I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.


Quote of the day … Orlando style

Jack and I were sitting by the pool talking about our trip to the Harry Potter attractions. Which I loved by the way. Daigon Alley really beat out Hogsmeade by a mile. Though one of the Durmstrang dancers at Hogsmeade winked at me as he walked by. Eeeee!

While we talked, my phone kept beeping and dinging because, though I was on vacay, everyone kept expecting me to solve problems! Which I did. Because I’m awesome like that. It was getting frustrating, though, and after the 10th ding…

Jack: Sighhhh! Enough! Smell it, people! We are in Florida!!


Working on our sunburns

Jack and I are on vacation in Florida this week! Yay! We are staying in Orlando but drove down to West Palm to surprise my sister for her birthday. We met up at Peanut Island for a day of beachy fun and snorkeling.

And a day of burns.

I was so busy taking care of Jack that I forgot about my face . Ugh. Well, I can say I got “some color” haha. Cept it be red… ;)

My sister then asked Jack if he wanted to stay with them for 2 nights while I headed back to Orlando with my mom.

me: Yeah I guess that would work, I don’t have much of his stuff but I do have his Epi pens, glasses, sunblock and toothbrush. (Coincidentally I packed stuff just in case…) Jack, hey what do you think? We were planning to go to Universal on Tuesday so —-

Jack: (interrupting) See ya later lady!

He jumped in their car with his hand out for the iPad…

me: Sigh…



Time Suck aka “I have to poop”

We’ve all been there. You woke up early enough. You had made lunches the night before. Your hair came out great and the clothes you picked out didn’t need ironing. (Not that I iron…I call that “putting something in the dryer”.) And everything ran smoothly! You just had to jump in the car and you might (gasp) get to camp early! Thus getting to work early!

Jack: Hold on, I need to poop!

me: No-ho-hoooooooohhhh!

I slump to the floor dropping my lunch, my workout bag, Jack’s backpack, my water bottle and the pile of bills that I was going to pay at work when I thought I would be … Early. (Sob)

me: (meekly) Jack can you hurry?

I’m not sure he can hear me through the strains of the keyboard music he is playing in there. He is camped out.

Jack: You can’t rush nature!


Like a … What???

Normally the answer to that would be “Chainsaw”!!! For those of you that know Limp Bizkit but for this 9 year old, it meant something entirely different.

Jack: But I don’t HAVE any friends at camp!!!

me: Of course you do! You see them every day!

Jack: They don’t like me. (He pouts)

me: Then you have to work on being more likable.

Jack: How does THAT HELP!!

me: It helps a lot. Just be very kind and helpful…(he interrupts)

Jack: How is that LIKE A BULL!!!!????

me: Ohhhhh…. Heh heh

Riddle of the day. And a headache to go with it.

Jack: Two astronauts are kayaking down the Nile river. How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse?

me: Two.

Jack: Nope. Purple. Because ice cream has no bones.

And he cracked up for a few minutes while I went to get an aspirin. ;)

10 awesome one liners

Stop Saying Words

Well, “awesome” isn’t exactly the word that a Mom would use to describe her sarcastic and comedic son’s retorts, but hey, they sometimes make me laugh…just before he gets punished.


Here are some of the choice one-liners that I’ve heard fairly recently:

10. me: Ugh! Your shoes are all muddy and gross!  Jack: You’re all muddy and gross.

9. Travel back in time to 1953, when you were in 4th grade.

8. Why are you all mushy… I mean soft…wait, no, I mean mushy…

7. Waaaahhh, Waahahhhahahaha, WAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! (stops crying) Heyyyyy are you watching TV without me??!!!

6. In time outs, I don’t think about what I did wrong, I think about everything else in the world but that. Or nothing.

5. I can teach you how to play this game, but wait… hold on, you don’t know what you’re doing so give me that and I’ll just do it for you!

4. This was officially the worst dinner ever. No offense. You’re a really good cook. Usually.

3. So wait, before you say no, just listen, I have a really good thing I’m about to ask you okay?

2. Writing punishments do not make me learn from my mistakes, they just make me want to do it again.


And the number one most-awesome one liner…? Think fuzzy math, or Abbott and Costello.

1. So Mom, I have about $7 in my bank upstairs, plus the $10 that you should have in your wallet from when I had you hold my money…you still have that right…so that’s $17 and if the Lego set is $20 then I only need $3, but since you haven’t paid me my allowance in a couple of weeks, then you owe me $4 from last week, so I’ll be one dollar over and then when you give me the week before’s allowance, that will make me $5 over so technically you owe me the Lego set plus 5 bucks.

Quote of the day, fruity kind

Jack: This nectarine tastes like the doctor’s office.

me: ?


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