celebration. 

And in other news…sad news…our beloved kitty Ed has passed away after a very short but aggressive battle with cancer. We will miss him terribly.

RIP Ed 💔

  

All in a day’s work. Or two hours of my morning.

Jack’s friend Evan is sleeping over. It’s a win win because Jack has company to keep him happy and occupied, and I get to still have Jack “with” me, rather than sleeping away, which sometimes makes me feel lonely  :(

My kitty Ed is doing ok but slowly declining in health due to his cancer. Untreatable. :(. He now loves to take baths in my tub each day. Haha so strange!!

Here’s the text I sent to Evan’s mom this morning.

“Quick update: Boys to bed at 11 last night, asleep around 12:30am. Up at 9am. Two breakfasts. One they made themselves. Kitchen not too bad! One horrific bloody nose (Evan), one bout of diarrhea (Jack), and one round of puking (Ed). 3 peeing accidents located and cleaned (I hope all Ed!) blood cleaned off couch, maple syrup waterfall found on ottoman and dripping on rug so I dammed it up, and puke cleaned off rug. Ed fell asleep in the tub with 1/2 inch of water during all this and almost drowned. Jack asked why I still have the towel on my head 2 hours after showering and is it because I’m LAZY! 👹👹👽👽😈😈”

me: Boys let’s go! (Headed out for a hike) Clean up your messes and get dressed. 

Jack: Why aren’t you helping.You didn’t do anything all day and you’re not even dressed yet!

me: Sigh…

   

  
 

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 589 other followers