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Christmas is NOT supposed to be educationa

Jack: Woah are those my presents?

me: Yep.

Jack: Can I open one?

me: On Christmas Eve you can pick one.

Jack: (starting to shake each box) What’s this? It feels like a book!

me: Oh that’s just the giant deflatable raft that folds down into the shape of a book for easy storage.

Jack: (pauses for one millisecond…) You know, Christmas isn’t supposed to be educational!!

He’ll find out it is actually a book. But it’s a sketch book that he asked for. I just can’t let him read this now until after Christmas :)

One time this past summer I asked him some questions about math or something and he says “I don’t know…its summer so I’m really not supposed to be learning anything new.”

Only few more days left until I get to play Santa for “the boy who no longer believes.” Ho, ho, ho!

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5 things the plumber does

Jack has this awesome habit of saying “the plumber” after everything you ask him.

1. me: Hey Jack, where is your backpack?
Jack: Oh I don’t know, maybe at the plumber’s house?

2. me: Are you ready to leave yet?
Jack: I’m not, but maybe the plumber is.

3. me: Did you brush your teeth yet?
Jack: Let’s ask the plumber.

4. me: How did you lose your nice drawing pens?
Jack: I think the plumber has them.

5. me: Where’s the remote?
Jack: I don’t know. Hey plumber, where’s the remote!?

Happy Tuesday! I hope your plumber is as on top of things as ours is.

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Subaru Confessions – being kind

Today I woke up to a sick child, cat puke on the rug (Ed!), a broken Santa ornament (Bella!), a wet carpet in the basement (stupid 4″ of rain!), and a bowl of eggs that I forgot to make into egg salad. Don’t you hate those mornings! There’s not enough time on a good day. Ugh.

Therefore I forgot to give Jack a shower, couldn’t fold the laundry to clear the dryer for all the wet basement towels and just realized I’m wearing tights with a run in them. :(

But, as a mom, I always find time to teach a life lesson. Sort of.

(We missed the bus, needless to say, and I got to spend a few more minutes with Jack…)

me: I want you to do one unexpected kind thing for someone today. I like doing that! It makes people happy. Then you can come home and tell me about it.

Jack: I’m sure I can do one unexpected thing today, but it probably won’t necessarily be kind.

me: Jaaaack…(sigh).

The real apology letter…and some Legos…

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Jack and I had a blowout yesterday. I asked him to select only one electronic device to take with him on the bus, not TWO. I stated this calmly and nicely. He proceeded to fall on the floor on his back, wearing his backpack, kicking and screaming, looking like a turtle that had lost its mind.

Not only did he lose BOTH electronics, plus all others, for a week, he had to write me an apology letter. After school, he was in a much better mood, so I reminded him of what transpired earlier in the day and that I expected the apology letter before he could go play with his Legos.

Here’s what I got. He was giggling when he gave it to me.

Jack: Dear mom, this morning you would only let me take one electronic, so I hit you with a stick and then i called you an Idiot. I’m sorry for what I have done, and I will not do it again. Next time, I will just take one electronic, and we will not go through the process of you being beat with a stick. Once again, I am sorry for what I have done, and I won’t do it again. And now, a word from our sponsors: PIE!

Sigh.

So I chuckled and said that, yes, he was clever and entertaining but now I needed the serious apology. To which…he … fell on the floor on his back screaming that he had just written the apology and that I had laughed so he was DONE with writing apologies.

I waited. I googled some stuff and played around online.

He wound it down a few minutes later when he realized that I was not paying attention to him in the least.

me: Are you all done?

Jack: Sniff… (glare)

me: I still need the real apology letter. It needs to be serious and I need to know that you’re not making a joke of this. It wasn’t nice this morning and I don’t want to go through that for such a silly request ever again. Go ahead and come back when you’re done.

Jack: (few minutes later). Here. It’s not as long. Can I go play now?

“Dear Mom, I realize that I may have made some bad choices this morning, I know that I did something wrong and I’m sorry for that.”

me: Okay. Go play and I’ll be up in a minute.

He ran upstairs and my phone rang. It was his friend. Jack came back down and told his friend that he wasn’t allowed to play. That was another thing I added to the mix. After the phone call I followed him upstairs and we made the most awesome Lego Christmas village, complete with a Darth Maul Santa riding a reindeer (horse) and eating pizza while wearing helicopter skis. And we used Lego guys to set up a snowball scene. Photos to follow. Oh wait, I can actually go take one now. Why not. It’s only 1:13 am. Sigh. I actually had already fallen asleep for a few hours, but woke up and have been wide awake for an hour. Time to go back to sleep! Yawn…

Goodnight! I mean, Good Morning!

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Why I’m thankful for the sh*t Jack says

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Happy Turkey Day!

I decided to start a new tradition and have Jack type something to all of his fans on Thanksgiving, because he should be thankful that anyone even reads this sh*t. ;)  (Sorry, mommy is swearing…)

I’ll see if jack is up for the task! (looks like he is! you lucky audience)

Before I let him take over the air waves, I will say that I’m thankful for having a little boy that gives me enough excitement and mischief that I have been able to fill an entire 5 years worth of cyber space with it. He’s smart enough to keep me guessing and never lets me get complacent. God forbid I sit down and actually read a book while he does everything asked of him without complaint or needing “help”. Which just means “stop sitting down and reading and come watch me brush my teeth or I’m gonna flop on the floor with the cats until you put the book down and get up and come over here and make me brush my teeth…” Sigh. The joys of parenting, eh? But we all signed up for this, right? At least my childless friends tell me that. haha.

Here’s Jack:

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Hello everyone from…. I don’t really know where, but this thing————>    (mom) says there is a lot of people who read this :) :) :)     Happy thanksgiving to everyone who celebrates it and I’m currently trying to get my mom to leave me alone. GEEEEEEEEEEEZ! But anyway lets get to things I am thankful for:

#1 MOM (not all the time) but none the less she is AWESOME!

#2 lots of PIEEEEEEEEEEEEE

#3 the cats who wake me and this thing——-> (mom) up every morning at 5 am. Sadly though, it doesn’t matter what day it is. Even Christmas. Again, GEEEEEEEEEEZ cats! take a nap, and when you wake up, sit in the corner and think about your life!

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#4 Biscuit my hamster, even though he goes CLACKCLACKCLACKCLACKCLACK! on his water bottle every morning at 6:00. I once counted and I got 367 clacks. oh, and his cage smells like turds.

#5 DAD

#6 FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#7 Family

There is snow so I’m going outside, and I will see you all next year! BYE!

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And, there you have it. Sh*t Jack says, right from his own little mouth. He is currently playing Lego City Undercover on his Wii, and doesn’t know that I have a boatload of chores for him in a few minutes. (evil laugh inserted here)

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For those of you around the world that don’t officially celebrate Thanksgiving, I hope you take a tip from us over here in the USA (Because this is one thing we actually do get right! Not all of us want to melt the polar ice caps or start another world war …) Use this day to figure out what it is that you are truly thankful for. We’re only here for a short time, a blip, and it would be nice if our blips were spent enjoying what we have, being grateful for what we’ve worked hard to obtain, and being thankful for those we care about.

Now go hug your kids and your pets! (Just be gentle with the hamsters…)

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Math multiple choice question from a 9 year old

Jack and his friend were in the back seat of my car having a debate on the current methods of math they teach now.

me: Did you do your Xtramath?

Jack: I did two at “friend”‘s house.

me: His computer?

Jack: Yeah. But there’s no point to math so who cares!?

me: When you grow up you use math every day.

Jack: No, I use the toilet every day!

me: Lovely.

Jack: Here’s a math multiple choice for you…
What is math???
A. Totally boring
B. Completely useless
C. A great place to take a nap
D. All of the above?

Jack’s Friend: Oh oh it’s D. All of the above!

me: You need to learn it for when you guys grow up.

Jack’s Friend: No it’s useless! They teach you the useless kindergarten box counting method. What if there’s a fire and you have to count the number of hoses you need? People will burn if you take out your pencil and start drawing boxes to count!!

me: Well you have a point there…

The week in pictures

Now maybe, just maybe, my phone will comply with uploading more than one photo.

Each time I open my phone I get a new little surprise from Jack in the form of a scary selfie. I haven’t given him the unlock code on my new phone, so I think it’s his way of getting back at me.

me: It’s a work phone, Jack. I can’t have you pawing all over it downloading stuff.

Jack: You used to let me do that!

me: You had strict rules not to get any games unless they were approved by me first.

Jack: But they were free!

me: You’re missing the point. I need to approve everything first.

Jack: But was an EDUCATIONAL game.

me: Same rule applies.

Jack: I guess you don’t want me to learn then??

me: Jack…

Jack: Never mind. I left you a “present” on your phone.

me: It better not be rude or inappropriate.

Jack: You’re rude and inappropriate.

me: Sigh…

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