I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.


Need for speed

A tiny glimpse into our Saturday wake-up routine… In real time…

me: Jack!

Jack: What!

me: C’mere!

Jack: Ugh! (Clomps downstairs) Can I play my game?

me: in a minute. Can you please go get Biscuit?

Jack: Where is he???

me: In the ball, out there… (I wave my hand vaguely towards the living room.)

Jack: (finds Biscuit in the kitchen) How long has he been in this?

me: What time does my clock say?? (I’m much too lazy to roll over and look)

Jack: 7:50.

me: Wow I actually got some sleep! I put him in the ball around 6:45 when he jiggled the roof of his cage and then started flipping his house. That’s my cue that he wants out.

Jack: Here you go little buddy! (He dumps Biscuit out of the ball onto the roof of his house.) Now can I play my game?

me: Which one?

Jack: Need for Speed.

me: Racing?

Jack: Yes.

me: 20 minutes.

Jack: 30!

me: 25.

Jack: 35!

me: That’s not how negotiating works. Okay 30, but set the timer.

Jack: Nooo the ticking is annoying! Just get me in 30 minutes.

me: (Ooohh maybe I can doze off one more time …?) Okay, see you in 30.

Sadly, more sleep did not happen. Biscuit started flipping his house again (I removed it), a singular LOUD catbird took up residence right outside my open window “Raaow Raaaaoooow!'”, and then, as you lucky readers can see, I decided to blog! And now I need to go to the bathroom. I told you! Real time!


First day of 5th Grade

me: Are you excited!?

Jack: Yeah! Next year I’m gonna be in middle school!

me: I meant about THIS year…

Jack: Should I be a safety patrol?

me: Sure! You’d have to teach the younger kids how to be safe and behave. Basically use your power for good and not evil…

Jack: Yeah, I can’t promise anything…


Quote of the day … Orlando style

Jack and I were sitting by the pool talking about our trip to the Harry Potter attractions. Which I loved by the way. Daigon Alley really beat out Hogsmeade by a mile. Though one of the Durmstrang dancers at Hogsmeade winked at me as he walked by. Eeeee!

While we talked, my phone kept beeping and dinging because, though I was on vacay, everyone kept expecting me to solve problems! Which I did. Because I’m awesome like that. It was getting frustrating, though, and after the 10th ding…

Jack: Sighhhh! Enough! Smell it, people! We are in Florida!!


Working on our sunburns

Jack and I are on vacation in Florida this week! Yay! We are staying in Orlando but drove down to West Palm to surprise my sister for her birthday. We met up at Peanut Island for a day of beachy fun and snorkeling.

And a day of burns.

I was so busy taking care of Jack that I forgot about my face . Ugh. Well, I can say I got “some color” haha. Cept it be red… ;)

My sister then asked Jack if he wanted to stay with them for 2 nights while I headed back to Orlando with my mom.

me: Yeah I guess that would work, I don’t have much of his stuff but I do have his Epi pens, glasses, sunblock and toothbrush. (Coincidentally I packed stuff just in case…) Jack, hey what do you think? We were planning to go to Universal on Tuesday so —-

Jack: (interrupting) See ya later lady!

He jumped in their car with his hand out for the iPad…

me: Sigh…



Time Suck aka “I have to poop”

We’ve all been there. You woke up early enough. You had made lunches the night before. Your hair came out great and the clothes you picked out didn’t need ironing. (Not that I iron…I call that “putting something in the dryer”.) And everything ran smoothly! You just had to jump in the car and you might (gasp) get to camp early! Thus getting to work early!

Jack: Hold on, I need to poop!

me: No-ho-hoooooooohhhh!

I slump to the floor dropping my lunch, my workout bag, Jack’s backpack, my water bottle and the pile of bills that I was going to pay at work when I thought I would be … Early. (Sob)

me: (meekly) Jack can you hurry?

I’m not sure he can hear me through the strains of the keyboard music he is playing in there. He is camped out.

Jack: You can’t rush nature!


Like a … What???

Normally the answer to that would be “Chainsaw”!!! For those of you that know Limp Bizkit but for this 9 year old, it meant something entirely different.

Jack: But I don’t HAVE any friends at camp!!!

me: Of course you do! You see them every day!

Jack: They don’t like me. (He pouts)

me: Then you have to work on being more likable.

Jack: How does THAT HELP!!

me: It helps a lot. Just be very kind and helpful…(he interrupts)

Jack: How is that LIKE A BULL!!!!????

me: Ohhhhh…. Heh heh

Riddle of the day. And a headache to go with it.

Jack: Two astronauts are kayaking down the Nile river. How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse?

me: Two.

Jack: Nope. Purple. Because ice cream has no bones.

And he cracked up for a few minutes while I went to get an aspirin. ;)


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